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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU end of term present

561 replies

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 08:57

Hello everyone,

I am a reception teacher and my class very kindly gifted me a hamper at the end of the year. It is an M&S hamper worth £75, so very expensive.

It has 6 items inside. 1 of the items is a half bottle of wine, which I don't drink for religious reasons. 4 of the other 5 are things with nuts, which I am allergic to and the remaining item I can make use of is a jar of jam. I am struggling a lot for money at the moment and would really like to swap the hamper in exchange for vouchers where I can buy food.

I don't want to seem ungrateful though, and it would mean asking a parent who organised this gift for the receipt in order to return it. I tried to see if I could take it in without one and was refused. But the thought of having a £75 jar of jam actually breaks my heart ☹️ what would you do? AIBU to consider asking for a receipt?

OP posts:

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Whattodonut · 20/07/2023 10:09

As a parent I would be mortified to know you'd been given something so inappropriate. And I think a quiet in person chat with the organiser would be fine.

Also for next year do let parents know you don't drink and are allergic to nuts or ask the head to do a non- specific parent wide email?

DinnaeFashYersel · 20/07/2023 10:09

If I was the organising parent I would really want you to tell me so I could give you the receipt

fuckthisprivilage · 20/07/2023 10:11

As a parent, I would absolutely want to you have the receipt so you could choose something that works for you, and wouldn't consider it ungrateful in the least.

In fact I think it is bloody odd that the feelings of the organiser (who won't be in the least bit offended, if they are a reasonable person) should be more important than yours, when the whole bloody point of said gift is to show appreciation to you.

It's not like you're asking for the receipt because it isn't to your taste - it's practically unusable for you!

TempName247 · 20/07/2023 10:11

If I had gifted it to you I would be mortified if you DIDN’T tell me it was unsuitable, please do speak up and say you are extremely grateful for such a generous gift and is it possible to exchange it for a nut free option

MotherofWhippets81 · 20/07/2023 10:11

If you're Muslim and they bought you a gift with alcohol in it's really quite thoughtless.

I sent all of my staff M&S hampers when our project closed and I actually had a moan (well more of made a comment) that there wasn't a lot of choice if you wanted one without alcohol in. Surely a £75 voucher would have been better. Makes you wonder if the organiser had that as a present and passed it on. Hmm.

Luxell934 · 20/07/2023 10:12

Bunny93 · 20/07/2023 10:02

Thank you everyone for giving me your opinions.

I don't think I will ask the parent for a receipt. They might be fine with me asking but they also may think I'm ungrateful and I really don't want that, so best not to risk it.

It just makes me want to burst in to tears knowing I have £61 in my account to last for 3 weeks and I have a jar of jam worth £75!

I am going to see if a charity shop will want the hamper with alcohol, I'm not sure if they accept it or not? I asked around to see if a few friends/colleagues wanted it they all said they don't really like the things inside so wouldn't make much use of it either.

It just makes me want to burst in to tears knowing I have £61 in my account to last for 3 weeks and I have a jar of jam worth £75!

Sorry your struggling OP but these two things aren’t linked in any way. They could have gifted you a mug and some flowers and you’d still only have £61 to last until payday. The gift is completely a separate issue. You also don’t have a jar of jam worth £75 in your cupboard. You have a hamper worth £75, try another m&s to see if they will exchange for vouchers or try and sell it.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 20/07/2023 10:12

I'd try contacting M&S head office first and explain the situation.

Our class gift is a vase with the kid's fingerprints on it, at least you can get rid of your gift. What the hell is the teacher going to do with ours?

Soubriquet · 20/07/2023 10:13

Phone your local M&S store and explain you’ve received a hamper with products in youre allergic to, and don’t have the receipt. Is there any chance you can return it for a voucher or other items. Most places will say yes

Winterday1991 · 20/07/2023 10:14

I think you have to suck it up, asking for a receipt from parents will just look grabby.

JaneMargolisFromBreakingBad · 20/07/2023 10:16

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 20/07/2023 10:12

I'd try contacting M&S head office first and explain the situation.

Our class gift is a vase with the kid's fingerprints on it, at least you can get rid of your gift. What the hell is the teacher going to do with ours?

