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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU end of term present

561 replies

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 08:57

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

OP posts:
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5
modgepodge · 25/07/2023 13:10

are nurses not allowed to accept presents?

my daughter was on 2 wards recently and I popped back a few weeks later with a big box of chocolates for the staff to share. Both times i handed it over to someone with a card and a quick explanation and no one said they weren’t allowed to accept them. Would they just have been binned?

Jumbojade · 25/07/2023 13:32

JenniferBarkley · 25/07/2023 10:43

If any nurse was spending six hours a day, five days a week, nine months a year with my DC, I'd definitely be getting them a present!

My local NHS trust is actually very strict and staff can not accept any gift voucher or monetary gift at all. If any member of staff was found to accept such a gift, she would face a disciplinary and could lose her job.

Jumbojade · 25/07/2023 13:54

Oobidequatzen · 20/07/2023 22:03

“for the glory”?? Really? How much glory do you think comes with having to keep reminding parents to give to the teacher collection. Hardly shrouded in glory 🤣

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@pleasehelpwi3 This was one of the earlier posts that really annoyed me and I commented on. Note the -

”How much glory do you think comes with having to keep reminding parents to give to the teacher collection”!

It’s not so easy to just say no, to someone who thinks that everyone must give to the collection and keeps badgering reminding those who haven’t.

pleasehelpwi3 · 25/07/2023 15:58

Jumbojade · 25/07/2023 13:54

@pleasehelpwi3 This was one of the earlier posts that really annoyed me and I commented on. Note the -

”How much glory do you think comes with having to keep reminding parents to give to the teacher collection”!

It’s not so easy to just say no, to someone who thinks that everyone must give to the collection and keeps badgering reminding those who haven’t.

Show quote history

I can imagine for people who really can't say no that could be annoying.
I think in that case the reply is 'We've already got the teacher a present but thanks for organising this for people who haven't." And then don't get the teacher a present if they can't don't want to.

notamilf · 07/08/2023 07:52

Just wanted to check you've recovered from this traumatic gift experience OP? Maybe you could use your 6 weeks off to make a list of suitable gifts.

Iwasafool · 07/08/2023 08:39

notamilf · 07/08/2023 07:52

Just wanted to check you've recovered from this traumatic gift experience OP? Maybe you could use your 6 weeks off to make a list of suitable gifts.

What a nasty post. What was the point of it?

notamilf · 07/08/2023 08:49

Iwasafool · 07/08/2023 08:39

What a nasty post. What was the point of it?

Show quote history

How was it a nasty post?

Iwasafool · 07/08/2023 09:04

notamilf · 07/08/2023 08:49

How was it a nasty post?

Show quote history

Because a woman comes on who has financial problems and wishes that if parents had gone to the trouble and expense of getting her a present it could have been something that helped her and your response is a sarcastic comment about trauma.

Disingenuous to pretend it wasn't intended to be nasty.

notamilf · 07/08/2023 09:41

Iwasafool · 07/08/2023 09:04

Because a woman comes on who has financial problems and wishes that if parents had gone to the trouble and expense of getting her a present it could have been something that helped her and your response is a sarcastic comment about trauma.

Disingenuous to pretend it wasn't intended to be nasty.

Show quote history

I was trying to be helpful not nasty. Next year she should write a list of things she needs and hand it out to parents

1HappyTraveller · 14/08/2023 10:04

Jumbojade · 24/07/2023 17:14

Really. How do you know I’ve not been in this situation? I’m pretty sure I’m surviving on less income than the OP. I really don’t need to give my head a wobble. 🤣🤣

I think the gift the OP was given was pretty stupid. Whoever though that it was a good idea is the one who needs to give their head a wobble!

I do feel really sorry for those struggling to manage on their income, but the main point I’m making is that I think it is unreasonable for the OP to expect a significant gift voucher, for doing her job. What other profession, expects to gain a bonus like this? If you work for the NHS or as a Carer (all those people, who put their lives on the line during Covid), you are not allowed to accept gifts like this. If you do, you will be given a disciplinary and possibly lose your job! Sorry, but I do not see teachers any more deserving than they are, especially Carers (most of whom are on minimum wage, which is ridiculously low).

A newly qualified teacher earns more than a newly qualified Nurse and £7-8k more a year than a Carer on 40 hours a week (with far less holidays and poorer sickness, maternity benefits etc.), which obviously increases the longer she works.

So (genuinely) tell me, are Teachers really so much more deserving than Nurses, Nursing Assistants, Paramedics, Care Assistants etc.?

Show quote history

You said it was awful that she even consider asking for the receipt. I fail to see why this is ‘awful’? This is my main point.

Comparing teachers to healthcare workers isn’t helping your argument. It isn’t a race to the bottom. It’s a shame that healthcare workers aren’t able to accept certain gifts. That’s not the fault of teachers.

Hameth · 27/01/2024 16:11

This is totally right

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