Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU end of term present

561 replies

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 08:57

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Smittenkitchen · 20/07/2023 11:16

I don't think it would be a problem or they'd be offended, as long as they do still have the receipt! If they don't it could be awkward if you've explained you can't use almost any of it, but they'd know for next time!

Dixiechickonhols · 20/07/2023 11:18

I wouldn’t say anything to parent it’s obviously been a well intended but quick purchase.
I’d contact M & S by email/phone and explain allergy and ask if can swap it for vouchers.
The no money isn’t linked to present.
Can you look for a job for 6 weeks you are off. Babysitting going rate is £10 a hour around here cash/bank transfer. Local Facebook often good for jobs.

GrinAndVomit · 20/07/2023 11:19

Sell the hamper on Vinted. Offer it for £40

Pocketfullofmoonshine · 20/07/2023 11:23

I don’t think you can return food @Bunny93

SausageinaBun · 20/07/2023 11:25

Would parents really prefer a teacher to get a £75 jar of jam as their gift in order to avoid the awkwardness of asking for a gift receipt? I'd be gutted to have contributed at a teacher gift, only for them to get virtually nothing.

38andtrying · 20/07/2023 11:25

@Bunny93 sell it on, facebook, vinted whatever and get a few quid for it.

ClaireEclair · 20/07/2023 11:27

I would let them know that you are really grateful for the kind present but you are allergic to nuts and don’t drink. I would be upset if a gift I gave could not be used.

or as someone said, explain the situation to M&S and they will probably give you vouchers.

JenWillsiam · 20/07/2023 11:27

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 10:02

Thank you everyone for giving me your opinions.

I don't think I will ask the parent for a receipt. They might be fine with me asking but they also may think I'm ungrateful and I really don't want that, so best not to risk it.

It just makes me want to burst in to tears knowing I have £61 in my account to last for 3 weeks and I have a jar of jam worth £75!

I am going to see if a charity shop will want the hamper with alcohol, I'm not sure if they accept it or not? I asked around to see if a few friends/colleagues wanted it they all said they don't really like the things inside so wouldn't make much use of it either.

I’ve said YABU because you aren’t going to be able to return it anyway. But it is a really crap present. They didn’t think it through at all.

JenWillsiam · 20/07/2023 11:28

Actually, you know what, tell them so they don’t do this every year to each teacher!

ClaireEclair · 20/07/2023 11:30

Maddy70 · 20/07/2023 10:49

That would be an incredibly rude thing to do. And also you cannot return food gifts

Regift it. Save the no ey you would have spent on the present

It would not be incredibly rude! What if the parents keep gifting her food with nuts in it and alcohol? It’s better that they know. When I give a gift I like to know that it’s either useful or wanted. This hamper is neither, as lovely as it is and a waste of money for everyone.

BarryStyles · 20/07/2023 11:33

This is part of the problem I have with end of term presents. Most parents in the playground will earn less than teachers (I certainly do) and they've chipped in for a jar of jam, which has caused more trouble than it's worth. Parents rarely only have one teacher gift to think of (teaching and classroom assistants, the teacher who runs netball club in her spare time, after school club helpers etc) and adults know what they like and it's hard to get right with the best will in the world, as here. A handwritten card from the child is enough - one more year and both of mine are in secondary where this doesn't happen thank goodness!

ThrappleApple · 20/07/2023 11:33

I wouldn't ask for the receipt, but I would possibly ask about regifting or something to highlight it wasn't suitable, just to avoid this situation coming up again.

As a coeliac, the idea that any present is a kind gesture no matter how useless/thoughtless does my head in.

ReviewingTheSituation · 20/07/2023 11:34

I think the receipt thing is probably a red herring, as you can't return food items anyway. And for all the people saying 'take it to M&S anyway' - read the OP, as she's already done that, and they said no.

It's a shame that you can't use/eat any of the things in the hamper but you will know other people who can. So think of it as a money-saving exercise and use those things as gifts (in instances when you would have otherwise had to spend money). Don't gift it to a charity shop if you can get some use from it yourself, which you can, even if it wasn't the original use intended.