Put some flowers in it.

Rtc12 · 20/07/2023 10:16

I'd definitely ask for the receipt, I've arranged the class gift this year and we've done vouchers and I asked what (if any) alcohol they like so I know they'll like the present. I would much rather a teacher as for a receipt and get something the like,especially in the COL crisis.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 20/07/2023 10:17

Take it into M&S and see if they will refund for vouchers it's worth a go before you charity shop it.

Explain about the wine and allergies. Looking the refunds policy hampers wouldn't usually be returnable even with a receipt but they do have a goodwill policy which allows for exceptions as long as items are still sealed and in original condition

Livelifelaughter · 20/07/2023 10:18

I bought a wedding present and it broke, the couple asked if I could exchange it for them and I had no problem doing so. My point is I wanted them to actually enjoy the gift, it wasn't a "token " offer. I think it's fine to explain the situation and ask if it's possible for the hamper to be returned, there must be another version that doesn't have nuts or alcohol.. Not sure I would ask for a receipt.

Whinge · 20/07/2023 10:19

TempName247 · 20/07/2023 10:11

I agree, and think most people would feel like this. I also think it's worth mentioning because there's a chance next years parents might ask around and think a similar gift is a good idea.

ButterCrackers · 20/07/2023 10:19

YANBU but understand that you can’t ask for a receipt. See if M&S will take it back for an exchange. If not take the hamper to your local old folks home. I bet there’s someone there due to have a birthday but won’t get presents as their family are distant. You’ll have made someone feel happy. I also understand it’s tough for you. I wish that you could have got shop vouchers.

MrsSkylerWhite · 20/07/2023 10:19

Shoes232 · Today 09:10
As a teacher I would say thank you accept the gift and do nothing more. I really don’t think it’s appropriate to ask for a receipt. You could take it to the shop to ask for an exchange but I would never ask parents. Gifts aren’t expected and we can’t use that to supplement our wages even though times are hard”

Disagree. It’s not difficult to find out about a person’s allergies. To not do so when buying an expensive gift on behalf of other people is thoughtless.

I’d just explain, OP and say I’d like to swap for something I could enjoy.

sunnydayhereandnow · 20/07/2023 10:22

Normally I'd say ask for a receipt, but M&S food gifts can't be returned under their returns policy. I'd try their head office, but realistically, this may be one of those unfortunate situations where there's not really anything you can do about it.

Catspyjamas17 · 20/07/2023 10:24

I'd just save it for a Christmas gift or regift individual items.

Mojitosaremyfavourite · 20/07/2023 10:28

StylishM · 20/07/2023 09:25

Some hampers contain 37.5cl bottles of wine, which is half a normal bottle. I don't think OP means it's half-drunk!

🤣

Toothiepegg · 20/07/2023 10:29

Catspyjamas17 · 20/07/2023 10:24

I'd just save it for a Christmas gift or regift individual items.

I thought this too but then the items may be out of date by Christmas.

Poppyblush · 20/07/2023 10:30

You won’t be able to exchange it ….. just regift

usererror99 · 20/07/2023 10:30

I don't think it's appropriate to ask for a receipt sorry - for a lot of parents having to constantly find money for teacher gifts is difficult enough as it is not to mention the stress for the parent who cops for organising the collecting and buying

I don't know anyone else who in fulfilling the requirements of their job gets gifts at the end of the each term

I'd try and return in store and see about a store credit

BeverleyMacker · 20/07/2023 10:34

Shoes232 · 20/07/2023 09:10

As a teacher I would say thank you accept the gift and do nothing more. I really don’t think it’s appropriate to ask for a receipt. You could take it to the shop to ask for an exchange but I would never ask parents. Gifts aren’t expected and we can’t use that to supplement our wages even though times are hard.

Can you even exchange food items? I'm not sure you can :/

BeverleyMacker · 20/07/2023 10:35

Whinge · 20/07/2023 09:21

A half bottle of wine?

Surely this is a regifted item?

I bet the other parents would be horrified to learn that the organiser has collected their money and given you one of their unwanted present.

You can buy small bottles of wine.

MrsMarieMopps · 20/07/2023 10:38

I think it's poor they didn't have to try to find out what you might like!

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