AIBU end of term present

[Bunny93]

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

I’d absolutely want to know if I’d organised a useless present and would be horrified, not offended at all. £75 and all you get is jam? Awful and I’d want to avoid doing it again each year!

If you feel you can’t approach the parent, could you risk donating it to the school fundraising efforts as a tombola item for whatever school jamboree is coming up? Obviously the present-organising parent may see it but they may not! They may question it and it gives you an “in” to saying why it was unsuitable.

Still leaves you with only £61 till pay which is shit but not resolved by a gift set, really.

@Bunny93 ... can you sell it on ebay.. collection only?

It is a gift, accept graciously, appreciate the thought, re-gift/sell/donate and move on.

I wouldn't ask for a receipt to exchange in these, or similar, circumstances.

I find it amazing that parents would club together for such a generous amount and not make enquiries as to the suitability of the gift

This.

the parents tried to do something nice, but it’s just so wasteful. And donating it might be nice, but the parents who contributed obviously didn’t make their contribution thinking that OP would simply get to donate the hamper…

It might be worth writing to the manager of the M&S store, explaining the circumstances, including the awkwardness of asking for a receipt for a group gift. Whoever works on the returns desk will obviously just have to follow policy, but the manager might have a bit more discretion to break the rules.

This could easily be resolved by having a gift receipt (can you get them with gift hampers?).

The allergy, they’re not to know about it so I’d regift this but the wine if they knew you were eg Muslim and didn’t drink (I’ve known more liberal Muslims who do drink though) is a bit thoughtless.

Your bank balance is nothing to do with this.

I’d be tempted to speak to head/SLT to see if this can be used as a raffle item at a fete.

I would have expected M&S to swap it for vouchers which you then spend at the M&S food hall

But it’s a quick gift where they assume the recipient will like the items. A bit thoughtless but they’re buying a gift presumably from the whole class.

Seeing as most teachers aren’t really supposed to accept valuable gifts then a few parents probably thought this was the safest option. Teachers are so busy too and unless she’d mentioned she can’t drink alcohol or is allergic to eg nuts then how are parents meant to find out? It could be considered a personal question.

A gift that you like or is useful is a bonus and a gift that you don’t like or isn’t useful is just one of those things to move on from. You do t get to choose what the gift is.

You just need to say thank you and be gracious about it. The gift might have had little thought out i to it or simply be a misjudgment….it doesn’t matter…as the recipient you are gracious and say a warm thank you.

You can then re-gift or sell if you want to.

Please dont approach the parents. It seems petty and ungrateful and won’t just appear like this to one parent, but the group who bought it for you. You weren’t relying on £75 of food from parents for your budgeting, and although getting a gift voucher might have been more useful, you don’t get to choose what people give you.

Rememebr to all the threads on MN and angst around gift giving. If you start asking for gift receipts, you fuel the difficulties parents have and awkward feelings about gift giving. Just smile and say thank you and move on. Gifts are often not what we’d like. They are what the giver chose and it is their prerogative to give anything they like.

Would M&S give you gift vouchers as they won't refund without a receipt?

If the parent who organises the gift is approachable, I would definitely have a quiet word and ask if there is possibly a receipt but stress that there was no problem if not and to please don't think you are ungrateful.

Having done many teacher collections over the years, I would not be offended in any way by this! However, I tended to have a conversation with the teachers first to ask what shops they favoured and anything to avoid if they were to 'hypothetically' receive a gift

Can't you just swap some of the contents with unwanted gifts other teaches have got?

Those saying they would want to know if they’ve given an unappreciated gift and be keen to swap it etc, need to rememebr that this is a group gift and not just from one individual.

By raising the issue with one parent,chances are, all who contributed will hear. If there is even the smallest chance that just one will feel the request is petty or ungrateful or inappropriate, it is a good reason not to make the request.

OP, if you do t want these goods, see it as an opportunity it’s to benefit someone else. Gift them to a friend or a charity. You can have the pleasure of knowing it’s benefitted someone else. The gift doesn’t have to be of practical benefit to you.

What about if it was something else you don’t like - candles? Chocolates? Would you be asking for a gift receipt or alternative then? No. We all receive gifts we don’t especially like sometimes. We should just accept graciously.

For people complaining about the cost of the items, this is usually quite clearly stated on the details of the hamper.

Yes, we all know most hampers are full of stuff we don’t usually eat or niche items but the vendors presumably source these items as they’re popular.

This is why if I’m doing a hamper then I source the items myself and the basket so at least I know what’s going in it.

I do think there should be an option from the school after discussion with headteacher, SLT, PTA in general that if gift vouchers/card is given then it’s acceptable to do this and acceptable for the recipient to receive it. Maybe list this on a gift register. Then this solves this issue. A bit impersonal maybe but then people like OP can spend it how they like.

So tricky. In your shoes I would feel awkward, but if I'd done the buying, I'd really want to know and help you swap it.

I agree to message M&S or try a different store.

Otherwise sell it. You'll probably get £50 for it.

This is a good reminder of why gifts should always come with a gift receipt attached as standard.

I think the best you can do is sell it on marketplace for £30-50.

Yep. And boring as they seem, why vouchers are a good idea.

Hampers are explicitly excluded in their returns policy so the receipt won't help.

If you do mention it to SLT or parents OP then for gods sake don’t bring how broke you are into it and accept whatever they say or M&S says.

You sound like a fairly new teacher so at least you’ll know the score re this and so will parents for next term.

These are a class who will be moving on so you don't have to deal with their parents again re: gifts. I think you should speak to the person who organised it and say the exact reason you can't make use of it and ask them if you could exchange it for a hamper with out nuts and alcohol or vouchers so you can but food without nuts and alcohol
You have nothing to lose - those parents donated money to get you a gift you wanted!!

Please call your local m and s store and ask if they would consider swapping for vouchers. The people who work there are wonderful and understanding of allergies - I have had similar issues and they have had no issue as it is unopened and sealed.

M&S will let you swap it. Explain teacher gift, allergies, religious reasons. Take your teacher lanyard if you need to!

I think it all feels worse because it’s food you can’t eat and are thinking of everything you could have chosen instead.
It really does smack of busy mum needing to order something online and has plumped for easy option. She could just have easily have got an expensive candle it’s that type of gift.