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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner is so greedy & costing me a fortune

494 replies

Chocolatelover2023 · 19/07/2023 12:00

I have lived in partner’s property for 8 years now and we agreed when I moved in that I would pay for the groceries, the Sky TV, broadband and the vets bills for the dogs we own.

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.

Now living here for the last couple of years has been like living like I’m back at home with my parents.

I am not allowed to have a bath.

I can only wash my clothes once a month ( I have to ask him before hand as he says the water pipes are often turned off? )

We sometimes eat in the dark and the lights are turned off after a certain time.

I am not even allowed to use the oven unless he is also putting something in the oven.

I can just about manage a shower a day for 10 minutes.

We cant flush the toilet unless someone has been for a number 2.

Toilet will then be flushed at the end of the day causing a horrific smell of urine in the bathroom.

My partner pays a month:

Electricity £60
Water £25
Gas £30
Council Tax £90

I pay a month:

Groceries £400
Dog food £40
Broadband £20
Sky £100
And also covering the vet bills, annual vaccinations, flea and worm treatment.

I do a weekly food shop averaging around £100 a week split at Aldi and Asda.

The food will be gone within 3/4days, as partner is so greedy and then complains there is no food in the house.

I try to limit what I eat to save money.

Partner will just eat what he wants.
He will use all the veg within days and the fridge will empty.

I will buy two huge bags of baking potatoes and they will be gone within 4 days as he will use 3/4 for one meal of jacket potatoes and the rest he will make mash/ roast potatoes with.

Hardly any left for me.

I cannot afford to keep doing these big weekly shops, he moans that he pays all the bills, but my bills are massive compared to his.

I have just paid £200 for my dog’s antibiotics who was ill last week.

He me his bank card and promised to me pay half but gave me the wrong PIN, so I had to pay all the bill myself.

Partner is very wealthy, he owns several Buy to Let’s and his parents are very rich too.

We have been arguing a lot lately as partner was annoyed I never got his dad a Fathers’s Day card/ present.
Again these things cost money, something partner does not seem to grasp.

I dont see why I should as I dont particularly like his dad and defo do not see him in a fatherly role, and plus I have my own dad!

I have suggested that I move out and get my own place as I cannot keep living like this.
His parents live next door and are always sticking there nose in our business.

Partner has just started a new job and his mum text me asking why I was not cooking for him.
I work full time myself, have to do all the cleaning and look after the dogs!

Partner has suffered from depression in the past ( so have I ) but living like this is really making me feel down, I feel like a prisoner.
I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much.

I really dont know what to do as partner will always make me feel guilty every time I have tried to leave in the past.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 19/07/2023 12:57

YABU for putting up with it for this long.

primoseyellow · 19/07/2023 12:59

I think you just have to leave, with people like this they will not change. It makes it worse that he is wealthy. If someone is broke then I have no issue with saving money, eg quick showers no baths, careful with electricity etc

But what kind of life is it if he is scrimping every penny because he is tight?

JustAPawn · 19/07/2023 12:59

So this abusive man has zero redeeming features. What an utterly miserable way to live OP. Get out of there and see a counsellor to explore why this has even happened. I wish you the very best. You deserve it, even if you don't believe it.

sausagelastrange · 19/07/2023 12:59

namechange1986 · 19/07/2023 12:12

I'm struggling to believe this could possibly be real TBH.

In the event it is, leave now.

Exactly this!

My first ever LTB is yours OP.

StellaJohanna · 19/07/2023 13:00

Are people not reading OP's posts? She has already left.

"I have currently left to stay with a friend in a different city trying to sort out a place to rent."

Crikeyalmighty · 19/07/2023 13:00

There's a reason he's well off OP!! He is tight as a ducks arse. Get out , or tell him you will bakancexwith a £50 a week shop- anything else he pays half .

StellaJohanna · 19/07/2023 13:01

Are they farmers by any chance, OP?

luckylavender · 19/07/2023 13:02

Chocolatelover2023 · 19/07/2023 12:00

I have lived in partner’s property for 8 years now and we agreed when I moved in that I would pay for the groceries, the Sky TV, broadband and the vets bills for the dogs we own.

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.

Now living here for the last couple of years has been like living like I’m back at home with my parents.

I am not allowed to have a bath.

I can only wash my clothes once a month ( I have to ask him before hand as he says the water pipes are often turned off? )

We sometimes eat in the dark and the lights are turned off after a certain time.

I am not even allowed to use the oven unless he is also putting something in the oven.

I can just about manage a shower a day for 10 minutes.

We cant flush the toilet unless someone has been for a number 2.

Toilet will then be flushed at the end of the day causing a horrific smell of urine in the bathroom.

My partner pays a month:

Electricity £60
Water £25
Gas £30
Council Tax £90

I pay a month:

Groceries £400
Dog food £40
Broadband £20
Sky £100
And also covering the vet bills, annual vaccinations, flea and worm treatment.

I do a weekly food shop averaging around £100 a week split at Aldi and Asda.

The food will be gone within 3/4days, as partner is so greedy and then complains there is no food in the house.

I try to limit what I eat to save money.

Partner will just eat what he wants.
He will use all the veg within days and the fridge will empty.

