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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner is so greedy & costing me a fortune

494 replies

Chocolatelover2023 · 19/07/2023 12:00

I have lived in partner’s property for 8 years now and we agreed when I moved in that I would pay for the groceries, the Sky TV, broadband and the vets bills for the dogs we own.

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.

Now living here for the last couple of years has been like living like I’m back at home with my parents.

I am not allowed to have a bath.

I can only wash my clothes once a month ( I have to ask him before hand as he says the water pipes are often turned off? )

We sometimes eat in the dark and the lights are turned off after a certain time.

I am not even allowed to use the oven unless he is also putting something in the oven.

I can just about manage a shower a day for 10 minutes.

We cant flush the toilet unless someone has been for a number 2.

Toilet will then be flushed at the end of the day causing a horrific smell of urine in the bathroom.

My partner pays a month:

Electricity £60
Water £25
Gas £30
Council Tax £90

I pay a month:

Groceries £400
Dog food £40
Broadband £20
Sky £100
And also covering the vet bills, annual vaccinations, flea and worm treatment.

I do a weekly food shop averaging around £100 a week split at Aldi and Asda.

The food will be gone within 3/4days, as partner is so greedy and then complains there is no food in the house.

I try to limit what I eat to save money.

Partner will just eat what he wants.
He will use all the veg within days and the fridge will empty.

I will buy two huge bags of baking potatoes and they will be gone within 4 days as he will use 3/4 for one meal of jacket potatoes and the rest he will make mash/ roast potatoes with.

Hardly any left for me.

I cannot afford to keep doing these big weekly shops, he moans that he pays all the bills, but my bills are massive compared to his.

I have just paid £200 for my dog’s antibiotics who was ill last week.

He me his bank card and promised to me pay half but gave me the wrong PIN, so I had to pay all the bill myself.

Partner is very wealthy, he owns several Buy to Let’s and his parents are very rich too.

We have been arguing a lot lately as partner was annoyed I never got his dad a Fathers’s Day card/ present.
Again these things cost money, something partner does not seem to grasp.

I dont see why I should as I dont particularly like his dad and defo do not see him in a fatherly role, and plus I have my own dad!

I have suggested that I move out and get my own place as I cannot keep living like this.
His parents live next door and are always sticking there nose in our business.

Partner has just started a new job and his mum text me asking why I was not cooking for him.
I work full time myself, have to do all the cleaning and look after the dogs!

Partner has suffered from depression in the past ( so have I ) but living like this is really making me feel down, I feel like a prisoner.
I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much.

I really dont know what to do as partner will always make me feel guilty every time I have tried to leave in the past.

OP posts:
PaperwhiteTheGhost · 19/07/2023 12:02

I read as far as the tax fraud. If you live there, he can't pay single occupancy.

Hazelnuttella · 19/07/2023 12:03

If you’re looking for permission to leave, then consider it granted.

This sounds like a really miserable life OP. You deserve to be happy and treated well. It sounds like you’ve got used to accepting the “rules”, which sound very controlling. You are an adult, you can flush the toilet whenever you please.

I hope you get some good support here and the confidence to leave.

Sweetashunni · 19/07/2023 12:03

Ewwwww bin him

WaltzingWaters · 19/07/2023 12:03

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 19/07/2023 12:02

I read as far as the tax fraud. If you live there, he can't pay single occupancy.

This.

Whole situation sounds shit. Sort it out or break up. And start paying proper council tax!

user95438847 · 19/07/2023 12:03

Why is he paying single occupancy if you both live there?

Ilovealido · 19/07/2023 12:04

OP I think your title is misleading. Your partner actually sounds abusive in a number of ways & his family sound like a nightmare. Get out & get out now!

murasaki · 19/07/2023 12:04

Not the point, but the council tax issue is fraud.

He sounds awful, you need to leave.

JaniceBattersby · 19/07/2023 12:04

There’s literally no reason for you to not leave. Just go and take the dogs with you.

Peachespeachesohpeaches · 19/07/2023 12:04

I couldn't read past the the not flushing the loo. Run for the fucking hills.

Babysharkdoodoodood · 19/07/2023 12:04

user95438847 · 19/07/2023 12:03

Why is he paying single occupancy if you both live there?

Oh god! He sounds exhausting! Life's too short!
LTB

TeaMistress · 19/07/2023 12:05

You're being financially and emotionally abused. It's time to get yourself and your dog out of this situation. Can you make plans to buy / rent your own place and move out. If you aren't married and no children then you have no ties to him
As for his mother asking why you aren't cooking for him. Cheeky mare. I would have set her straight about her tightfisted abusive son.

OhComeOnFFS · 19/07/2023 12:05

I can't think of one reason why you'd stay in a relationship with this greedy, selfish, boring, stinking man who doesn't even pay the proper council tax. God knows what his tax returns are like.

Make plans to go, then go, then tell him you've gone.

Yogazmum · 19/07/2023 12:05

Jesus wept… why are you with this absolute leech?
The council tax single occupancy is fraudulent.

dancinfeet · 19/07/2023 12:05

why are you with this financially and emotionally abusive man?
you deserve better than this OP, can you make plans to leave?

Lifechangesalot · 19/07/2023 12:05

I switched off after seeing you've lived there 8 years and he's committing fraud by claiming single occupancy

Blossomtoes · 19/07/2023 12:06

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 19/07/2023 12:02

I read as far as the tax fraud. If you live there, he can't pay single occupancy.

This. And the rest stretches credulity.

FireflyJar · 19/07/2023 12:06

He is a scamming tight bàstard. I give you permission to leave. You don't even officially live there FFS

satellitesunshine · 19/07/2023 12:06

please read this back and consider why on earth you’re with this giant baby.

Choice4567 · 19/07/2023 12:06

oh my the whole situation is horrible. Just one of those things would be bad enough! Could not live like that. Please leave!

Waspie · 19/07/2023 12:07

Move out. Then tell the Council Tax team that he's been fraudulently claiming single person discount for 8 years.

Floralnomad · 19/07/2023 12:07

Just leave , he sounds awful and then tell the council that you lived there for all those years and they will backdate his council tax .

Mrsjayy · 19/07/2023 12:07

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 19/07/2023 12:02

I read as far as the tax fraud. If you live there, he can't pay single occupancy.

Yeah this Is how far I got says it all really. Op you don't have to stay with him you should just leave him, he is adding nothing to your life !

MojacarSunset · 19/07/2023 12:07

YABU for not leaving years ago!!!

Get out asap

Sweetashunni · 19/07/2023 12:07

Tell him if he keeps the dogs he has to pay the vets bills. That way you’ll get to keep them. Good luck

FireflyJar · 19/07/2023 12:08

Cancel the sky first. Then go