To immediately remove my child from childminder

[Ohriley]

My child has been going to a childminder for 2 years - with 2 days a week at a preschool and the remainder with her. I don't like her at all, she's becoming more and more unhinged in how she deals with me - however I've kept them with her because they enjoy their time there and have nothing negative to say.

This week, my child has told me that they're sometimes left alone in the car while the childminder goes to the shop. They're not one for making up stories.

They start school in September so only 6 weeks to go and I can scrabble together alternative care until then.

Would you upset your child's routine for your own sanity / the safety issue or would you stick it out for a further 6 weeks?

But it happens and has happened.
A childminder should not be leaving kids alone in a car.

OP trust your gut, if something feels wrong it usually is. When my DS was younger he had a childminder for 10 months and something just felt off from the start. Eventually we found out there were a number of complaints made to ofsted and she was suspended whilst they investigated. That was enough for me given the nature of the complaints and I withdrew him, although I wish I had done it sooner!

I’m always hesitant to disrupt as well but the clock thing is nuts, sorry. Sorry you are going through this!

There is no way I would leave my child with someone I consider unhinged, I would have removed them a while ago. There is a difference between paying at pump on a forecourt and leaving in the car while popping into a shop. I would never leave in the car while going into a shop, even for five minutes, you can’t guarantee what will happen. I would remove now if you are able to cover it until going to school. Definitely report to ofsted also.

My daughter had similar incidents & attitude from childminder. Childminder in fact, was behaving like she owned the children’s love. Rather scary! Best remove immediately & be prepared for any fall out.

He has been there for 2 years and you have 6 weeks left? 12 sessions?

just go with it now. No point making the next few weeks difficult

Sorry! 15 sessions and he's not unhappy so leave him there

Your child's health and welfare is your priority. Remove your child from the childminder and report the childminder. I have seen for myself children not being properly cared for by a childminder and didn't hesitate to report

15 opportunities for her child to be sat alone in a car on the side of the road that could be hit by another car? No thanks.

@GoodChat

Unlikely though

Just talk to her and say you don't want child left alone in a parked car

Like a PP said, the 4 year old could have gotten facts wrong

My point is that childminders are usually considered a less skiled job, and you get what you pay for in terms of their composition.

I gave up my career for my family to avoid that problem.

I leave my DS in the car when I pop to pay for petrol or into the shop for a couple of minutes. That’s my decision. I wouldn’t leave someone else’s child in the car alone and I certainly wouldn’t expect a paid professional to.

Beth is unhinged don’t listen to her 😂

I would remove them as soon as possible, especially as you don’t like her and feel she is unhinged. Trust your gut OP.

Her behaviour sounds nitpicky, weird and could be controlling. If she is messaging you and complaining about normal child behaviour, how is she reacting at the time and what sort of messages are they receiving as a result?

You leave your child with someone you don't like and describe as unhinged, I'd be worried about you!

@Yamatoosogani I don't see looking after children as a less skilled or indeed a less important role, so I expect professional behaviour from professionals in those positions. Given what I pay for one child, and the fact that they have 5 of them, we probably take home a similar amount - not that it's relevant to anyone. Some people do it for the love of working with kids, for some it fits with their lifestyle and others might have other reasons.

Please don't think there's some sort of superiority thing going on here - I think I have reasonable expectations - I don't mind personal errands going on with my child in tow, I don't mind that they probably watch way too much TV etc. I do mind lots of the other things that are happening and I don't like the thought that there could be a grain of truth in my child being left in a car alone while she pops into the corner shop. I'm aware it's not illegal, I'm aware other people do it - I don't, and I've lost trust in the childminder that may have done it.

I know great people who work in childcare and I don't think she is a reflection on the profession as a whole. I also have no interest in trying to withhold payment or similar

@erral I hope you're never in a position where someone seemingly reasonable changes over time and you yourself are judged for it.

I put up with her attitude towards me because I believed she was caring for my child well, and they were always happy to go there. I thought I was doing a good thing for my child by keeping him with someone he trusts and never mind the stress she caused me. Maybe that was naive but I was trying to l genuinely wanted to avoid disruption to my child if I possibly could.

As its now escalated I've made the decision to remove my child.

Ohriley I would do what you have suggested. Take him away and put in place the other arrangements.
You clearly have given this a lot of thought and are being very reasonable, taking the money hit in your stride as 'collateral damage'. I'd try and disregard the people who make remarks about going out to work or about any other things some people might try to say about you. On MN you have to think of them as 'collateral damage' too and shrug them off. You know that you gave this woman a fair chance and that things have got worse.

When it's an issue of safety, as far as I am concerned, there is no alternative but to take action to keep your child safe. The toilet issue too sounds as though she is not able to deal with boys. Regarding his little friend, I'd try to arrange to invite him to tea, or make an arrangement with his mum to let them play together.
It sounds to me that you are a very hard-working, sensible and good mum. I'm a Granny so feel I can say that without sounding patronising. I know how hard it is to make ends meet and to organise everything when you are a single working mum and I have nothing but admiration for you.