DuchessOfSausage · 20/07/2023 11:39

I'd have a quiet word with the organising parent. It's a generous and thoughtful gift but not one you can enjoy. If you don't, you'll probably get something nutty next year

M103 · 20/07/2023 11:41

I'm a parent. I wouldn't mind if you asked me for the receipt in this case. Allergies and religion are important reasons. I would want you to have something you can use.

Mouselemur · 20/07/2023 11:41

Sell it on eBay or marketplace. You might not get full price but it would definitely sell it.

I wouldn’t ask for the receipt, it comes across as ungrateful. It’s frustrating that you can’t eat the items, but you’re no worse off than not having a gift at all. Please remember a lot of the families will also be struggling financially and made sacrifices to contribute towards a gift.
You’re clearly well thought of and appreciated by the parents and children, enjoy your summer break knowing you’ve done a good job, and made a difference.

Hardbackwriter · 20/07/2023 11:42

M103 · 20/07/2023 11:41

I'm a parent. I wouldn't mind if you asked me for the receipt in this case. Allergies and religion are important reasons. I would want you to have something you can use.

Would you necessarily have the receipt? I'm not sure I would if I'd bought a hamper for someone - it isn't a gift like clothes or something where I'd be sure to keep it.

JenWillsiam · 20/07/2023 11:45

Plumbear2 · 20/07/2023 09:11

This is why I have never given to group presents for teachers. I think hand written notes and a drawing from the child are much more appreciated. The organisers just do it for the glory 🙄

Well that’s super negative. I’ve got two kids in primary and in addition to kids all being encouraged to make gifts we recognise that teachers are underpaid for what they do. So we do a collection and get gift card for stores that are generic. And it’s never about glory for the organiser because (a) we take it in turns, 2/3 per year which means by the end of the schooling journey most have been involved and (b) it’s left in the school office by a child to be given in. Sometimes child of an organiser, sometimes a child who’s going in that way so is asked to nab. It might be your mindset but don’t assume that’s the case for all.

drpet49 · 20/07/2023 11:45

SausageinaBun · 20/07/2023 11:25

Would parents really prefer a teacher to get a £75 jar of jam as their gift in order to avoid the awkwardness of asking for a gift receipt? I'd be gutted to have contributed at a teacher gift, only for them to get virtually nothing.

Me too. It was a shit, thoughtless gift in the first place. Who on earth thought that would be £75 well spent

evtheria · 20/07/2023 11:47

I'm so sorry the parents thought they were giving you something high-quality and nice and it's turned out to be totally inappropriate! I'd be angry as a donating parent to find out this happened, especially considering you have a nut allergy! Unless it's known you are Muslim, the alcohol thing is very hit and miss... I don't tend to buy anyone wine unless I've know for a fact they drink.

Anyway. I have to agree that as a recipient I couldn't 'give it back'. It may be worth posting on local marketplace to see if anyone wants to buy it for £50 or something, as it's totally unsuitable for you. Though you risk parents seeing the post, they might have wanted to know the organiser cocked up. Otherwise... lots of local raffles and tombolas would love this donation.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 20/07/2023 11:50

Definitely try to exchange it at M&S. if it’s completely as new then you should get credit which you could use for food….. basic stuff in M&S is act pretty good value of yellow sticker stuff for the freezer.

ActDottie · 20/07/2023 11:51

Just regift the items you don’t use.

ActDottie · 20/07/2023 11:52

Shoes232 · 20/07/2023 09:10

As a teacher I would say thank you accept the gift and do nothing more. I really don’t think it’s appropriate to ask for a receipt. You could take it to the shop to ask for an exchange but I would never ask parents. Gifts aren’t expected and we can’t use that to supplement our wages even though times are hard.

This! Explained very well.

JenWillsiam · 20/07/2023 11:52

Ooooh donate it to the PTA! This is a clear statement no use to you and you’re giving back.

BungleandGeorge · 20/07/2023 11:56

Can you separate the items and give as gifts to
others A box of chocs will last ages. Tricky with the alcohol but surely one of your colleagues would take that! Or stick it on eBay. Failing that food bank. Or give it to a charity who can raffle it off. Lots of the smaller ones do this. It’s not an item bought in M&S it’s a special order delivery item so you won’t be able to exchange in the normal way