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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nephew only invited blood cousins and husband being wet blanket

274 replies

Uberprincess · 20/07/2023 16:36

Married 10 years, older kids 13 and nearly 16 see their father rarely. Stepson 17 and a child between us 8.

Husband has nephew reasonably close in age to him who is getting married. Stepson and little one invited, my eldest aren’t.
Husband doesn’t see what problem is but both he and mother-in-law have offered to pay for them.
I don’t want them offering to pay I expect them to tell nephew that they’re family and demand invitation. AIBU?

OP posts:
Doidontimmm · 20/07/2023 16:38

How well do all the dc know the nephew?

Covidiokilledtheradiostar · 20/07/2023 16:39

I think it really depends on their relationship with the person getting married. I have an older son from a perilous relationship and he’s treated like family by some of DH family and my son is invited and I’m used in all family events with them but I wouldn’t expect DH other cousin to invite my eldest to his wedding because they have no relationship. They’ve met my son twice over the years

FionnulaTheCooler · 20/07/2023 16:40

You don't get to "demand" an invitation, that's rude. If you don't like the way the invitations have been done don't go.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 20/07/2023 16:41

It's not very inclusive but you can't demand an invitation.

How well do the non-invited children know the groom?

Since you are taking umbrage, perhaps your husband and his eldest son could attend.

CoreyTaylorsSoggyTshirt · 20/07/2023 16:41

You don't get to demand an invitation.

You can decide not to go if you like, but you can't insist that your kids, who aren't related to him, get to go to his wedding.

Original poster
Uberprincess · 20/07/2023 16:42

Known longer than our youngest! See him all the time. He is Dh’s mate. All DH could do was offer to bloody pay as if they’re second class citizens.

OP posts:
VeterinaryCareAssistant · 20/07/2023 16:44

Your husband's children are related to the nephew, whereas your older children are not.

I presume on your side of the family it's easier to include your stepson as you already have three that are biologically related to them.

towriteyoumustlive · 20/07/2023 16:46

You can't insist on an invite, as that's just as rude as not inviting the non blood relation kids.

You need to make a decision as a family whether you go or not. If you find the invite offensive then all of you should not go.

Given the length of time you've been together and the fact you're married, it is rather odd not to invite you all.

FlowersInTheSky · 20/07/2023 16:46

YABVU. You don’t get to demand anyone gets an invite and I’d tell you to get to fuck if you tried that at my wedding 😂

HarrietStyles · 20/07/2023 16:49

It’s not always about money. Our wedding venue was quite small and we had a maximum number of guests we could invite. It meant that we invited our cousins on both sides but not their other halves (none were married). Several of them were pissed off that their boyfriends/girlfriends weren’t invited……… but if I’d invited them, it meant one less of my actual close friends I couldn’t invite. It could be that. If it means so much to you then just politely decline the invitation.

Original poster
Uberprincess · 20/07/2023 16:49

Said to not so D H that we should decline and tell them why. No way on earth would Stepson decline and DH says he’s shocked but he is going and taking youngest with him.

OP posts:
SummerInSun · 20/07/2023 16:49

Do your 13 and 16 year old actually want to spend a whole day and evening at a wedding of their stepfather's cousin? I totally get the point you are making but not worth mountains go family drama to get two teens invited to an event if they are going to moan and sit on their phones through the whole thing, for example.

WhatADrabCarpet · 20/07/2023 16:49

You are in danger of turning this issue into an unpleasant drama that will mar the occasion.

Prinnny · 20/07/2023 16:52

His wedding his choice.

DinnaeFashYersel · 20/07/2023 16:53

I'd leave all the kids behind and just you and DH go

LobsterCrab · 20/07/2023 16:55

YANBU to feel this way OP and I would be hurt too. I agree with pp you can't demand an invite though.

Sweetashunni · 20/07/2023 16:58

WhatADrabCarpet · 20/07/2023 16:49

You are in danger of turning this issue into an unpleasant drama that will mar the occasion.

This. Your kids are not his relatives. It’s tiring being attached to a step family through no fault of your own and having to treat a load of non-relatives ‘like your own’ especially when it comes to events like this that are already expensive.

Original poster
Uberprincess · 20/07/2023 16:59

100% my kids want to go. They regard him as a cousin. They are devastated! No way would stepson not go and no way will little one not be taken by husband.

10 years we have been married.

OP posts:
GlitteryFarts · 20/07/2023 16:59

As someone from a family with a divide like this I agree with you OP. When my mum and step-dad had my younger siblings there were apparent differences in the way we were treated by step-dads side of the family. My mum and step-dad quickly nipped that right in the bud. We were a family, he married my mum and took us on as his own to the point he simply refer to him as Dad.
If this had happened in our family he would have told them where to shove the invite for half his family.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/07/2023 17:00

I think you're being really over the top about this. They have to cut numbers somewhere, and your kids from a previous relationship aren't related to them.

changeyerheadworzel · 20/07/2023 17:01

Aquamarine1029 · 20/07/2023 17:00

I think you're being really over the top about this. They have to cut numbers somewhere, and your kids from a previous relationship aren't related to them.

This, you are being ridiculous.

Ragwort · 20/07/2023 17:06

With an attitude like your's I can't imagine anyone wanting to invite you to a wedding.

RedHelenB · 20/07/2023 17:06

Uberprincess · 20/07/2023 16:49

Said to not so D H that we should decline and tell them why. No way on earth would Stepson decline and DH says he’s shocked but he is going and taking youngest with him.

That's that then. I wouldn't make a big issue about it. Ideally all would be invited but given numbers are limited and your children are of an age where weddings probably aren't that pleasurable it doesn't seem worth a family rift.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 20/07/2023 17:07

I understand why it's hurtful. They should have avoided inviting the youngest, then it would seem as though the cutoff were age-related rather than blood-related.

Your husband doesn't sound very sympathetic. I think that's your main problem, not the wedding invitation.

OhmygodDont · 20/07/2023 17:08

You can’t demand an invite smh.

The have invited who they wanted to, your dh and step son want to go. Dh wants to take youngest. Done. If you don’t wish to go to make some stand they by all means but I doubt the groom will care.

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