Nephew only invited blood cousins and husband being wet blanket

[Uberprincess]

Married 10 years, older kids 13 and nearly 16 see their father rarely. Stepson 17 and a child between us 8.

Husband has nephew reasonably close in age to him who is getting married. Stepson and little one invited, my eldest aren’t.
Husband doesn’t see what problem is but both he and mother-in-law have offered to pay for them.
I don’t want them offering to pay I expect them to tell nephew that they’re family and demand invitation. AIBU?

There are some really cold responses on this thread.

I have step cousins on both sides of my family (one on one side and three on the other) and they were NEVER treated any differently to my other cousins. That would have been unkind.

I agree OP that you should all be invited or not go. It's so nasty after 10 years to push them out. It's a hill I'd die on.

The message is clearly - you're family, unless it costs us money then they aren't.

Loads of people invite people who arent biological relatives- you for example are not a biological relative but it sounds like you're invited. Or are you the assumed childcare for the snubbed children x

Some of the responses are unbelievable. I'm just glad my child was accepted and treated equally to DHs children. We don't have children together but our kids were young when we got together and have grown up with each other. I can't imagine how hurt my DD would be to be excluded because she's 'not equal'. God help some of the step-children if these posters ever become a step-parent.

I think it's awful to treat family like that. My brother has a stepdaughter and she's my niece. We get invited to their parties/ weddings etc, and them to ours.

Would you expect your MIL to leave your DD an equal amount of money in her will as her grandchildren?

But they’re not close enough to invite, I would never invite them to any family gatherings that I host even though I see them as they aren’t my family & if you have to keep guest list down due to space/cost then they are first to go

What kind of idiot decides to invite their uncle and his wife and only two of their four children to their wedding because the other two aren't 'blood' relatives and are only their uncle's step-kids?

And some people on this thread actually think this is okay? Give me strength.

Well my grandad did

That was kind of your grandad right?

Regardless of how well you know them… they are still not the nephews actual family.

That's totally the same as a wedding invite isn't it? Exactly the same. I'll answer it though. Mother in law has told DH and his siblings she's leaving her money to the siblings and they have to sort out what the grandchildren are getting. So yes my DC will get something.

I didn't ask what is she planning. I asked would you expect her to leave your DD an equal amount? Or would you understand if she didn't.

Now that you've said that I wonder if she's only doing it that way so she doesn't have to decide. It is rather convenient.

Completely agree with this post

I wouldn't be happy either.
We have steps/halfs in our family and its always been buy for us all or buy for none, invite us all or invite none etc..
If "D" H is insisting on going I would be furious in your position - and no way would I let him take our youngest child. I feel very strongly about stuff like this as I've seen my eldest child sidelined in the past (and soon put a stop to it) plus I was in the position myself as a child/teen - and let me tell you it does not feel good!

Reducing adoption to "piece of paper" is disgusting.

Trying to be amusing or clever in your reply simply illustrates your ignorance and lack of understanding of adoption

It's not that simple. The stepson wants to go. So he'll be pissed off if he can't go because his step siblings feel sad.
Why do their feelings trump his?
It's not worth such drama. Tell DH to go with the kids that are invited and spend some quality time with your children.
Or accept your MIL and DH offer to pay. I think it's lovely to offer but you're determined to make an issue out of it. You are incredibly rude and entitled to think you can demand and invite. If you are this much hard work in real life then I can think of another reason why your children weren't invited.

There always has to be a line with wedding numbers.
Here it's the cousin's second wife's children from her first marriage.

So is reducing family to blood. That was my point.

I’m not sure if you’re just pretending to not get that, and you’re deliberately trying to manipulate what I’ve said to be something else, or if I really needed to explain it but there you go.

I think you probably shouldn't go as you will be annoyed there. Are you sure your kids are as upset as you say or are you projecting? It's a bit much to be this upset over a wedding invite.

I understood what you were saying, and I’m not particularly intelligent. So I’m not sure why other people don’t understand you, or ‘won’t’ understand you.

That is the way a lot of families view steps. My father died in the last year and his wife of over 40 years has cut all contact with her stepchildren, step grandchildren along with all other steps. We were obviously never considered as family.

Of course i know my kids aren’t considered real family but for the sake of two wedding invitations why couldn’t they be kind?

I don’t care that strangers think I am insane but I don’t understand why they’re doubting my children are upset. My daughter has finished school so was there when I opened invitation and she cried. There is more chance of me flying than stepson declining that invitation and do people expect some sort of King Solomon tug of war with my youngest. I can’t stop husband taking him.

Every other weekend for half a year for the last five years nephew comes to my house after going out with DH and my eldest son. He knows all of my kids.

I have never caused a scene about anything before but I am fucking raging and I am incensed that my MiL and husband approached nephew’s mother with offers of money rather than challenge the fucking insult. Nephew and partner come from successful families and are successful themselves, they can afford to be inclusive. Even if this money is accepted we’re not going I am completely insulted.
Husband has a great relationship with my kids but seems to think it’s acceptable what his nephew has done.

👏🏻

What a snidey comment that was.

It was kind of him to leave any of us something. And, like I have said upthread, in our family everyone gets treated the same.

Of course i know my kids aren’t considered real family but for the sake of two wedding invitations why couldn’t they be kind?

@Uberprincess
I agree with you 100% here.

The nephew has done a horrible thing to your family.

I'd be interested to know who got the invitations that should have gone to your kids.