Nephew only invited blood cousins and husband being wet blanket

[Uberprincess]

Married 10 years, older kids 13 and nearly 16 see their father rarely. Stepson 17 and a child between us 8.

Husband has nephew reasonably close in age to him who is getting married. Stepson and little one invited, my eldest aren’t.
Husband doesn’t see what problem is but both he and mother-in-law have offered to pay for them.
I don’t want them offering to pay I expect them to tell nephew that they’re family and demand invitation. AIBU?

Not sure I understand what being paid for means in this context exactly but if DH and MIL have found a way to keep the peace, you shouldn’t insist on going to war.

Are you serious?

Agree with this.

You're clearly hurt by this, but your husband's cousin clearly doesn't feel that your sons are his cousins and I don't think there's any way to insist that he should.

What did nephew say when DH and MIL offered to pay?

I don’t think you are being ridiculous. Your kids have a relationship with the groom and their brothers are invited. I’ve been the excluded step child and it’s painful. I can still remember very clearly how I felt in the same circumstances.

Personally (because of my bias) I’d split up over this. But at the very least I would refuse to interact with the groom on any level in future, anyone who hurts my kids is not welcome in their home and I’d be making that very clear.

There's always a numbers cut off somewhere and tbh they're not his relatives - why would he invite them if there's numbers to keep to? I'd rather have extra friends at the wedding over step cousins.

You don't demand an invitation. Nephew has made perfectly clear he doesn't regard them as family. I suggest they adjust their view of him as well.

Why on Earth would your 17 year old want to go?

The bride and groom are entitled to choose who they invite to THEIR wedding.

You don't have any right to issue demands. It's not your day.

They wouldn't, unless they have never been to a wedding before and don't realise they are so boring!

I agree with this. It is a horrible situation OP. I know the modern argument is that people can do what they want at their own weddings but the nephew has been really rude when you are clearly a family unit by inviting only half the kids. You are now in the difficult position of either accepting was is real rudeness and a slight or being rude yourself. I just don't know what the answer is. My sister has a stepson who does not live with them but I have always sent presents for all the kids - who leaves kids out? Horrible.

Insisting on an invite is rude.
Weddings COST, and you can't just invite everyone. If he invited your kids there'd probably be others he'd have to invite. Not your wedding, not your choice - but you can decide not to go.

I think it's really shitty to invite half a household to a wedding. If they weren't resident children I could understand it better but to only invite half the children in the house and the middle two as well is very unkind.

People are so strange about weddings.

OP, I get why you’re upset. No, your children aren’t technically blood related, but they are still family.

Personally, I would turn down the invitation on behalf of the entire family, and not say another word about it.
Personally I would feel differently about a spouse who would be happy to leave part of the family behind

I’d knock it on the head, that seeing him all the time business. He clearly does not see you as you see him. You’re (you and your oldest two) not his relatives, so start behaving in a way that reminds him he is not yours either. He’s just a random, nothing close.

‘When someone shows you who they are…’ etc etc.

But this is what I don’t understand.
I’d rather compromise on food/ venue etc if it meant I didn’t have to make shitty decisions like the one OP is faced with. It just highlights an ungenerous heart

At least you amd your children know where you stand. He doesn't see you as family. It's shit but it is their wedding, you can't force an invite.

At 17 the only reason I would want to go to a family wedding would be to get drunk. Hardly there for the romance/atmosphere/dancing

That is really hurtful OP. If they didn't have much of a relationship with the nephew, fair enough. But in that situation where they are close enough to consider him family, how could he not invite them? Really disgusting.
I wouldn't hold it against your stepson that he still wants to go, but would expect differently from your DH. He should be saying to his nephew "Sorry but we either come as a family or not at all" or simply declining the invitation. Instead your DH sees nothing wrong and then as a compromise offers to pay - how's that supposed to make your children feel?

It's only a wedding. Most weddings are really boring for kids. Chill out.

If MIL has offered to pay and nephew is ok with this arrangement and it solves the problem, I don't get why you don't just do that? "Demanding" anything just turns you into the bad guy and stirs up drama for no reason when your husband and MIL have offered a solution?

I wouldn't insist they your older son - I would refuse to attend the wedding.

OP: " Am I Being Unreasonable "

90% of Mumsnetters : Yes, and rude and ridiculous

OP : No I'm not! and here's the reason why!

Why post in AIBU if you are going to argue the toss over the response.

The situation is crystal clear anyway..they have a budget and numbers and they aren't going to invite a cousins step kids.

Are you invited?