Everyone loves her-how do you become like this?

[Backinthesummerof1995]

One of the school mums/women in my area is so loved by everyone, super popular but in that nice way as in, people just adore her. She’s v confident and quite loud, but also great fun and a genuinely nice person.
I know lots of people with a great bunch of friends, but almost literally everyone loves her and she has friends in every set of people. I’ve not seen this to this extent before. They write things on her sm (birthday etc) about her being a truly beautiful person inside and out.
How do you become a person like this?

I once knew a child like this, there was just something engaging about them. How I wish I was, I'm hard work.

This is true. I am definitely the opposite but I don’t give a single fuck. 😅

I don't agree with that quote either.

I know someone like this, an ex colleague. She is just the most comfortable and warm person to be around. I've known her for 30 years, worked with her for 25 of them.

If there'd been a smokescreen, there's no way it wouldn't have slipped to someone. It's absolutely genuine.
She was almost healing to be around. Having a bad day? Struggling with life? She's make you feel a lot better simply by being in the room. And the years that she was in my class team (one of several TAs) were the best in my career, because she lightened the emotional load for the whole team.

Basically she is open, warm, loyal and funny and is interested in everyone. She has a happy and positive approach to life, the latter not being remotely toxic.

So yep. It's real, but as rare as unicorns.

Well, you can see that working just in responses to this thread. Some posters are hugely invested in the idea that this woman is secretly either nasty, miserable or insecure. Or has loads of enemies. Or is annoying because she’s ‘loud’.

This was my Mum. She was kind, thoughtful and infinitely patient. People were always drawn to her. She died relatively young (50s) and at her funeral so many people told us how she’d touched their lives and how her friendship and kindness had made their lives better. Mum was quite overweight and had terrible self image. I wish she had realised how special she was other people.

Yep. Call me a cynical curmudgeon, you'd likely be right, but even reading this message has set my arsehole antenna quivering uncontrollably.

What you're seeing are surface appearances. No one is uniformly lovely all the time: that simply isn't possible for anyone. If this person kisses up to everyone, likely as not she's being as phoney as sin with a not-inconsiderable proportion of those people. Sometimes, honesty is preferable.

And some days we all get out of bed on the wrong side. Having reread the above, I think this might well be one of those days for me. 😆

Everyone's shit stinks.

I’m also a good listener and a terrible conversation stopper, so I tend to attract people who like to tell me their life story and therefore think I’m lovely and caring because I couldn’t think of an excuse to end the conversation.

Some are like Chihuahuas. Either terrified of everything being big and dangerous or angry at the entire world for being bigger and prepared to take every last one of them on.

There are definitely some chihuahuas on this thread.

I can’t believe how posters are being negative about a woman they’ve never met and have been told how lovely she is.

Why does she need to be fake, perhaps she’s just a nice person.

They seem to be very jealous of a random stranger simply because they think she’s more popular than they are.

And then they wonder why they don’t have many friends …………….

I do agree that people mainly are very conventional, and do follow the 'Norm'.

It's interesting in groups, as one gets the ''Herd'' and the outliers.

Good post @fdgdfgdfgdfg
I think you’ve explained it well.

All the people I’ve liked who are genuinely popular, kind lovely people have that quality, they can make everyone feel important & included.

I’ve met chatty, confident people who on the surface seem very friendly, but once you start chatting, you realise they are just talking about themselves a lot & when you try to speak, they are other interrupt you, or you can tell they are waiting for you to finish, so they can talk again. They don’t really listen.

I know a women like this but when you actually get to know her on a personal level it’s turns out she’s not that nice, not that loyal and not that kind. If you get on the wrong side of her she is an absolute devil in disguise.
often people like this like to charm and gather as many people as possible as their ego depends on it. Sadly some people still aren’t out of the school mindset and value people based on their popularity level so feel compelled to get ‘involved’ with them on social media.

she may just genuinely be a complete mother Theresa who knows but i highly doubt it in my experience.
im Always very wary of social butterflies as their hearts are often as genuine as their smiles.

People may not believe this but I am like this - I’m not a particularly good person but genuinely find it very easy to be popular in lots of environments. it’s really just likeability, it’s not a thing I’m consciously doing. It’s definitely not about perfection, far from it.

I’m really aware that to be easy to like is a real golden ticket in life, it makes everything so much easier.

My husband is a much much better person than me but just a tiny bit prickly and his daily life is a lot harder.

