AIBU end of term present

[Bunny93]

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

*give

Of course you’re not being unreasonable! You’re working hard to care for and educate their kids on a wage that isn’t keeping up with inflation. If I had given you the gift I’d be relieved you told me if you explained it just like the post.

As I said before it's short sighted of people to gift alcohol without checking to see if recipient actually drinks alcohol. It's this arrogant belief that all people must drink alcohol & you're wierd if you don't.

Very good point. Alcohol is a known poison, albeit a very popular one, but you'd still think that people would bear in mind that some people might not wish to imbibe personally, for a number of reasons.

You wouldn't give a pipe, box of cigars or 200 B&H to somebody without being certain that they were a smoker, would you?!

sell it on ebay or facebook market place - offer the £75 hamper for £50 to see if you get any takers.

Do you have any weddings coming up you need to buy a gift for? or somebody's significant birthday / anniversary ? Will they last till christmas? donate it to a charity raffle?

Otherwise regift the individual items you can't use, or serve them to your own guests (assuming you can open a packet of food containing nuts without setting off your allergy).

As I said before it's short sighted of people to gift alcohol without checking to see if recipient actually drinks alcohol. It's this arrogant belief that all people must drink alcohol & you're wierd if you don't.

Or to give flowers without checking if they are allergic to pollen, or a plant without checking if they they kill them at regular intervals and find it upsetting, or a book without checking if they are dyslexic and find it tiring to read, or a box of chocolates and they're on a diet or type 2 diabetic etc etc etc. There is no gift that literally everyone likes or will use.

Gifts like a bottle of champagne aren't given to say "here is a bottle of champagne, please drink it". It's more like "I appreciate that thing you did for me, here is a physical token to acknowledge my appreciation". It's just very unlucky in OP's case that everything in the hamper is unusable. It's not a rude or thoughtless gift (and I don't think OP thinks it is either), it's just a really unfortunate situation.

Surely you weren't relying on an end of term present to feed your family? It's just a small token of their appreciation, the parents aren't obligated to get you anything at all. Sometimes gifts, for whatever reason, miss the mark a bit. Just re-gift or stick it on Vinted.

N0! No , please do not ask to exchange this. Donate it to charity/ raffle prize/family member.
I am a teacher and cannot ever imagine contacting a parent to say, this gift is not suitable. Can I change it for another?
These are not you family or friends .

@XiCi I wouldn’t say a gift worth £75 is a “small token” - £75 is a LOT of money.

It's 2 or 3 quid thrown in by the parents to buy the teacher a token of their appreciation. That's it. Some people would have loved the present. OP unfortunately didn't. No big deal. Just regift/sell/give the food away or to a food bank.

@XiCi it’s not that the OP didn’t “love” the gift - she is ALLERGIC to most of it.
I would be really sad if I had donated to a gift and it was completely inappropriate for the person - whether I donated 50p, £5 or £50.
This thread is ironic considering the amount of “I only got crap tat gifts” posts we will have on Boxing Day.

Unfortunately that's irrelevant now. It would have been too much hassle and stress to ask for the receipt- it could have been a really simple conversation, or it could have created a lot of ill will.

@pleasehelpwi3 that’s true it’s irrelevant now. The school year had finished. What’s done (gift wise) is done.
Whatever the etiquette I still think the OP has the right to be a bit disappointed.
I would be too tbh - there’s 100s of other things worth £75 that I would love compared to a hamper.
Except for vouchers that can be spent pretty much anywhere (ie Amazon etc) no one should ever spend more than a fiver on a “I hope they like this” gift. Because the vast majority of the time - it’s a waste of time and money.

Tough one as if a group has tried to give you a gift, then that's already taken then effort and kindness where none is required.

@Jumbojade it's not that op doesn't like it. She's ALLERGIC to the stuff in the hamper

Eating them is likely to kill her via nuts

Do you not get paid this week or next?

Even if you had a receipt, most places won't accept it back for health and safety reasons as anything that's food or drink and medicine etc has to be disposed of. It's never resold to another customer.

Really. How do you know I’ve not been in this situation? I’m pretty sure I’m surviving on less income than the OP. I really don’t need to give my head a wobble. 🤣🤣

I think the gift the OP was given was pretty stupid. Whoever though that it was a good idea is the one who needs to give their head a wobble!

I do feel really sorry for those struggling to manage on their income, but the main point I’m making is that I think it is unreasonable for the OP to expect a significant gift voucher, for doing her job. What other profession, expects to gain a bonus like this? If you work for the NHS or as a Carer (all those people, who put their lives on the line during Covid), you are not allowed to accept gifts like this. If you do, you will be given a disciplinary and possibly lose your job! Sorry, but I do not see teachers any more deserving than they are, especially Carers (most of whom are on minimum wage, which is ridiculously low).

