To be so upset about this comment about having boys?

[themummylife]

I really don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to be so upset by a comment that was made to me today. I was in a cafe with my 2 year old DS and 6 month old DS. There was a little girl who was playing with DS1 and I got chatting to her grandma. She asked if I was going to try again for a daughter, I told her I wasn’t sure if I wanted any more children and I was quite happy enjoying my time with my boys. She pulled a face and told me I need to try for a daughter because otherwise I won’t have the lovely times she’s having with her grandchildren and being a ‘real’ mum/grandma. Then she did the ‘sons a son until he takes a wife’ rhyme. I doubled down that I was happy with my boys and left.

I know the comments were rude. But I’m so upset by it and I don’t know if I’m overreacting. My DS1 was in earshot for her comments which has hurt because I never want him thinking I’d have wished for a daughter instead of him or his brother. I feel lucky to have been able to have two healthy children regardless of the gender. I’m not bothered about not having a daughter, or the comments about not being close to my sons or their families when they grow up because I’m closer to my paternal GM and all of my dads side of the family than my mums. I also don’t care if my sons a son until he takes a wife, because that’s what I want, I’m raising my children to one day be adults with their own lives and families.

I think what’s bothered me is that this woman saw me as less than a mum of girls. That she saw my boys as less than a daughter. That she voiced her rude opinions to me. I’m annoyed that I didn’t stand up for my boys more. I’ve had a few comments when I had DS2 about trying for a girl, but nothing as rude as this. I spoke to DH about it and he said he he had similar comments from his friends at work about the bond between a father and his little girl, how you can be ‘softer’ with a daughter and how he’s missing out. He says to ignore it as we’re happy, but it’s upset me. I’m overthinking it, I know I am, but it makes me feel like people feel like I’m not a real mum or I’ve not given my husband the joy of having a daughter.

Sorry if this is a long post and if it’s a bit jumbled. I just want to know if IABU for being so upset? And also how other people have dealt with this sort of thing?

I am almost certain you were speaking to my mother-in-law! I've got two boys much to her extreme disappointment. My boys are wonderful, funny, kind, caring people and it makes me rage abbot that she is so judgemental about their gender! She loves them and finds them sweet but she has made it very plain she prefers girls.
Sorry that happened - sending a hug. Boys are amazing.

You do need a thick skin when you have multiples of the same sex. Get used to unwanted remarks/questions. Brush them off with a joke or a laugh. I always do as I am delighted with my own family.

I have gynae issues so I was relieved that they are all boys purely because I don't want to pass on my dodgy gynae issues to any daughters! If I had had girls though they would have been just as loved as my boys.

Ultimately it's your family. The family you were meant to have.

My FIL is like an encyclopaedia of football facts and a keen golfer. He’s also tall and quite brash. He and his DS have none of these things in common but still get along just fine. As parents what we really want is healthy and happy and if we are unlucky on those fronts the strength and life to cope.