The summer will fly by and soon he will be a school-boy! Be proud of yourself for how you have given him such a good start.

As a retired childminder myself ( after 30 years ) I only ever had 2 children that did not settle with me as hard as I tried. I like to think I had a good relationship with the parents. Only occasionally did I find a parent so full of guilt for leaving their child anything I did was wrong, I lifted a child from my car one awful winter night heavy rain , and then strapped him the buggy and switched the tv on, as I went to get my own son out of the car plus a 3 year old the mother arrived , and in a temper said I NEVER put him in front of the tv, I explained my son was still in the car so what would she of preferred?
A few days later she arrived at my house with the same child sat on her knee on front seat while she was getting a lift to work with both her and driver sharing a cigarette! Another time I was asked to drop him at her home after a day out, she then told me to leave him on the front open lawn to have a play, he was 16 months old. If your child is not fretting before going to childminder not making a real fuss going in ( after the settling in period) I would assume her issues are with some parents taking advantage, and not being mean to the children. As for leaving them in the car to get a loaf of bread, would it be safer to lift 3 /4 children out of a car into a shop instead? It is One of the hardest jobs ever, I did it because I genuinely like children and did not want anyone else to look after mine, we all have choices. Some of the comments on this subject are rude, reporting people to ofsted? For what exactly. We have a parent locally who’s children are obese, she has been with several childminders including myself and had reported every one of them, she does it to escape payments, I took her to court, she was ordered to pay me , but failed after two payments. It is a difficult job, but most people doing it live having children in their home, I know I did. If your gut tells you you are not happy with your childcare, work on that.

Ohriley. Although it was an hour before I posted, I didn't see your last message saying;
"As its now escalated I've made the decision to remove my child".
That's great! I'm glad you've been able to decide.

Have a lovely Summer. Wishing you and your little one lots of love and happiness.

Jenelliot

I can see you have had a lot to deal with. From your descriptions I think you are more experienced and professional than the Childminder in this OP's experience. I agree that Parents differ very widely, I used to teach, so met many. Dealing with them when your job is to teach or look after their children can be the most difficult thing in the world at times. I think Childminders need support. Often they work alone.

I think the case here has been explained very clearly and the OP has demonstrated she has given the Childminder a lot of time to resolve the problems but sadly things have only got worse. If the Childminder just cries and is not able to discuss things professionally, that does not help. The OP's descriptions show she has not been confrontational or unreasonable, but acted politely and normally. The clock on the door really does sound excessive. I think by taking her child away now, the OP is making the best move for both sides, but most of all, she has to feel sure her child is safe.

I think the fact you said in one sentence you don’t like her and she’s unhinged should be enough. I wouldn’t send my kids with someone I didn’t like. Think you answered your own question really.

I’m glad you’ve made a decision and have help with childcare over the summer.
I have to ask though, why do you pay for a day that you don’t ever use?? Was there some sort of minimum hour contract with her??
I would be making sure I paid the notice period and not a penny more!

There should be a couple of minutes leeway either side. I always encouraged it to allow parents time to remove their coats and outdoor shoes.Also to say goodbye properly. Did you ask the childcare why the clock was taped to the door?

Remove without hesitation. I ignored some early signals all wasn’t right with my now grown up eldest’s childminder. The things I found out after I’d moved him to a new childminder I still can’t think about because it gives me goosebumps and it’s 24 years ago! There’s nothing more reliable than a parent’s instinct, never ignore your gut feeling.

something similar happened to me, I didn’t get the full truth until my son knew he wouldn’t be seeing the childminder again. He then told me that she was hitting him, I was heartbroken and told my son he must never lie. He then opened up and told me everything. I confronted the childminder and she became so angry but I knew by her reaction my son was telling the truth. I reported her to ofsted and they looked into the report. Few weeks later social services turned up at my door someone had reported me for child abuse. Obviously I knew straight away how this had happened. So if you do decide to take action she may get nasty. My ex childminder also tried to cause problems for me when my son went to a school she started picking and dropping children off. If you honestly believe your childminder is unhinged there is no way I’d leave my children with them.
I was a nanny for many years and I would never leave any child alone in a car not even for a second. A childminder who I knew well left children in the car with the car set in park. That car and the children ended up in front of someone’s lovely home, lucky the children were okay just cuts and bruises. I wouldn’t risk any of my children that way. You treat the children you look after like you would your own. You safeguard them from any risk’s and if ofsted knew children were been left unattended there would be a investigation. I loved my job and I felt highly honoured to have parents trust of looking after their children.
remember they are your children and children get used to a change in routine very easily and it will also give you peace of mind. You won’t need to worry if she’s leaving your children in the car unattended or if she’s behaving more unhinged around your children. Plus once you don’t have her in your life anymore you’ll feel so much better but be prepared because your children will probably tell you do much more.
I wish you well