A newly qualified teacher earns more than a newly qualified Nurse and £7-8k more a year than a Carer on 40 hours a week (with far less holidays and poorer sickness, maternity benefits etc.), which obviously increases the longer she works.

So (genuinely) tell me, are Teachers really so much more deserving than Nurses, Nursing Assistants, Paramedics, Care Assistants etc.?

I agree with everything you said. I was very lucky and received between £200 and £250 in very useful gift vouchers, some delicious chocs and wine which I'll give to my parents. And yes, thank you emails and cards which mean a lot too. I'd have been annoyed with a hamper of stuff I couldn't eat, but I wouldn't mention it. Ever.

But I really hope no-one felt compelled or pressurised into contributing.

No, I don't think that teachers are more deserving than any of the other professions that you mention. At all- especially carers. I don't think though that the fact that in Tory Britain other people are badly paid doesn't mean begrudging teachers an end of term present- if anything it means voting the real abusers of public funds out of office- Suella Braverman, Jacob Rees Mogg, Rishi Sunak (who wants a public funded helicopter ride anyone) and such like. Public sector workers shouldn't be doing each other down. I wouldn't begrudge a nurse or a carer a present. It's just the circumstances of the job that mean teachers are more likely to be offered presents- it doesn't mean they are more or less deserving than others.
As for the teacher vs nurse pay comparison, I only know one nurse and he's a specialised Band 8c nurse, so over £60k in inner London! Alot more than me! But not an average comparison I am sure.

Nurses/Carers are most definitely offered gifts (possibly even more than teachers), but they are NOT allowed to accept them! Why? Because it could be looked on as patients/clients trying to get more favourable treatment! To be honest, the same should really apply to teachers. I bet there are (well I definitely know there are) some parents who try to get in teachers good books, so their child gets more favourable attention. I know that most teachers would definitely not make a difference, but the fact that this is a possibility, means that it does happen. I have actually watched a teacher fawning over the Doctor parent, ignoring wee Jimmy and his mother, who is a cleaner! I’m sure you will agree, that is dreadful. As in every profession, there are always some who let the majority down.

You also talk about the public sector. The lowest (and the highest) wages are in the private sector, think my comment about Carers being on minimum wage. Well, shop/supermarket assistants, bar men/women, waiters/waitresses, private nursery workers, many factory workers, office staff etc. are on really awful wages, many far less than those in the public sector. However, these people are often expected to put in towards teacher’s gifts. If you think teachers are on the breadline, what about these people? Does nobody care about them?

By the way, current rate for a newly qualified teacher is £28k, going up to £30k in September. From September someone on National Living Wage would have to work around 56 hours a week to earn the same as a newly qualified teacher. These are the poor buggers I feel sorry for. Public sector wages go up, so other costs go up to compensate for this, so those on minimum wage have to pay more for things, so they fall further behind, making it even harder for them to manage. Unfortunately, I honestly can’t see how things can be made fair for all, it’s such a vicious circle!

With regard to the nurse you know, most nurses can only dream of a £60k salary. Basic FT salary for a qualified nurse (up until she has been qualified at least 2 years) was just over £27k, until April 2023, when it went up to just shy of £28.5k.

I apologise that I have gone on my soapbox, but you can probably tell that I feel very very strongly about this.

@Jumbojade we give a thanks via vouchers usually Amazon /love to shop so they teacher can get what they want

But it's on the last day of year. So they won't be getting better treatment as they move up a year and teacher next time they are in school

I have given nice biscuits and chocolate to nurses after looking after me

It's not a bribe to look after me better. I'm going home so makes no diff to me

It's a thank you

In a nutshell, you think that teachers shouldn't ever be given presents because:

1. there are people paid less than teachers
2. teachers might be treat children differently based on presents given.

You're right about the first point- there are lots of poorly paid people in this country. In my experience of about 15 years teaching (around a decade in primary) I've never seen anyone treat a child in a more or less advantageous way based on the job their parents do or because of any potential present. I'm not saying it's an impossibility, but I've never seen or heard of it. It's not something I have ever done.

I disagree that because rules in one profession (eg nursing) ban something (presents) those rules should apply to teachers. You are right that some parents do try to get into the good books of teachers- most of us see this straight away. I do think in teacher training for primary this should be covered in case any new teachers are naive about the parent-teacher relationship- we are not friends- however well you get on with a parent.

If people are on poor wages, it's really simple; don't buy the teacher a present. None of us want someone to feel pressured into contributing if they don't want to/can't afford it. But banning a token of appreciation for in many cases going above and beyond caring and educating your child- seems a bit mean.

If any nurse was spending six hours a day, five days a week, nine months a year with my DC, I'd definitely be getting them a present!