Why do some people have comparatively smooth easy lives, and others the opposite?

[Unbalance]

I mean I think it's down to random luck really, there is no why. But it's just on my mind.

Lots of people seem to believe that we all get dealt roughly a similar amount of shit over a lifetime but I really don't think that's true. Some people seem notably more lucky than others overall?

Do you believe everyone gets an approximately similar slice of shit pie?

Life is a bit of a lottery and can be very unpredictable.
I think good health puts you in good stead.
There will be people who no matter what their circumstances refuse to be beat down, there are others who are significantly luckier with the cards life has dealt them but no happier for it.
Not many of us has perfect parents, an ideaylic childhood, you tend to find people try to do their best with information they have at that time. My Mum put me in danger due to her neglect, l have chosen to forgive her for myself, not for her sake, l refuse to waste my life holding into grudges, " Holding on to a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die ", if you can forgive, you can move on in peace.

I understand where you’re coming from @Luciansmum6 as a fellow repeated trauma sufferer trying to make sense of it all but then I think of my baby who died in pain just after she was born and wasn’t here long enough to grow and learn, or taste ice cream with the sun on her face which I was strangely very upset about at the time.

She certainly can’t have chosen that path (what would be the point?) and if it was a lesson for me, I only learnt that funerals for babies are not charged for (caskets are though and you can get really pretty ones) which wasn’t that great of a life lesson really. I could have googled it!

I also think there tends to be a domino effect. Say you suffer a serious stress (eg tragic bereavement), stress is more likely to lead to poor health, and poor health to unemployment or stalling at work. So one event but it’s resulted in bad luck in 3 areas of your life, if that makes sense. So that person seems ‘very unlucky’ but it’s all stemmed from the same thing

Except @Lndnmummy and @Unbalance only 15% of the world population is white.

This clearly illustrates advantage some people have- sometimes without realising or acknowleding it.

And of course life isnt fair, some people are dealt worse hands than others and bad stuff sometimes happens behind closed doors

A teacher at my DCs prep school said, "Most families have a generally easy time and that's not to say they don't have their problems, but some families just have an awful lot of shit to deal with and, unfortunately, yours is one of those families. And I understand because my family is the same."
As a teacher, I think she said what's what and I know feel that, regardless of anything and everything, regardless of all out effort to make life work or no attempt to change things, it's all just ratshit. Sorry

We don't choose (actively, or unconsciously) all of the significant turns in the road.

Not all, no.

But we all make some choices where the consequences are foreseeable. Some people anticipate those consequences and think again. Others just crack on and are surprised when shit things happen. You are diminishing the importance of personal responsibility and agency to an extent OP.

I should add, ref my earlier post, money and education didn't factor into things. Ex was and is minted and I was the SAHM. Out DC wanted for nothing apart from better health and a better environment, we as a family should have thrived but we didn't. We barely coped

I don't think I'd describe it as luck exactly. Not sure what the word is? But agree the circumstances of our birth inform a huge amount of what we do.
Like, for example, even being born in the U.K is good luck - because lots of illnesses (ill health being a bad luck' that can befall anyone), can be treated that aren't in other countries.

Your children are at prep school. So regardless of any other things going on - money appears to be ok?

Many people would consider you very privileged simply because where your children are educated.

It is up to people's choices a lot of the time there is no magical event that happens

Some of it's luck of the draw.

Some of it's good decisions.

Some of it's hard work.

Usually it's a bit of all three.

Having said that, you don't j ow whether someone is genuinely having a 'smooth ride'. My life is very good, I'm a SAHM to two primary aged children, beautiful home, lovely DH, passive income through investments, holidays, cars etc. My sister died aged 24 and I came into considerable money due to her passing. I'd give it all away and work every day to have her back.

I have a wonderful life now. Truly amazing. Also currently going nc with family and it’s horribly hard. My childhood was horrific. I’ve been a victim of child sexual exploitation. Nice parents. Nice home. Poor boundaries and shame culture from the religion I was raised in.
I’ve had my fair share. More than fair of bad. I’ve also had a lot of good.

If that is true that makes it even more compelling - the fact only 15% of the world population is white and 'white' is the luckiest race in the world!

Think of it as different seasons, I've had some really easy years and then some really toggbit doesn't rain it pours.

Also there are some things like growing up
In poverty that lead to lots of bad things happening

total luck. depends alot on where in the world you are born, is it stable, social/health care availability, social economic situation etc etc etc

I agree with you op.
I know people who haven’t had to work, their parents have supported them through 6th form and university. They haven’t had so much as a Saturday job. They have had driving lessons paid for, a new car bought, deposit for a house, wedding paid for. Then free childcare provided. Also free babysitting so the couple can build their relationship and not have as much strain put upon their marriage.
This makes life so much easier.

Sadly I had two awful parents, an abusive childhood and as a teenager I was treated for, and recovered from, cancer. It doesn't come more textbook awful really!

But I met a wonderful man in my mid 20s and really lived happily ever after since, with no stress, lots of freedom, financially secure. Not that my husband made me happy, no one needs a partner, but after meeting him everything else in my life at that time slotted into place.

I think a lot of it is down to outlook, and personality. Choosing to not hold onto resentment is vital.

I'm naturally very positive, optimistic and easy going, but also with very high boundaries so I only tolerate being treated with respect and kindness. So I have incredible friends and no dramas!

I think that's a bit naive tbh.

Some things you just can't come back from. No amount of attitude will change that.

I think it's so sad to think that - I'd rather believe that no matter how bad things get or what happens to you, there's hope of better days.

Awful things might shape you and change you, but there is still some happiness still to experience, somehow. Without hope, what is there?

This 100%

My parents and childhood were awful. Parents with mental health issues, drink and drugs, violence. Neglect. I didn't have the right books at school. Missed months of school at a time. No way to go to uni because I had to earn.

The reason why I am seemingly lucky compared to others my age is because I made good decisions.
I chose an extremely responsible partner. We poured our money into property instead of travel and gadgets like our friends. We still to this day haven't had an iPad or iPhone.
We waited until we were financially secure to have children.
Instead of relaxing at nights we've studied to improve qualifications.
Still drive old cars, always bought outright.

I will say our good health and the good health of our children has been luck though and am very grateful for that.

Yes, we definitely made our child seriously disabled through arguing and inattention.
What an utterly obtuse (and ungrammatical) post.

🙄 I knew it would not take long.

Yes, so the fact white run countries dominate the world, emphasises the point exactly.