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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU end of term present

561 replies

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 08:57

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

OP posts:
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PIeaseCreateAUsername · 20/07/2023 10:40

I'd have offered to buy it OP, but I'm looking at the products in it and I think I'd only use the Champagne and possibly the jam so I couldn't even bring myself to offer to buy it, it would also be a waste for me.

username098765 · 20/07/2023 10:41

I would just thank them and re gift. No way would I ask for the receipt.

Iwasafool · 20/07/2023 10:44

JenniferBarkley · 20/07/2023 09:38

OP has already said she tried to return it without the receipt but was refused.

Although OP, I'd be tempted to try a different branch and lean heavily on the allergy aspect!

I agree. I once had flowers in a fancy vase delivered from M&S for Mothers Day. The vase was broken. I kept being told that I couldn't sort out a replacement as I wasn't the purchaser. I kept saying that my child was a student nurse, it was an expensive present for them and I wasn't prepared to tell them it wasn't perfect, in fact I'd already thanked them and said it was lovely. Eventually they did sort it out and I got new flowers with an intact vase. Computer might say no but if you get the right person a sensible outcome can happen.

DMLady · 20/07/2023 10:46

Could you go back to M&S, OP? I know you’ve tried once but perhaps if you get a different person, they might give you a credit note/vouchers? If you explain what you’ve said here, they might take pity on you…?

Maddy70 · 20/07/2023 10:49

That would be an incredibly rude thing to do. And also you cannot return food gifts

Regift it. Save the no ey you would have spent on the present

Triflenot · 20/07/2023 10:49

I agree with other posters, and would try a different branch of M& S for an exchange for vouchers.

PrimalOwl10 · 20/07/2023 10:49

The worlds gone mad with teacher collections especially in a cost of living crisis. We bought ds and dd a token gift no more than 5 pounds each and the same for the Tas, it still cost 25 pounds, thankgod older ds is in senior school where you dont do them. I think it would be grabby to ask for the receipt. I'm sorry your in a bad situation. However some of those parents might have equally been under pressure to contribute to a teacher gift that's without considering TAs aswell and if they have mutilple children.

Unicorn2022 · 20/07/2023 10:49

OP you could try to sell it on FB marketplace. Set up a FB account in a fake name first. It's such a shame they didn't give you the vouchers instead as that is one of the worst hampers, although they meant well.

LumpyPumpkin · 20/07/2023 10:52

It's unfortunate but I don't think it would be appropriate to ask for the receipt. It's unlikely they still have it anyway.

If I was you I would re-gift to someone else you know who may enjoy the contents or donate it somewhere.

Ultraviolet85 · 20/07/2023 10:52

Sorry op but I think asking the parents who’s organised this as a gift, for the receipt so you can return it will go down like a lead balloon. I know I would be miffed. Just regift items you can’t use and take this one on the chin. You say you are struggling for money but if they’d all individually got you a box of chocolates or bunch of flowers you wouldn’t go back to the shop and return them would you?

CarpetDiem · 20/07/2023 10:53

Re-gift it.
it’s the thought that counts as they say so be thankful they made an effort.
I’ve never been a fan of buying teachers gifts for the reasons you gave- money wasted.

LuvSmallDogs · 20/07/2023 10:54

You'd think that the organiser would try to scope out alcohol/food requirements first - back in the day my dad wanted to give a teacher a really nice bottle of wine due to how helpful he'd been, and went to another member of staff to "check he's not in AA or something"! 🤣

I am gutted for you OP, £75 is a lot for those items anyway, to not even get the feeling of treating yourself while you've got £60 to last 3 weeks...

Tenegrief · 20/07/2023 10:54

I know this is slightly off-topic but this thread has just reminded me of the rage I feel about the cost of ready-made hampers... They're scandalously over-priced. We received one recently which was full of the kind of over-priced posh snacks and condiments you find in Waitrose. We totted it all up and it came to about £35 worth of stuff... The hamper was £125! The OP's hamper, as well as being entirely unsuitable for her, is a fucking RIP OFF. I hope I never receive another one, and I will never buy one for someone else.

Wheresthebeach · 20/07/2023 10:54

I'd check with M&S and see what they can do. They may well be happy to exchange. If not, then have a word explaining the allergies. I'm sure they want you to have something you can enjoy!

