Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So fed up with my child

199 replies

arrghhhh · 20/07/2023 09:58

I know I handled this situation all wrong this morning but I am honestly so fed up. I am a single mum to a 10 year old girl. She goes to her dads once in the week and then every second weekend so I do get breaks.

However, she is an angel for her dad. With me, not so much. She was at her dads last night, I phoned her this morning to see what time she would be home, looking forward to seeing her. The full phone call was just from start to finish moan, moan, moan.

I have been ill with tonsillitis all week so granted, this hasn't been the best week for her, however, she has still made her gymnastics club (4 day of the week) and yesterday my dad took her a day out. Next week I have a day out planned with her and I said since I'm feeling better we will go out a big walk tomorrow.

She said okay to the walk but only if the dogs don't come. I'm like, what? Of course the dogs are coming. Queue 'it's not fairrrr, the dogs alwaysssss come with us'. I said don't be so ridiculous, of course I'm bringing the dogs. It literally makes no difference other than the fact she constantly needs and seeks attention. Also it's a downright lie considering I take her plenty places without the dogs, for instance last week when I took her and her friend to the park - no dogs in tow. It's as if she just finds anything at all to moan about.

She then starts asking what we are doing this afternoon. I said well you have gymnastics and then probably just potter about in house today as I am still not feeling 100 percent. Queue more moaning.

At this point I lost it, I told her she was the most ungrateful child, always miserable, never happy and if my house was so boring then she can stay at her dads for the day and hung up on her.

Definitely didn't deal with this situation well but I am so fed up with her constant negativity. She sucks the life out of me. Even after a full day out with my dad yesterday, she's still miserable, doesn't appreciate it. Shrugs and says the day out 'was fine'. She's only happy when with her friends and I'm just sick of it.

I'm sick of trying to do nice things with her when she appreciates nothing. Whilst I've been I'll she hasn't shown one bit of empathy or compassion, it's all about her and how it affects her and her plans.

OP posts:
Danikm151 · 20/07/2023 10:02

She’s 10 at the onset of puberty. It’s like you’re expecting her to think like an adult.

she’s 10.

Original poster
arrghhhh · 20/07/2023 10:06

Danikm151 · 20/07/2023 10:02

She’s 10 at the onset of puberty. It’s like you’re expecting her to think like an adult.

she’s 10.

Oh she's 10. Okay, that's fine. Will just let her away with being an ungrateful little shit then.

OP posts:
BodenCardiganNot · 20/07/2023 10:07

How long have you been split up with her dad?

Hufflepods · 20/07/2023 10:07

arrghhhh · 20/07/2023 10:06

Oh she's 10. Okay, that's fine. Will just let her away with being an ungrateful little shit then.

Show quote history

Your combative attitude is probably where your daughter gets it from, and is part of the problem with escalating these situations.

vodkaredbullgirl · 20/07/2023 10:09

arrghhhh · 20/07/2023 10:06

Oh she's 10. Okay, that's fine. Will just let her away with being an ungrateful little shit then.

Show quote history

Charming.

Original poster
arrghhhh · 20/07/2023 10:10

BodenCardiganNot · 20/07/2023 10:07

How long have you been split up with her dad?

Since she was a toddler, we get along really well so have support from him and do have family meetings etc.

OP posts:
SBHon · 20/07/2023 10:10

Whilst I've been I'll she hasn't shown one bit of empathy or compassion
OP…. She’s a child. It’s not going to be on her radar.

Keep (gently) pulling her up on things so that she eventually grows into an empathetic adult but don’t expect her to act like one already.

Beamur · 20/07/2023 10:11

She's of an age when kids can become horribly self centred. Don't get annoyed, but keep modelling the kind of behaviour you want to see and respond positively.
It's fine to pull her up if she is moaning but don't do it by moaning back at her...
Has anything changed at her Dad's? She seems a bit needy for your exclusive attention.
It's a sore point but kids are always least well behaved with the person they feel the most secure with. She moans/behaves less well with you because she knows you will still love and support her.

Wozzzzz · 20/07/2023 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

anonymousnotyourbusiness · 20/07/2023 10:13

As you mentoned you get supportand breaks, it seems like she is just acting like a 10 year old girl 🙄

SnarfleThree · 20/07/2023 10:14

I have found recently with my eldest of a similar age that it’s easier not to get into a debate.
”I don’t want the dogs to come on the walk.”
”No, the dogs are coming.”
”Buuuutt….”
”The answer is no.”
change topic

Sometimes they have feelings they can’t quantify so are looking for an argument so I don’t get drawn in.

