Why do some people have comparatively smooth easy lives, and others the opposite?

[Unbalance]

I mean I think it's down to random luck really, there is no why. But it's just on my mind.

Lots of people seem to believe that we all get dealt roughly a similar amount of shit over a lifetime but I really don't think that's true. Some people seem notably more lucky than others overall?

Do you believe everyone gets an approximately similar slice of shit pie?

I think if you start off with two loving parents who can afford to meet your needs, and if you are relatively healthy - you have hit the jackpot.

I agree with every single thing you've said.

Pure luck. There’s no balancing force out there sadly

Definitely luck is a big factor.
if you’re born into a stable (financially/emotionally etc) family then you’re already ahead of those who aren’t.

I think most people experience shit in their lives at some point

But the AMOUNTS of shit are different

Like anyone can cope with three stinking cowpats dumped on their head.

For others though life is like falling into a slurry tank.

This. Not only do adverse childhood events mean that you've been given a start which is different, it also means that how you process trauma going forward is different. And you may make different choices (partners etc.) which then lead to more trauma.

If someone has a head injury or a PD, MH issue or physical health issue, life is different.

DH and I have had manageable challenges. Big ones but manageable. One of the reasons is because we both had loving parents. No perfect but not abusive.

I agree that luck is a huge factor.

however do Bear in mind that some struggles and difficulties are easier to see than others. A good friend of mine has from the outside a fantastic life but has a serious chronic illness that she has told almost noone about other than very close family and friends and has also caused her years of fertility struggles. Most people wouldn’t know anything about this and would assume she has no worries or problems.

Similarly in our family we had a completely awful situation arise about 10 years ago, it was horrendous for everyone involved but likewise almost noone knows about it as we chose not to tell most people.

So you never really know what people are dealing with.

I think it’s how you deal with it. I’ve had a childhood that was shit, both parents shit, I was just going to be another statistical number for teenage pregnancy who then dole dosses all her life, but my mind set was different from the rest of my family. I’m the winner.

Unfortunately the only one too, my siblings stayed in the trap and became our parents,- lying, cheating dole dossers who think working is for mugs. Just get pregnant, get a free house, then never work.

You can choose to let bad things drag you down or fight against it, it’s all about your attitude. I was born into a hard life, but I chose not to let it drag me down.

Luck. Do you remember the Everybody Needs to wear sunscreen song by Baz Luhrman? He summed it up in that - about not being too smug as so much of your life is luck, and that starts from the moment your mum carries you out of the hospital . . .

I agree 100% that’s exactly how I feed about my life 😢

*feel not feed

This!

I had a very easy life (good childhood, loving family, good education, great friends, travel, lovely.house, nice holidays, healthy children, loving partner) until I had a child with ASN and significant health issues. Nothing but nothing compares to how my life has changed. Sheer luck. And there are plenty with far worse luck than me.

Yes they do. Some people cope with it, find a way around it, and thrive nonetheless. And some people actively seek shit out and invite it into their lives. Sorry, but I know a lot of people who make problems for themselves and then wonder why their life is so hard.

@Whattodowithit88 agreed you can change the hand that life dealt you with attitude to an extent too - realise my post sounds like you should just accept your lot 😄

I teach young people financial literacy and one of the things I teach is capital. There is social capital, financial capital and personal capital. If you don't have one, you need the others.

Social is friends and family, financial is savings, personal is being clever, hard-working and social. If my landlord throws me out I either need friends to take me in, money to pay for something else, or the means to get myself resources. Some people don't have any of those. So they end up homeless.

The cliche life isn't fair is true. Some are unlucky and bounce back. Some have bad luck at a vulnerable time that leads to behaviour that brings about more "bad luck" and it becomes a cycle. Stable family, loving parents and good physical and mental health are definitely the basics, people with these can deal with the shit lives throws. I have a friend who has all the "basics" and makes very sensible decisions and has the most awful run of luck her adult life, you couldn't make it up.

@MrsTerryPratchett describes it well. Yes we all have shit to deal with, but those lucky to have a good start in life will generally have more resilience than those who have experienced struggles from day 1.

It's luck. But there's varying degrees of shit I guess. Honestly if you're born in a stable, democratic, developed country, you're already far more privileged than many.

This is very wise. Simply put and I shall use it going forward. Thanks.

No people don’t all get dealt the same hand.

But I also believe that we truly don’t know what struggles people face. I have been blown away by finding things out about people who seem to have had a charmed life.

You can choose to let bad things drag you down or fight against it, it’s all about your attitude. I was born into a hard life, but I chose not to let it drag me down.

I think that by some quirk of fate, you had the internal resources that allowed you to navigate your way out of your shit start.

Perhaps solid enough physical or mental health that meant you could strategise and plan and the stamina to work? I don't know, I obviously don't know you. And I am very glad that you could haul yourself up and out to a good life.

You obviously were able to use your combination of innate talents and personal attributes to make it.

But I'd be very careful about assuming that people "choose to let bad things" happen. I don't think it's that simple at all.

Meant to quote you there!

I started off with that, and then my dad died, I was permanently injured in a separate accident, I was abducted and violently raped, I’ve had multiple late miscarriages and a very high-risk pregnancy where I spend most of my pregnancy as a hospital inpatient.

That seems quite a lot for 35 years? And many people have had all that and more happen to them.

I was just going to say the same. I had no choice that my son would be born with significant ASN and health issues. I remain positive mostly, but you walk away day in my shoes and then sit there and say I'm inviting in shit.