Nephew only invited blood cousins and husband being wet blanket

[Uberprincess]

Married 10 years, older kids 13 and nearly 16 see their father rarely. Stepson 17 and a child between us 8.

Husband has nephew reasonably close in age to him who is getting married. Stepson and little one invited, my eldest aren’t.
Husband doesn’t see what problem is but both he and mother-in-law have offered to pay for them.
I don’t want them offering to pay I expect them to tell nephew that they’re family and demand invitation. AIBU?

Pay for what exactly? Pay the nephew to invite them?

I agree with this.

You can’t demand an invite but you can not go and say that they will never be welcome at your house and if your DH sees him again your marriage is over - your DH should be putting you and ALL the kids first.

Because OP used to world demand and they’re step kids. It’s a classic MN thing to get hackles up about. It’s obvious why this is incredibly hurtful to the children, it will make them hyper aware they’re not seen as real family. How anyone could do that to kids is just grim tbh. If you need to cut numbers you invite all the kids or none. Imagine picking favourites if they were blood related… everyone would be up in arms.

OP you are right to be annoyed.

You all are invited or you don’t go.

how hurtful for cousin to show that he really doesn’t give two fucks about your kids because they aren’t blood even if he sees them all the time.

She doesn't get to tell him anything. Certainly OP can explain how she feels about it to him but she's not the boss of him.

Exactly. And people are saying they’re step family, like they’re random relatives who have barely met each other. This is a family unit who are clearly in a lot of contact with the nephew.

It's a shitty and hurtful thing to do. YANBU.

It depends how big the wedding is. If he’s invited 200 people then yes his step-cousins(?) should maybe have been invited, if he’s invited 50 and 6 of those are his uncle, his uncles kids and his uncle’s wife’s kids, he’s not being at all unreasonable not to invite them. Remember guests cost upwards of £50 a head, usually more like 100. 600 on one family where 2 of the members aren’t actually related to you is really costly.

You sound over-invested and entitled - it's this sort of behaviour that makes weddings absolutely miserable.

There may be complex family dynamics on the bride’s side which has led to them having to make an across the board decision like this.

They aren't invited, that's it, done. If you handle it properly instead of making a fuss your dc will get over it just fine, it's just a wedding after all.

Yadnbu.

People who treat stepchildren as lesser 2nd class citizens, and then try to darvo if stepchildren/other family members are upset about that are quite frankly stupid and heartless. Getting married is no justification for that kind of behavior neither. Id insist all kids or no kids.

Also to everyone saying its 'just a wedding' well it'll be no big deal if the husband and younger child don't go then, after all it's 'just a wedding'.

Oh honey 🤦‍♀️

It’s just a wedding to the attendees, it’s not just a wedding to the bride and groom. You really fail to see the difference? How embarrassing for you.

Of course you can't demand an invite. Nobody is obliged to invite anyone to their wedding.

your children from a previous relationship may have been removed from
the list for reasons other than budget including venue size.

you are edging towards causing unnecessary family drama, spoiling the run up to a lovely event and ruining the relationship between DH and Nephew if you carry on with this.

your husband should go with the kids that are invited and enjoy a day with his children. I'm sure his stepchildren will be invited to other things. This is so unnecessary on your part.

You can't demand an invite but obviously neither the cousin or your DH think of your eldest 2 as family which must be very hurtful. It would make me re-evaluate my relationship with them both tbh 💐

It’s not very nice of them. I wouldn’t demand an invite as the damage is done now but I would be hurt and I wouldn’t forget it and I’d probably decline myself and let DH and other two kids go

demand an invitation

Gets popcorn 🍿

Sounds like you got a wonderful Dad. I’m so happy for you!

Ive done that with my step siblings.

They dont regard me as family, since Im not blood (and obviously, my mother is the witch that married their father) so Ive distanced myself accordingly.

My step cousins, and aunt/uncle, on the other hand, regard me as family, and I do regard them as family as well, and as such, we have a relationship just as close as I do with my blood aunts and cousins!

Can’t believe people saying you’re rude to demand an invitation - who the hell invites half a family to a wedding?!

For me the only situation that would warrant this would be if your kids with your ex didn’t live with you.

This is all so pretty. It's just a few hours of a party that the kids probably won't even enjoy. I'm not sure it's worth creating family ructions, given that the people getting married are entitled to invite whoever the hell they like.

I wouldn't demand an invitation for the other children. I'd offer to pay so the others could come. If they decline then I'd ask he kids how they feel about it. If the uninvited aren't bothered, I'd let husband take the invited kids. However if they're feeling sad about it, then no-one could go. Because it really isn't fair? Is it? Very telling their attitude, only blood are invited. I'd find it very rude.

Absolutely. And I suppose the step kids are just step kids . How embarrassing that after TEN years they thought they were actual family!

good lord some people are cruel