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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner is so greedy & costing me a fortune

494 replies

Chocolatelover2023 · 19/07/2023 12:00

I have lived in partner’s property for 8 years now and we agreed when I moved in that I would pay for the groceries, the Sky TV, broadband and the vets bills for the dogs we own.

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.

Now living here for the last couple of years has been like living like I’m back at home with my parents.

I am not allowed to have a bath.

I can only wash my clothes once a month ( I have to ask him before hand as he says the water pipes are often turned off? )

We sometimes eat in the dark and the lights are turned off after a certain time.

I am not even allowed to use the oven unless he is also putting something in the oven.

I can just about manage a shower a day for 10 minutes.

We cant flush the toilet unless someone has been for a number 2.

Toilet will then be flushed at the end of the day causing a horrific smell of urine in the bathroom.

My partner pays a month:

Electricity £60
Water £25
Gas £30
Council Tax £90

I pay a month:

Groceries £400
Dog food £40
Broadband £20
Sky £100
And also covering the vet bills, annual vaccinations, flea and worm treatment.

I do a weekly food shop averaging around £100 a week split at Aldi and Asda.

The food will be gone within 3/4days, as partner is so greedy and then complains there is no food in the house.

I try to limit what I eat to save money.

Partner will just eat what he wants.
He will use all the veg within days and the fridge will empty.

I will buy two huge bags of baking potatoes and they will be gone within 4 days as he will use 3/4 for one meal of jacket potatoes and the rest he will make mash/ roast potatoes with.

Hardly any left for me.

I cannot afford to keep doing these big weekly shops, he moans that he pays all the bills, but my bills are massive compared to his.

I have just paid £200 for my dog’s antibiotics who was ill last week.

He me his bank card and promised to me pay half but gave me the wrong PIN, so I had to pay all the bill myself.

Partner is very wealthy, he owns several Buy to Let’s and his parents are very rich too.

We have been arguing a lot lately as partner was annoyed I never got his dad a Fathers’s Day card/ present.
Again these things cost money, something partner does not seem to grasp.

I dont see why I should as I dont particularly like his dad and defo do not see him in a fatherly role, and plus I have my own dad!

I have suggested that I move out and get my own place as I cannot keep living like this.
His parents live next door and are always sticking there nose in our business.

Partner has just started a new job and his mum text me asking why I was not cooking for him.
I work full time myself, have to do all the cleaning and look after the dogs!

Partner has suffered from depression in the past ( so have I ) but living like this is really making me feel down, I feel like a prisoner.
I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much.

I really dont know what to do as partner will always make me feel guilty every time I have tried to leave in the past.

OP posts:
PureLife89 · 19/07/2023 12:18

It's all very well being extremely wealthy but what's the point?

He'll die the richest corpse in the cemetery

Your life sounds very miserable, get out now

Peony654 · 19/07/2023 12:18

it's so sad you have to even question this - that's abuse, plain and simple. Get out, get far away and cancel all bill payments related to that property

LosingMyPancakes · 19/07/2023 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Luxell934 · 19/07/2023 12:18

If you’ve lived there for years he shouldn’t be paying single occupancy council tax. Isn’t that illegal?? Especially as he’s so “wealthy”??

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 19/07/2023 12:19

Does he have a golden knob or something? Can't see what you're getting out of this situation, other than a whole load of debt and anxiety.

DRS1970 · 19/07/2023 12:19

I stopped reading after you declared you are defrauding the council tax by falsely claiming single occupancy!

tennesseewhiskey1 · 19/07/2023 12:20

Not flushing the loo?! My god that’s absolutely disgusting, why on earth have you subjected yourself to this?!

jammiedodgerfriday · 19/07/2023 12:21

LTB

Technically you are living their illegally anyways by him only paying single occupancy council tax! That's outrageous.

Grab your dogs and go, this man sounds unbelievable and I can't actually believe you haven't left before now!

Moonlightdust · 19/07/2023 12:22

Run 🏃‍♀️

Beezknees · 19/07/2023 12:22

He's breaking the law! He can't claim single person council tax if you live there!

Aside from that, what a miserable situation. Just leave.

Maddy70 · 19/07/2023 12:22

Why are you with him "only allowed to wash my clothes once a month"

Coastalcreeksider · 19/07/2023 12:23

Why on earth are you staying with him? He offers you absolutely nothing in any way. He sounds absolutely horrifying with no redeeming features at all.

You should go. He is a pig.

MummyDummyNow · 19/07/2023 12:25

Is there no rent or mortgage to pay?

And, you get my very first LTB.

doitwithlove · 19/07/2023 12:25

For all the reasons you have written you meed to move out asap

ModestMoon · 19/07/2023 12:25

Partner is very wealthy, he owns several Buy to Let’s and his parents are very rich too.

Leave him.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 19/07/2023 12:26

Love, greedy is only a tiny part of it. He is abusive and has conditioned you into thinking any of this is halfway acceptable. You need to leave as soon as you can.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 19/07/2023 12:26

Ditch Ebeneezer Scrooge and get your own place. What an awful life.

Bluetrews25 · 19/07/2023 12:26

When you go, flush the loo, turn the hot tap on, turn the oven on, and just leave. If there's a landline call the speaking clock...
Do it when he's out.

KevinDeBrioche · 19/07/2023 12:27

If this is real, it’s abuse. LTB

flumposie · 19/07/2023 12:27

Leave him. This is no way to live. Not allowing you to wash your clothes/ flush the toilet : he's denying you basic needs in life. He sounds vile.

Badger1970 · 19/07/2023 12:28

The only one not "allowing" you to do anything is yourself by staying with mr tight arse.

Seriously, you get one life. Live it. Make the most of every single day that you're well enough to do so.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/07/2023 12:29

So you are expected to sit in the cold and dark to keep 'his' costs down yet he eats as much as he wants on your bill?

This is an awfully unfair relationship and the fact you're not able to say no or challenge him is really worrying. Please move out- a flat share or being a lodger with a family would be better than this. Domestic abuse charities can put you in touch with dog support fosters etc in the meantime if needed

Wishimaywishimight · 19/07/2023 12:30

How can you possibly not know what to do???

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/07/2023 12:30

If this is real, and I like to think it can't be, then for the thousandth time I wonder why women put up with this shit. WHY??!

I don't like to victim blame but as a semi intelligent adult, surely the first time he wants to eat in the dark or says you can't wash your clothes, you think "NOPE. BYE!"

Bumble84 · 19/07/2023 12:30

I honestly can’t believe some of the posts on here sometimes. This one is right up there. Op you HAVE to leave this abhorrent specimen. He’s not even a man.