I will buy two huge bags of baking potatoes and they will be gone within 4 days as he will use 3/4 for one meal of jacket potatoes and the rest he will make mash/ roast potatoes with.

Hardly any left for me.

I cannot afford to keep doing these big weekly shops, he moans that he pays all the bills, but my bills are massive compared to his.

I have just paid £200 for my dog’s antibiotics who was ill last week.

He me his bank card and promised to me pay half but gave me the wrong PIN, so I had to pay all the bill myself.

Partner is very wealthy, he owns several Buy to Let’s and his parents are very rich too.

We have been arguing a lot lately as partner was annoyed I never got his dad a Fathers’s Day card/ present.
Again these things cost money, something partner does not seem to grasp.

I dont see why I should as I dont particularly like his dad and defo do not see him in a fatherly role, and plus I have my own dad!

I have suggested that I move out and get my own place as I cannot keep living like this.
His parents live next door and are always sticking there nose in our business.

Partner has just started a new job and his mum text me asking why I was not cooking for him.
I work full time myself, have to do all the cleaning and look after the dogs!

Partner has suffered from depression in the past ( so have I ) but living like this is really making me feel down, I feel like a prisoner.
I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much.

I really dont know what to do as partner will always make me feel guilty every time I have tried to leave in the past.

You've just admitted tax fraud

Idontgiveashitanymore · 19/07/2023 13:03

He’s a user , find somewhere else to live and move out!

Viviennemary · 19/07/2023 13:04

Council tax scenario is fraud. Super wealthy doesnt always mean sharing. But even with your outgoings you should still have a bit left even on a low wage if you are working full time. But if you are expecting a life of luxury supported by your partner it's not going to happen.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 19/07/2023 13:04

JaniceBattersby · 19/07/2023 12:04

There’s literally no reason for you to not leave. Just go and take the dogs with you.

And where exactly are the magical properties that accept dogs?

Thisishard23 · 19/07/2023 13:06

Get the fuck out of there. He's financially abusing you and probably mentally too. He knows what he's doing. I lived with someone like this and they dont care. They just want to control you. It sounds like you have your own money source. It's time to get out with your dogs. He's been be brainwashing you to live like this. It's not normal.

Hollyppp · 19/07/2023 13:06

I know you love the dogs but not being able to use an oven or flush or toilet or eat enough food is not worth suffering for

Hibiscrubbed · 19/07/2023 13:07

Tell the disgusting, abusive, fat, fraudulent cunt to fuck off, and move back out.

Jesus Christ.

RoyalImpatience · 19/07/2023 13:11

"troughing away knowing its on the your dime"

Absolutely hideous op it's abuse on so many levels.

AgnesX · 19/07/2023 13:11

Sounds dreadful. Leave, what are you waiting for!

BodegaSushi · 19/07/2023 13:13

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.

So he commits fraud. What a lovely man.

BodegaSushi · 19/07/2023 13:13

Oh and FYI, the issue isn't who's paying for what, the issue is that you've attached yourself to a horrific excuse of a man.

CaramelMac · 19/07/2023 13:16

What would happen if you did have a bath or flush the loo or turn the lights on?

Im glad to hear you’ve left, you’re better off out of that!

AnxiousFairyQueen · 19/07/2023 13:16

The posters reading all this and then focusing on the tax fraud are slightly insane aren’t they?

They’re your dogs op….you look after them and pay for them. I wouldn’t even discuss them with him - just take them. Could you leave them with a pet sitter while you get everything sorted so they’re safe? I wouldn’t let them out of my sight in this situation in case he uses them to try to hurt you.

You’re not just being a bit abused. This is a ridiculous situation.

RatherBeRiding · 19/07/2023 13:16

It sounds as though you have actually left and gone to stay with a friend while sorting out a rental? If so, well done. You will find a landlord who accepts pets just might need to be patient - I've known people take dogs into rentals so don't despair. And for heaven's sake do NOT get sucked back in for any reason whatsoever. The man is vile, manipulative and abusive. And - don't mean to be harsh - but raise your bar next time!

HarrietStyles · 19/07/2023 13:17

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 19/07/2023 13:04

And where exactly are the magical properties that accept dogs?

Show quote history

I’m a Landlord and the law has changed recently - I cannot refuse a tenant pets unless there is a really valid reason (ie if it’s a tiny top floor studio apartment you could say not fair on a dog). My tenants have just got a dog as letting agency told me there was no reason for me to refuse. My friend has just rented a house last week with her 2 dogs. Very easy to get a rental with dogs in 2023.

Purplebunnie · 19/07/2023 13:18

Report him for single person discount fraud

ReachForTheMars · 19/07/2023 13:18

Course he makes you feel guilty, he has you where he wants you, he is mugging you right off, and it easier to lay on the guilt for a bit than replace this skivvy.

Move on and dont get stung again. Living in his taxdodging house to build his empire at your own cost is madness

Tinkerbyebye · 19/07/2023 13:18

Well for a start he can’t claim single occupancy. He also sound horrid so why are you with him

Leave, report him to the council to advise you lived there from x to y, cancel the sky and all other bills in your name when you go and he can sort