Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner is so greedy & costing me a fortune

494 replies

Chocolatelover2023 · 19/07/2023 12:00

I have lived in partner’s property for 8 years now and we agreed when I moved in that I would pay for the groceries, the Sky TV, broadband and the vets bills for the dogs we own.

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.

Now living here for the last couple of years has been like living like I’m back at home with my parents.

I am not allowed to have a bath.

I can only wash my clothes once a month ( I have to ask him before hand as he says the water pipes are often turned off? )

We sometimes eat in the dark and the lights are turned off after a certain time.

I am not even allowed to use the oven unless he is also putting something in the oven.

I can just about manage a shower a day for 10 minutes.

We cant flush the toilet unless someone has been for a number 2.

Toilet will then be flushed at the end of the day causing a horrific smell of urine in the bathroom.

My partner pays a month:

Electricity £60
Water £25
Gas £30
Council Tax £90

I pay a month:

Groceries £400
Dog food £40
Broadband £20
Sky £100
And also covering the vet bills, annual vaccinations, flea and worm treatment.

I do a weekly food shop averaging around £100 a week split at Aldi and Asda.

The food will be gone within 3/4days, as partner is so greedy and then complains there is no food in the house.

I try to limit what I eat to save money.

Partner will just eat what he wants.
He will use all the veg within days and the fridge will empty.

I will buy two huge bags of baking potatoes and they will be gone within 4 days as he will use 3/4 for one meal of jacket potatoes and the rest he will make mash/ roast potatoes with.

Hardly any left for me.

I cannot afford to keep doing these big weekly shops, he moans that he pays all the bills, but my bills are massive compared to his.

I have just paid £200 for my dog’s antibiotics who was ill last week.

He me his bank card and promised to me pay half but gave me the wrong PIN, so I had to pay all the bill myself.

Partner is very wealthy, he owns several Buy to Let’s and his parents are very rich too.

We have been arguing a lot lately as partner was annoyed I never got his dad a Fathers’s Day card/ present.
Again these things cost money, something partner does not seem to grasp.

I dont see why I should as I dont particularly like his dad and defo do not see him in a fatherly role, and plus I have my own dad!

I have suggested that I move out and get my own place as I cannot keep living like this.
His parents live next door and are always sticking there nose in our business.

Partner has just started a new job and his mum text me asking why I was not cooking for him.
I work full time myself, have to do all the cleaning and look after the dogs!

Partner has suffered from depression in the past ( so have I ) but living like this is really making me feel down, I feel like a prisoner.
I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much.

I really dont know what to do as partner will always make me feel guilty every time I have tried to leave in the past.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 19/07/2023 12:09

😂 "cancel the sky first" yes do that.

Clarachuff · 19/07/2023 12:09

Get your leaving plan ready...then leave with your dogs. Don't tell him.

FlowersInTheSky · 19/07/2023 12:09

This can’t possibly be real because who would stay in this situation? Confused

NotBotheredAnymore · 19/07/2023 12:10

Hes committing fraud. Council tax is probably the only bill that has a prison sentence attached to it for non payment so it is actually a very very serious fraud.

Hes abusing you in many different ways.

Get out asap, contact your GP or women's aid for support if you need it.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/07/2023 12:10

YABU to remain there one second longer than you have to, leave him to sit in the dark and eat all the jacket potatoes his mummy can feed him.

SaturdayGiraffe · 19/07/2023 12:10

I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much.

Take the dogs and go. He can sit in the dark alone, smelling his wee.

Weightlosstipsneeded · 19/07/2023 12:10

He's a pig and a bastard.
Move out and DUMP him. FAST.
Gave me the ick immensely just reading this.

SpringleDingle · 19/07/2023 12:11

You are being abused, the only sensible plan here is to leave.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 19/07/2023 12:11

LTB
You're living a miserable life where he strictly controls anything he pays for but doesn't care what he does with your money
Plus he's committing fraud to claim single occupancy

LTB

OrangeSlices998 · 19/07/2023 12:12

OP, leave. Before you get pregnant by him or this abuse escalated even further.

Run!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 19/07/2023 12:12

You sit in the dark?😲

This is so not right.

namechange1986 · 19/07/2023 12:12

I'm struggling to believe this could possibly be real TBH.

In the event it is, leave now.

FOJN · 19/07/2023 12:14

I'd cancel Sky immediately and save yourself £100 straight away.

Make plans to leave and cancel the broadband on your way out of the door.

The only way you can report him for council tax fraud and not implicate yourself is if you say you thought he was paying the correct amount have only just found out he's claiming a single occupancy discount.

Leave as soon as possible, this is no way to live.

SandyY2K · 19/07/2023 12:14

The relationship is very one sided. Get out!

towriteyoumustlive · 19/07/2023 12:15

Your partner is either financially abusive/controlling or is a complete weirdo.

You do realise life is for living and you don't have to put up with this?!?!?

Please leave this man!

EmmaEmerald · 19/07/2023 12:15

NotBotheredAnymore · 19/07/2023 12:10

Hes committing fraud. Council tax is probably the only bill that has a prison sentence attached to it for non payment so it is actually a very very serious fraud.

Hes abusing you in many different ways.

Get out asap, contact your GP or women's aid for support if you need it.

Yes
but I would imagine you, OP, are also committing council tax fraud as you don't pay?

potniatheron · 19/07/2023 12:16

Leave.

Make sure you cancel the broadband before you go.

Ideally on a day that his favourite TV show releases its band new season.

Nevermind31 · 19/07/2023 12:16

Yeah, I would have moved out years ago.
in the meantime, cancel Sky, and look for somewhere to live. Just go. As for the relationship- do you really want this???

Justcallmebebes · 19/07/2023 12:16

Shop him to the Council. He's committing fraud and so are you by association

Commentsonly · 19/07/2023 12:16

FlowersInTheSky · 19/07/2023 12:09

This can’t possibly be real because who would stay in this situation? Confused

My thoughts exactly!

Jux · 19/07/2023 12:17

Run.
Even go back to your parents' if you can, with the dogs. Almost anything is better than this.

You are your own woman and belong to no one but yourself. You don't need permission to leave but you have it from everyone on this thread and anyone else who loves you will agree.

Go. Get out. Anything, anything is better.

dreamingbohemian · 19/07/2023 12:17

You feel like a prisoner because he's treating you like a prisoner

But you're not! You can leave anytime! Fucking hell I can't believe you are putting up with all this, you don't have to.

Take the dogs, you've been paying for them all this time so clearly the one who cares about them.

afaloren · 19/07/2023 12:18

Leave and take the dogs with you. Just so it while he’s out. Simple. You’re not married, don’t own property together and you don’t mention children. There’s nothing keeping you there.

SophiaElise · 19/07/2023 12:18

What are you getting out of this relationship?

Bearpawk · 19/07/2023 12:18

He's abusing you.
He's committing tax fraud.
He's tight.
He's disgusting.
Leave. Now.