To think teenager should be grateful for birthday party and gifts?

[Mama1209]

My 16yr old daughter is sulking, moody and crying after I didn’t get her anything from her (extensive) birthday list! On the list was a new iPhone and designer clothes & makeup which added up-to around £2k. She has been awfully behaved for the last few years in general. School day she may end up NEET - not in education or employment. She wasn’t allowed to go to prom due to poor behaviour/ performance at school. Vapes, drinks, is rude and abusive to myself & her siblings, doesn’t work or do any jobs around the house, the list goes on! We have tried everything including family counselling. Nothing works! She is so entitled -think Paris Hilton. Demanding £400+ for hair extensions, then nails, lashes etc every month which her grandparents pay for! Her dad passed away when she was 9, so his parents tend to try and make up for that. She plays Us off against each other. Anyway.. she expected a full on sweet 16th like she’s seen on TV in America. I got her a Pandora bracelet, charm & earnings, provisional driving licence and have said I’ll pay for all her lessons and test and give her £50 for each C or above she gets at GCSE. I’ve also got money which I’ve been saving since she was a baby, ready to buy her a car. I’ve hired a hot tub, glamping tent & disco bouncy castle for the weekend, she’s had her boyfriend sleep over in it as well as a special cake, Mac Donald’s & sweet deliveries (most of which got wasted) but she’s moped about all weekend. She said her friends got designer coats etc and when she told them what she got they said “that’s a bit shit” and was crying telling me this. She’s also got about £200-300 cash of family members so far! I did pre warn her that if her behaviour continued I wouldn’t be getting her any birthday presents but she still confined to swear at me and call me names. We also took her away for the weekend last weekend, we had to cut the trip short due to her behaviour, fighting with her brother and calling me names. AIBU not getting her more gifts? Or expecting her to be grateful for what she DID get?!

I actually think the Pandora bracelet was a lovely gift. Loads of teens here still wearing them. They are still very popular, and not just with younger teens either. I think you know your dd is very spoiled. What you provided sounds lovely and, if anything, far too much given her behaviour and attitude. It’s very difficult for you to control though without her grandparents on board.

We don't really get the kids anything much for their birthdays, but get them little stuff over the year, so they don't really expect too much. prob wouldn't spend over £20!

I think you've given her far too much in all honesty. That sounds like an American style sweet 16 anyway. Tbh if you've given her this much even though she has been so rude, I suspect this behaviour isn't just the making of her grandparents.

I got about £50 worth for my significant birthdays as a teenager, this is the most spoilt bullshit I’ve ever heard.

Is this what it’s like these days? Why the fuck does a 16 year old need a designer coat extensions and lashes? I earn a decent wage and wouldn’t dream of getting that waste of money nonsense for myself.

Presume she means a 4 or low C. Some places want a 5 or high C though.
Sounds like a spolit brat!
If behaviour was that bad mine would not have got thought.

Cry. How bloody pathetic

Yes. That gave me pause for thought, too.

She does sound ungrateful but she let you know what she wanted and you got her nothing from it. Instead it sounds like you spent a lot of money on other stuff so probably could have afforded something from her list.

a provisional driving license at 16 is odd, most people would get that ahead of a 17th, she can’t use it for a year.

she was probably disappointed and let it show.

It’s not clear who you’re replying to, OP.

I think the bouncy castle isn't a children's one - it's got a roof and has lights, music etc. I've been to a 21st where they had this and it was a hit.

Jeez all my dd asked for for her 16th was her name change by deed poll, and she was ecstatically happy when we did that.

Your Dd sounds like a spoilt brat, having said that I suspect give it a few years and she’s going to be rather embarrassed by her own behaviour. I don’t know if you can do more to make her see sense, 16 year olds can be stubborn, but if she does end up a NEET then I’d be restricting everything but basics, she’d have a PAYG SIM card with a £10 bundle each month and her food, water etc. but she wouldn’t be getting money for trips out.

Yes I do spoil them all and usually they are great full, but she expected more this year as it was what she called a “special” birthday

She's a spoilt brat and I would give her nothing.

I think you ARE being unreasonable - but for completely the opposite reason. YABU with the gifts she has had. Do you know how many young girls would weep with happiness to receive an item of Pandora jewellery at the moment?

DD or not, I'm sorry but she sounds vile. With her conduct and attitude like that, I would not be buying her anything other than basic necessities. As for a driving licence, I would fear for the safety of both her and other road users if she approaches learning to drive with the same shitty regard that she holds her family in.

FFS, stop indulging her!

A lot of people are still wearing Pandora or at least collecting the charms but I know some mumsnetters are snobby about it.

Is 16 the new 18 now then?

mama1209.....this may sound old fashioned but you have spoily her. terribly terribly spoilt. I would never have dared asked my parents for all that sort of stuff at that age. stop putting up with her horrible behaviour and start being her mum not her friend.otherwise shes going to have a hell of a shock when she gets in the real world

I.lost the plot at the boyfriend being allowed to stay over despite the behaviour, the NEETs, etc.

My daughter made a very generous list to herself for her 17th birthday
However she makes the list in the knowledge that she won't get everything on it, and she's fine with that. It's to give me ideas.
I'd rather get her a few things that she really wants than none at all.

Is 16 a special birthday in England? Or is it just in America? Where I live it’s 15, but that is mostly because you can drive a moped then if you want. You don’t receive more presents or anything (well, unless you get a moped 😅).

Maybe instead of wasting money on that shite you could have got her something she wanted?

If she was mine she'd have got nothing but a card. Spoilt, ungrateful, abusive girl that she is. More fool you for letting her walk all over you and then guilt trip you into thinking you should have done/bought more.
Do yourself a favour and send her to live with her grandparents.

Where do you live?

How do you react to her when she is yelling at you? Do you yell back?

I didn’t think it was shite I thought she would like it and have a fun time celebrating with her friends and family :(

She doesn’t deserve it.