AIBU end of term present

[Bunny93]

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

I'd probably just re-gift, wouldn't want to ask them for the receipt to return it, just seems a bit off to me.

I think you should take the organising pare t to one side, thank her profusely but explain that while it was very kind and generous you are allergic to lots of the contents so you'd like to exchange as you don't want to waste it. If I'd donated towards this I wouldn't want to think the only benefit was a small jar of jam!!

I'd ask for the receipt and explain exactly what you've said here. The class obviously think a lot of you and I'm sure everyone who has contributed to this gift would want you to have something you really wanted. If I was one of the parents I'd completely understand. It's a complete waste if the items are of no use to you.

I was just going to say the same.

I don’t drink and when given expensive champagne etc I just thank the giver and donate it to someone else.

Whilst I see your logic, I would just accept the kindness and give away the rest.

As a teacher I would say thank you accept the gift and do nothing more. I really don’t think it’s appropriate to ask for a receipt. You could take it to the shop to ask for an exchange but I would never ask parents. Gifts aren’t expected and we can’t use that to supplement our wages even though times are hard.

This is why I have never given to group presents for teachers. I think hand written notes and a drawing from the child are much more appreciated. The organisers just do it for the glory 🙄

I think this is spot on, definitely don't ask for a receipt and accept the gift and say no more. You could sell or register but I really wouldn't ask for a receipt to return.

I think if it’s m and s branded, in date and still sealed, it’s worth going in to m and s and asking if you can exchange it. I doubt they’ll give cash but you might get m and s vouchers which you could spend on a treat or (expensive) food if that’s what you really need. Either that or keep and regift to someone.

I don’t think you can ask the parents for the receipt. Unless the organiser specifically asks if you liked the gift in which case I might feel comfortable saying ‘it was such a thoughtful gift and I’m so grateful, unfortunately I’m allergic to a couple of the items…’ and see what they say.

Did they know about your nut allergy? If so, this makes me really angry.

Either way, you shouldn't miss out and there's nothing wrong with approaching the mum and saying you're very grateful but can't accept the hamper due to your allergies and is it possible it could he exchanged?

It's possible the person buying it had staff discount or vouchers and it may cause friction and rumours of you ask for the receipt no matter how reasonable you sound.

Regift or donate to a charity if they take alcohol.

Giving alcohol to someone you don't know is always a bit naff as you don't know is they drink or not so it's a bit of a thoughtless gift.

A half bottle of wine?

Surely this is a regifted item?

I bet the other parents would be horrified to learn that the organiser has collected their money and given you one of their unwanted present.

I'd speak to the person who got it and say thank you so much but I'm allergic to everything but the jam and ask them if they know anyone it can be donated to.....that way its on the organiser to either offer an exchange at the shop and then that promotes a different conversation but from her not you. If she offers nothing then so be it.

I would be honest and tell the gift organiser your reasons.
Religious reasons and allergies are important details for a gift like this.
If I was the gift giver I would want to know.

This. £75 for what the OP has described doesn’t add up.

Some hampers contain 37.5cl bottles of wine, which is half a normal bottle. I don't think OP means it's half-drunk!

We just gave vouchers. No parent organised this "for the glory".

I'd consider doing this, or if I had an occasion coming up that I needed a gift for and it would fit the bill, I'd just regift it. It's still saving you money down the line that way.

https://www.marksandspencer.com/with-love-hamper-with-champagne/p/hpp60605431#intid=pid_pg1pip8g4r2c1

Took about two seconds.

OP, that really sucks, but unless you know the parent who bought it well I wouldn't raise it, it's not worth upsetting someone. (And also if you know they won't gossip about it and paint you as ungrateful on the class WhatsApp group!)

Ask around the staff room if anyone else got something they don't like and would like to swap?

I understand it's a shame OP, but please PLEASE don't approach the parent who arranged this. It could very likely back fire and cause some tension or ill feeling.

The present was kindly meant, take it as that and think about how it shows that you're appreciated.

You can always keep the items you can't use, and regift them to family & friends when it's a birthday or celebration? That will save you some money that way.

But again, please don't speak to the parents...in the school's I've worked in, SLT would take quite a dim view of it.

To those of you saying OP is exaggerating the contents, it must be this hamper. As a fellow nut allergy sufferer I would be heartbroken to receive this too. Normally with hampers there’s maybe 1 thing I can’t eat but this is a total nut feast! I don’t think I’d say anything to the gifter though.

M&S are normally good with exchanges, I would take it to my local store, unopened and explain.

Oh gosh I thought she meant half a bottle as in half empty, rather than a smaller bottle. That makes a lot more sense

I still stand by the fact the other parents would be horrified to learn that the Op was gifted the hamper, it really is a huge waste of money. (but at least it's not a regifted item)

I would probably just move on, unfortunately.

Sorry you’re in such a desperate financial situation OP. If you need food, speak to your head teacher, there are vouchers and schemes to help you.

Of course they wouldn’t have known about a nut allergy- otherwise they wouldn’t have chosen nuts.

@Bunny93 It would be very ungrateful to ask for a receipt- I’d try taking to M&S and see if they could swap for something else.

Hampers rarely have stuff in one actually likes or uses in my experience.
I don’t drink either, so donate alcohol that I have been given in past.

Oh god for a second I thought this was going to be the one I’ve given to my sons teachers 😳. But the one I bought had soapy items in rather than all booze, but I figured their teachers would either be ok or could simply give that aspect away. I always feel a bit on edge gifting anything with alcohol just incase for this reason. If they didn’t know you had a nut allergy it can’t really be helped, but alcohol + possible quite common allergy, I think there were better options to choose from.

Personally I’d probably just leave it be but you can always ask at M and S if there’s anything they can do. Noting to myself to never buy a nuts gift hamper in future…