Everyone loves her-how do you become like this?

[Backinthesummerof1995]

One of the school mums/women in my area is so loved by everyone, super popular but in that nice way as in, people just adore her. She’s v confident and quite loud, but also great fun and a genuinely nice person.
I know lots of people with a great bunch of friends, but almost literally everyone loves her and she has friends in every set of people. I’ve not seen this to this extent before. They write things on her sm (birthday etc) about her being a truly beautiful person inside and out.
How do you become a person like this?

I’d fine it impossible to find something to slag her off about.

Unlike a few of the posters here! 😂😂

I think l have tendencies to be like this😳

I like people. I like laughing a lot with them. I always look on anyone as a potential friend, and feel a bit excited going into a new place wondering who I’ll meet. I just expect to make friends and for people to want to like me or be with me. And usually they do. I’m quite confident socially.

Im quite introvert though ( need a lot of time alone) which people find a bit odd) because it’s a bit unexpected)

l had a pretty rough childhood and went to a normal school. So it’s not upbringing or posh schools.

Im sure people complain about me behind my back. But l don’t care. I don’t care if someone doesn’t like me. I just concentrate on the people who do.

Yes, please ask for this to be deleted.

You don't ever gossip - could never be me!

Actually my younger brother is like this too.

It's hard for me to understand because he has never directed his charm or charisma at his family, but it is fascinating to watch people get drawn to him like a magnet. I should add he is an intelligent and decent person and the lifelong affirmation and validation has not turned him into an asshole.

I think this post has hit the nail on the head.

One tip is that when someone mentions something important/personal to them, I make a physical note of it in my phone and then ask them about it next time, ie, How did your children football tournament go? Did you get the test results for DDogs back, hope it was positive. How’s your grandmother settling in at her new care home?

Little things that most people would forget instantly.

I have quite a good friend who is a bit like this and to be honest, it can sometimes be exhausting to be around. She knows literally everyone so you can't walk down the street without her talking to at least 5 people. She also always wants to include everyone in everything. We're part of a really nice group together that gels well and she is always suggesting inviting new people while the rest of us are happy as it is.

I'm sure not everyone loves your friend was much as you think @Backinthesummerof1995

Be enthusiastic, authentically not fake enthusiasm. Ask people questions about themselves, what interests them in whatever event or place you're at. Be interested in the answers.

Make people laugh. Find other people funny. Be glad to see people you know and enjoy meeting someone new.

I know someone like this, a really great friend - I think her secret is she never stops- she helps other people out a lot , she has a very calm and caring partner who doesn't mind her going out 'a lot' , she livens up any evening out, she's loud yes, but also has a lot of vulnerabilities which she willingly chats about. Just an all round lovely and fun person

Good point. Some people are genuine but I also think some people are not.

Maybe she is just genuinely nice because she doesn't come up with some backstory so she can backstab, or say bad things about other people to make herself feel better? Or doesn't have a chip on her shoulder? No cares what social media says about her?

It may be a shock but there are nice people in the world?

Yes there's one mum at school like this. She's universally adored by all the parents and kids. I ofteb see her she's embracing a child or another mum. She's a very warm, nurturing and confident person. It's also down to that X factor "charisma" that is so hard to describe.

Maybe all of those people you think love her, actually don’t…..but they just want to be liked by everyone so they suck up to her in the hopes that everyone will like them.

Dont they say the majority of people just have an average of 3 great friends?
Im always a bit wary of anyone who infiltrates every friend group and is supposedly friends with everyone.

You make people feel really good about themselves by being genuinely pleased to see them, validating their choices, only talking about people positively, offering genuine help and support without expectation of reciprocity or congratulations, never offering judgment or unsolicited advice, never bragging or talking yourself up, easygoing when things go wrong or don't go your way, no attempt to elbow others out to improve your own or your child's position.

I know someone like this too. And it all needs to be genuine because artifice doesn't work either, people see through it.

I'm lucky enough to know some women like this that everyone loves and I love them as well.

Kind, unfailingly optimistic, generous with everything they have, no matter who you are, warm, funny, energetic and loving - and this is the main thing - they have have absolutely no side, or snide. They don't need to, because they tell it as they see it, and they have the confidence to be real instead of following the crowd and conforming to any rubbish or zeitgeist out of fear.

Every time I see one of them, they make my day. I think it's rare. It is a combination of feeling and being completely secure in oneself, having a great personality, being empathetic to others in every situation - always.

I joined a choir in our village a few years ago and the young woman who conducted had this amazing warmth to her - she was hugely likeable and seemed to be completely at ease in her own skin IYKWIM. It's a gift I think

That’s surely a bit hard over over-trying? 😂
Actually writing down on your phone what someone has said? Surely if they’re a good friend, you would automatically remember stuff they’d told you? 🤔

If you read this and your default position is 'I'd hate her' then you are the opposite.

Used to know someone like this. The mask slipped when she said a couple of things out of order. Since then, I realised she’s always at the centre of the action. Someone is ill, she’s dropping off meals. Someone split up with husband, she’s there taking flowers. Etc. On one hand is all very nice and generous, but on the other, it’s a bit virtual signalling.

This is a really good insightful post. People subconsciously assess other people's social power. If it tells them that it will be advantageous to he seen to associate with this person, then they'll broadcast their connection/friendship as much as possible.

All the people I know that are genuinely well liked by almost everyone are the chatty, gregarious, funny ones, but who also make room for other people.

Theres loads of people who you really enjoy a conversation with but it finishes and you think "Bloody hell, I barely said a word"

Whereas the really well liked ones will notice when the quiet one in the group is wanting to say something, and will give them their attention, they'll steer the conversation, making sure everyone gets their chance.

Any arsehole can be good at talking, being funny, etc, but it takes a genuinely nice person to be all those things but also be a good conversation facilitator and make people think that they're being valued as well. That's what makes them well liked.

That's not to say that she isn't a lovely person, of course.

But you can be a lovely person without attracting hordes of others to you like bees to a honey pot

Without sounding big headed lots of people say this about me.

I don’t really know why because I’m not loud or have a larger than life personality or have the perfect life etc.
But I am nice and I don’t bitch about anyone. So perhaps people think I’m not fake.

At work in particular I will be the one who makes the new person feel comfortable and help them with learning the ropes and so I think I then naturally become one of their favourite colleagues/friends.

I don’t do it for this reason I just remember what it’s like being new and how intimidating it can be.

I think if you are kind then people will be kind to you.

I think the school gates can be quite difficult to do this and if you are shy then it’s even harder.

Exactly this.