AIBU end of term present

[Bunny93]

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

A £75 voucher would have been so much better, that hamper is a bit naff to be honest, even if you could eat and drink what's in it

Not half empty, just half sized

OP has already said she tried to return it without the receipt but was refused.

Although OP, I'd be tempted to try a different branch and lean heavily on the allergy aspect!

As annoying as it is, I think it would be really rude to ask for the receipt.

Someone has went to the trouble of collecting money and buying the gift which is often as hassle when its from a group.

I'd regift/donate the items and keep the basket and jam.

That hamper is seriously over priced! What a rip off!

Could you sell it on marketplace? Assuming it's sealed and everything's in date I am sure someone would buy it for £30-40.

I've been there. Accept it, re-gift the items, keep the basket.

Anything else is too awkward.

Vouchers are definitely the way forward though so you need to start dropping hints for Christmas now!

Agree that asking for a receipt could look very grabby in the circumstances.

I understand OP’s frustrations though.
Vouchers alone are probably a better present.
Hampers are so expensive for what they are in my opinion.

I agree with @SussexLass87
OP, I completely understand your feelings here but, to keep life pleasant for yourself, please don't mention it to the organiser...or anyone else really. It was given with kindness.

Would any of your colleagues be interested in a present swap in the staff room? Pop anything you cannot use in a certain place and take something that would be more useful??

I have worked with the same three doctors for over a decade. They all, without fail, buy me a bottle of nice wine every Christmas. (I've been teetotal for longer than I've worked with them - they all know this).
I just thank them and then take the bottles of wine to anything I am invited to over the Christmas period.

I think you can only really broach this issue with close friends and family and, even then, it's a sensitive and thorny subject tbh.

@Bunny93 Enjoy your summer break. I hope things get easier for you soon

Do you know any of the parents better than others? I would approach that person and stress the allergy aspect tbh. I would be mortified if I’d contributed to a gift that was basically useless. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, selling it on Facebook seems reasonable. I’m sorry your gift was so inappropriate, it does spoil the end of the year somewhat x

https://www.marksandspencer.com/with-love-hamper-with-champagne/p/hpp60605431?extid=ps_ps-gpla_ggl_hampers_food__-UK-css-_&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=CjwKCAjwtuOlBhBREiwA7agf1qePzcSFIkKmErS4H21UblMOmk436F3dXlEgNPU_bCLriVbmdbBcHBoCI3oQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Sorry you are struggling, but it would seem ungrateful to point out the flaws in a genuine present.

OH gets alcohol every year which he doesn't drink. Wine goes into cooking but beer (which irritatingly he gets more of, presumably because he's a man 🙄) gets offered to friends.

@SussexLass87 if I gave someone a gift that they literally cannot use I wouldn’t be insulted if they asked for the receipt to change it.

I wouldn't embarrass myself or even worse embarrass the parent by contacting them about this. The thought of it is making me cringe. Just re-gift the hamper or donate it to a food bank.

@oakleaffy Not my experience at all. My son has food allergies and parents often forget after I've told them or just don't consider them.

When teachers have had allergies in the past they've sometimes sent a letter at the start of the year to tell parents i.e. 'Please don't let little Johnny bring his peanut butter sandwich into my classroom...'

If OP has previously made them aware of her allergy and they've disregarded it I'd say she's well within her rights to decline the present.

Do not ask for a receipt. Sorry but that would look really bad. It’s a gift, they could have not gotten you anything. So in that sense your not losing out.

Try and take it to another m&s to exchange for vouchers, or just keep it and regift it to your parents, grandparents or someone at Christmas?

Contact M and S on twitter private messages first and explain the situation. They may be able to agree an action with you.

I don't think the parents should be approached as its a gift and they also can't "learn" about you for the future because next years teacher will be different.

I can't imagine M and S being anything other than helpful if the items are not perishable.

Let us know how you get on.

I would pass it on to a colleague who has been really helpful to me in the past year.
Especially a SLT as they don't usually recieved much thanks in my school.
My assistant head has been so supportive to me this year. I would pass it to him without a second thought

I’m Muslim and don’t drink. My in-laws still buy me alcohol…. However, this is clearly a different situation and the gift is well meant (and given by people who may also be struggling). Don’t ask for the receipt but stick it on eBay/marketplace (or ask someone else to do it for you), swap it with another teacher or just give it away.

I do it so that I can reduce the amount of plastic shit / crappy gifts they get and replace it with the One for All vouchers they can spend anywhere

Can you even return or exchange a gift that includes food? I would have thought not. Message them and find out before asking for the receipt.

Thank you everyone for giving me your opinions.

I don't think I will ask the parent for a receipt. They might be fine with me asking but they also may think I'm ungrateful and I really don't want that, so best not to risk it.

It just makes me want to burst in to tears knowing I have £61 in my account to last for 3 weeks and I have a jar of jam worth £75!

I am going to see if a charity shop will want the hamper with alcohol, I'm not sure if they accept it or not? I asked around to see if a few friends/colleagues wanted it they all said they don't really like the things inside so wouldn't make much use of it either.

I’m a teacher too. So far this year I’ve been given a Kit Kat, a bottle of wine and a key ring (that I’m extremely grateful for!) presents are not compulsory and sometimes they’re things we wouldn’t buy for ourselves. I once got a massive purple teddy that a kid had won at the fair.

Personally, I’d put it all away and use the items as regifts. At least you can save some cash that way. Whilst it’s obviously disappointing, you haven’t actually lost anything. They were unlikely to give you vouchers to cover your weekly shop. Having said that, like others have said, maybe contact M&S for an exchange/ credit note.

Really? You would have the balls to do this? That’s incredibly rude. They have spent time collecting the money and buying the gift thinking they were doing a lovely, generous thing for a teacher and you would literally hand it back and say there’s nothing I like here, so you get rid of it. Unbelievable!

Being allergic to everything and seeing it go to waste is a little bit different to saying I don't like any of this. And you know it is.