Iloveanicegarden · 20/07/2023 10:14

Tell me (and I'm not being goady I genuinely want to know), when you conceived did you think ' oh good, I'd love a baby, so cute', or did you consider this would grow into an adult with all the ramifications of that. Growing, developing into an adult with all the trials and tribulations comes with the territory I'm afraid. You've got a few years to go yet before this beautiful person grows into an adult. Recognise there will be difficulties and how you as the adult, deal with them will impact on your daughter's development and resilience.

RebeccaMillet · 20/07/2023 10:16

I understand op, some of these messages are harsh and lacking in understanding. Unfortunately some children can act ungrateful (doesn’t necessarily mean they are, could be pushing boundaries and testing you especially if it’s the onset of puberty) but I would try not to take it personally. I would hold back and stop offering to do stuff and accommodate her. See how she responds

StinkyWizzleteets · 20/07/2023 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DorisElward · 20/07/2023 10:17

I don’t think you are being unreasonable actually, apart from losing your temper. I think you need a conversation with your daughter about how draining the negativity is and why, and what you can both do to improve things.

I also wouldn’t assume she’s an angel with her dad - you don’t see her there so who is telling you that?

Wozzzzz · 20/07/2023 10:17

Going by the other responses on this thread, in the minority for actually dealing with this behaviour and the rest of Mumsnet are happy to let their kids grow into spoiled selfish adults 🙄

Sometimes mn really does feel like stepping into a parallel universe.

AllAboardTootToot · 20/07/2023 10:20

Shes 10, 10! You are moaning about her moaning yet have just moaned she didn’t show you any sympathy when ill.

Why on earth do I waste previous hours of life reading shit like this 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
arrghhhh · 20/07/2023 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Don't be so silly

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/07/2023 10:21

She's only happy when with her friends and I'm just sick of it

I think this is fairly common at 10 years old - the things they enjoyed doing with us when they were younger don't interest them now, and they need a friend along to make any activity enjoyable. It is draining when we would just like them to be content doing something low-key without inviting friends along, but it is normal to be social and value peer relationships at 10.

You are probably feeling crappy after a lousy week, which made you lose your temper. Another time, suggest she invites a friend or arranges to meet up with one - at least she's not glued to a video game like a 10 year old boy would likely be.

vodkaredbullgirl · 20/07/2023 10:22

Wozzzzz · 20/07/2023 10:17

Going by the other responses on this thread, in the minority for actually dealing with this behaviour and the rest of Mumsnet are happy to let their kids grow into spoiled selfish adults 🙄

Sometimes mn really does feel like stepping into a parallel universe.

I've been through it twice, they grew out of it.

BodenCardiganNot · 20/07/2023 10:23

How would you react if she hung up on you?

Original poster
arrghhhh · 20/07/2023 10:26

BodenCardiganNot · 20/07/2023 10:23

How would you react if she hung up on you?

It would depend on the circumstances

OP posts:
Thatboymum · 20/07/2023 10:27

I don’t think she’s got much to be grateful for going by your op, it’s the holidays , it’s hardly fun to go walking with your mum and to gymnastics 4 times a week is it, spend time with her alone and do fun stuff and bond it sounds like she’s desperate for your 1-1 attention and doesn’t get much of it as in her eyes it’s always shared between other people or animals etc. involve her friends do things that make her light up. I’d want to stay at my dads as well if that’s how I was made to feel and you need to apologise for how you handled that and show her you took accountability for it

RaidFlySpray · 20/07/2023 10:27

arrghhhh · 20/07/2023 10:06

Oh she's 10. Okay, that's fine. Will just let her away with being an ungrateful little shit then.

Show quote history

Not shocked by much on here, but this really did shock me. Your daughter sounds like a normal, average 10 year old who sometimes moans, but you sound like you're looking for things to dislike about her. There is no way she doesn't know that you dislike her.

You slammed down the phone on her for daring to moan that she wouldn't be doing much today. That is really, really unreasonable and unkind of you.

Are you okay otherwise? Anything going on that might be affecting you mentally or hormonally?

anonymousnotyourbusiness · 20/07/2023 10:28

RaidFlySpray · 20/07/2023 10:27

Not shocked by much on here, but this really did shock me. Your daughter sounds like a normal, average 10 year old who sometimes moans, but you sound like you're looking for things to dislike about her. There is no way she doesn't know that you dislike her.

You slammed down the phone on her for daring to moan that she wouldn't be doing much today. That is really, really unreasonable and unkind of you.

Are you okay otherwise? Anything going on that might be affecting you mentally or hormonally?

Show quote history

This