Maybe I'm just sceptical but I think chances are if someone is liked by everyone they are being fake and not being entirely honest about their beliefs and opinions.

Being extroverted helps but it doesn't necessarily mean someone is nice. I know someone extremely extroverted and fun. I love being around him but I wouldn't say he's any nicer/kinder than your average person.

I couldn't think of anything worse than everyone wanting to be friends with me and strangers queuing up to pour out their life stories that I don't give a shit about. Thank God for my resting bitch face.

I dont think theres any great mystery here- some people have incredible social skills. People used to say about Bill Clinton that he was very charismatic and that he made you feel like you were the only person in the room- this is all down to social skills, active listening, showing care and interest without going OTT etc

Much of this is inner security and a rock solid inner confidence which is supremely attractive combined with the ability to be a social chameleon and relate to lots of different people from different environments/backgrounds by adjusting your approach based on how they approach you. I dont mean that you mimic them, just that you can adjust your social persona to fit in with people- eg if someone is shy and introverted, you might be calm and speak softly with non threatening body language, if someone is loud and brash you might make jokes with them and join in etc. The ability to read people is a very useful skill and comes in really handy.

Sadly this seems to be the default for many MNetters.

I don't know if it's driven by their own insecurities or jealousy, or what it is, but some will just go straight for clutching at negatives because they can't stand it.

I'm going to go against pp and say this is something you can definitely learn.

I've never been particularly loud, chatty or socially adept - yet both my mum and my older brother are like this. They're loud - they dominate conversations - but they have interesting stories and are v funny. People adore them.

There's two aspects to this:

• Being entertaining. People like to have fun and be entertained, people who dominate conversations with fun, interesting stories, are loud and upbeat, are well liked. This has nothing to do with how "kind" etc you are. Plenty of people are kind but massively boring. In fact unkind but fun people probably have more friends than kind, boring people. People like to have fun with their friends.

• Being interested in other people. Read the book 'how to win friends and influence people' which explains this in detail. Most people talk about themselves (and again that's really boring) - popular people talk about other people and compliment them all the time. This, again, will make people love you.

There's loads of techniques online about how to learn to be charismatic and tell interesting stories. Showing interest in others in a non fake way can also be taught.

I know all this stuff can be taught because I had a job where I had to be loud and charismatic. I blagged it until I learnt how to do it. Now I'm maybe even more charismatic and "liked" than my mum and brother, which has shocked me. But being popular is a skill, and quite a valuable one! Definitely worth learning imo

It’s called group think. Noone dare say a neg word, out loud.

My best friend is adored by everyone - even me - but If they knew half the things that they did - they would be in jail. I know they have faults, have broken many ‘proper’ laws, worked knowingly for criminals, cheated on every partner, many many times….

I’ve helped cover it up, what can you do, they are my bestie, been friends for 30 years, work committments means we only catch up very rarely, but it’s some of the best times I have.

So, Maybe that’s how - they make you like or adore them, warts and all. No idea how.

Yes! It can absolutely be taught- lots of studies on body language too and how your interactions change people's perceptions of you etc

My adult DD is like this. She is beloved by literally everyone . I think a big part of it is that she seems able to make time to spend with everyone in her world, and when she talks to people she really engages, listens , asks good questions so they feel like she is really interested in them.

Another thing she does, is she remembers everyone. If she knew you ten years ago she'll remember your name and everything about you. Her memory is phenomenal. That makes people feel special and valued.

Personally I'm an introvert and my DD's life would exhaust me. But she has been like this since she was a little girl, and all the neighborhood kids would want to play with her. It's just in her DNA, I guess.

Such a British concept. Charisma is not about being loud.

So sorry you lost her so early. That must have been so hard. 💐

I don't know about everyone loving me - but I do have one of those faces that older people are happy to chat to! I can guarantee if I'm waiting at a bus stop the OAP that's there will always start up a conversation and I'll know their life story by the time I get off the bus. And this is in London - where no one talks to anyone!

Most are simply pointing out that no one is perfect.

And they're not. Anyone deluding themselves to the contrary is setting themselves up for a succession of disappointments in life, as this will give them a wholly unrealistic expectation as to what friendship actually means.

The measure of true friendship is reciprocity, and accepting and loving people for who they are: foibles, warts and all.

I'd prefer 6 true friends to a whole village of superficial, fair-weather ones.

I know one woman like this.

love this:

“The snarling beasts of envy, spite, shame and resentment are quiet in them.”