Then get someone to have a word with parent organisers about vouchers going forward. Its what we did for years - much more popular, and easy, than trying to figure out an appropriate gift.

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/07/2023 10:55

Maddy70 · Today 10:49
That would be an incredibly rude thing to do. And also you cannot return food gifts

Regift it. Save the no ey you would have spent on the present”

Buying a food gift for someone you don’t know well without checking for allergies first is a rude thing to do.

towriteyoumustlive · 20/07/2023 10:59

Why don't you speak to the parent that organised it, explain the issue (the nut allergy bit), ask them to auction off the hamper and whatever they raise can be donated to the school charity?

That way the money gets put to good use and you'll look like a good sport rather than ungrateful.

PrimalOwl10 · 20/07/2023 10:59

Don't know your schools policy but ours are not allowed go accept money and gifts to a certain value need to be declared. The same at my work I'm a swimming teacher we profited from accepting cash gifts.

FairAcre · 20/07/2023 11:01

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 10:02

Thank you everyone for giving me your opinions.

I don't think I will ask the parent for a receipt. They might be fine with me asking but they also may think I'm ungrateful and I really don't want that, so best not to risk it.

It just makes me want to burst in to tears knowing I have £61 in my account to last for 3 weeks and I have a jar of jam worth £75!

I am going to see if a charity shop will want the hamper with alcohol, I'm not sure if they accept it or not? I asked around to see if a few friends/colleagues wanted it they all said they don't really like the things inside so wouldn't make much use of it either.

I am sure there are church fetes going on at the moment who would be thrilled with this as a raffle present.

viques · 20/07/2023 11:03

Shoes232 · 20/07/2023 09:10

As a teacher I would say thank you accept the gift and do nothing more. I really don’t think it’s appropriate to ask for a receipt. You could take it to the shop to ask for an exchange but I would never ask parents. Gifts aren’t expected and we can’t use that to supplement our wages even though times are hard.

This. It is one of those occasions where the thought behind the gift really is the thing that counts. Enjoy the jam, regift the other items and spread the kind thought around among your friends and family. Then have a wonderful summer.

MummyLaLa88 · 20/07/2023 11:05

OP, it was a gift - PLEASE just move on. If you are asked how you like it, then you will have the opportunity to explain the allergies etc.

luckylavender · 20/07/2023 11:06

Whinge · 20/07/2023 09:21

A half bottle of wine?

Surely this is a regifted item?

I bet the other parents would be horrified to learn that the organiser has collected their money and given you one of their unwanted present. Shock

You can get half bottles of wine

lavagal · 20/07/2023 11:09

If I had any idea my child's teacher was struggling / rather have the vouchers to buy other things I'd happily provide receipt to swap

It will be a slightly awkward conversation with the parent but I'd like to think they would understand

ChicoryDip · 20/07/2023 11:12

sunnydayhereandnow · 20/07/2023 10:22

Normally I'd say ask for a receipt, but M&S food gifts can't be returned under their returns policy. I'd try their head office, but realistically, this may be one of those unfortunate situations where there's not really anything you can do about it.

This unfortunately. Hampers are under their exclusions policy on the website unless there's something wrong with it.

carduelis · 20/07/2023 11:12

fuckthisprivilage · 20/07/2023 10:11

As a parent, I would absolutely want to you have the receipt so you could choose something that works for you, and wouldn't consider it ungrateful in the least.

In fact I think it is bloody odd that the feelings of the organiser (who won't be in the least bit offended, if they are a reasonable person) should be more important than yours, when the whole bloody point of said gift is to show appreciation to you.

It's not like you're asking for the receipt because it isn't to your taste - it's practically unusable for you!

Completely agree with this. Bit shocked people are calling the OP ungrateful for not wanting a gift they are literally allergic to!

Someone mentioned SLT taking a dim view of contacting parents. OP, I wonder whether you could approach your head about this and ask them to intervene on your behalf? Presumably if you’re allergic to nuts then the school is nut-free - could your head use this as an opportunity to remind parents about this?

DeoForty · 20/07/2023 11:13

You'll know someone who will appreciate the items, I would pass them on. Use the wicker hamper and enjoy the jam. It's hugely inappropriate to ask for a receipt for a gift unless it's a very close family relationship. It's a lovely gift. They clearly think a lot of you.