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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School detentions

324 replies

Drhollyfrazier · 18/07/2023 10:14

They just don’t sit right with me at all. Teachers don’t want to be there so why do they insist on keeping children after school? I don’t understand where the mentality comes from that they can keep children there as a punishment past when they have to be there. Also lunch time detentions. Kids can have a break which would probably refresh them for the last few hours of the day but keeping them from their friends and a break from out of the classroom is surely only going to bring out an attitude and negative mood for the rest of the day.

When I was in high school 2007-13, I was often given detention for not completing homework, pretty much every week. That’s because I was so depressed during that time I wouldn’t get any sleep all night, having panic attacks, sometimes self harming. Every subjects teacher missed the warning signs of my MH and the response was detentions.

I just think it is absolutely not the right of schools to keep kids after school hours. aibu

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 18/07/2023 10:17

So what do you recommend for persistent rudeness, bullying, vandalism, damage to personal property, physical attacks then?

(some of the incidents at my DGC school, daily)

HelterSkelter123 · 18/07/2023 10:18

Nanny0gg · 18/07/2023 10:17

So what do you recommend for persistent rudeness, bullying, vandalism, damage to personal property, physical attacks then?

(some of the incidents at my DGC school, daily)

This.

SoupDragon · 18/07/2023 10:19

Well, the easiest solution is to behave in accordance with the school rules. Result: no detentions.

Plumbear2 · 18/07/2023 10:20

In my kids high school it's a different teacher every day for detention, it's part of their job, they don't just choose to do detention. My kids have never had a detention. If kids dont want a detention then don't to the crime, yes it's that simple

BlackeyedSusan · 18/07/2023 10:26

Nah, sometimes they deserve it. Tis extra child care innit.

Plumbear2 · 18/07/2023 10:26

Plus if detention gives kids an attitude and negative mood then they should learn from that, eg stick to school rules next time 🙄

InstantGratificationDarkPlaygroundOfMN · 18/07/2023 10:28

I don't disagree with you as such, especially about homework - which I have a bugbear about regarding its value - but I have no alternative deterrent.

Teachers have very little at their disposal to sanction students with:

fines/paying for damage - hard to implement/not levelling up
litter picking/removal of chewing gum from tables - parental complaints
voluntary homework hubs - they often don't come/their time is allegedly more important than mine
confiscation of phones - escalates/burden of responsibility/parents complain
corporal punishment - rightly illegal
pleading to their better selves - often they haven't had enough self-discipline to care/others have enough to contend with hence acting out in the first place
exclusions - government made it harder
isolation - cannot be overused/kids don't care

So inconveniencing them by keeping them behind is all we've got

Original poster
Drhollyfrazier · 18/07/2023 10:30

So I should’ve been more specific, but I meant detentions for things like being late, no homework, not having PE kit, not having the right equipment (I once got detention for not having a ruler).

OP posts:
lanthanum · 18/07/2023 10:32

I'm sorry that nobody investigated/identified what the underlying issue was for you.

However detentions are about the only sanction available, so what would you suggest?
Many schools go for rewards, in the hope that a carrot will reduce the need for a stick, but unfortunately there will always be some kids content to do without the rewards.

Grandana · 18/07/2023 10:39

It's not one size fits all.

I would hazard you shouldn't have been given those detentions. There are several kids at our school who are simply immune from them for various reasons, including one of my children. Maybe if you were at school now, you'd be one of these kids, and you would have been better served.

It doesn't follow that abolishing them altogether is proportionate or helpful.

Becomingolder · 18/07/2023 10:47

Drhollyfrazier · 18/07/2023 10:30

So I should’ve been more specific, but I meant detentions for things like being late, no homework, not having PE kit, not having the right equipment (I once got detention for not having a ruler).

So how do you suggest schools deal with these issues then? Children need equipment to be able to take part in their lesson and that includes their PE kit. How do you make sure they are on time, an important life skill, unless there is a consequence? The school I work at stopped detentions for no homework, very few do it now despite there being rewards in place if they do.

Schools should absolutely be looking to see if there is an underlying reason for these things to keep happening and then put support in place, but life has consequences and children have to learn that.

Nanny0gg · 18/07/2023 10:53

SoupDragon · 18/07/2023 10:19

Well, the easiest solution is to behave in accordance with the school rules. Result: no detentions.

Wouldn't thst be lovely!

gogomoto · 18/07/2023 10:56

So what do you recommend? I don't agree with corporal punishment so all teachers have left is detentions. Without some deterrents schools would be anarchy, some are already!

gogomoto · 18/07/2023 10:57

My uncle was caned daily for being late, he never learned! This was the 1960's and he's still always late at 80

StrawberryAmaretti · 18/07/2023 10:59

@Becomingolder

Maybe don't give a detention for someone forgetting something one time?
I agree Op, I have one that sits with me where I genuinely got the date wrong for giving in homework and thought it was on a Wednesday, I asked if I could get given an extension to the next day but instant detention.
I didn't learn anything just was really pissed I was pointlessly being kept after school.
Didn't even complete the homework as I was told it was too late to give it in..
Also I suffered chronic depression throughout my teenage years so it wasn't like I was being scatterbrained on purpose.

justpushingthrough · 18/07/2023 11:01

I dont know if its used here in Scotland ( my kids still in primary)

However, i can say with full conviction that none of my children will ever be kept in school detention against my will. No-one overrides my decisions when it comes to my child including detention.

CurlewKate · 18/07/2023 11:04

@justpushingthrough What sanctions would you tolerate?

Original poster
Drhollyfrazier · 18/07/2023 11:06

justpushingthrough · 18/07/2023 11:01

I dont know if its used here in Scotland ( my kids still in primary)

However, i can say with full conviction that none of my children will ever be kept in school detention against my will. No-one overrides my decisions when it comes to my child including detention.

I absolutely agree.
None of my kids will ever be held back either. That is absolutely not up to the school in my eyes.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 18/07/2023 11:07

justpushingthrough · 18/07/2023 11:01

I dont know if its used here in Scotland ( my kids still in primary)

However, i can say with full conviction that none of my children will ever be kept in school detention against my will. No-one overrides my decisions when it comes to my child including detention.

Not sure of the law in Scotland but in England parents do not have the right to overrule the school on detentions, so you might want to check that out.

angstridden2 · 18/07/2023 11:10

justpushingthrough
dr holly frazier

I really do hope your children are perfectly behaved for their teachers. If they’re not what ‘punishment’ would you suggest is acceptable/available to schools.

noblegiraffe · 18/07/2023 11:11

Drhollyfrazier · 18/07/2023 11:06

I absolutely agree.
None of my kids will ever be held back either. That is absolutely not up to the school in my eyes.

Show quote history

It is in law. Parental consent is not required for detentions if administered as laid out in the school behaviour policy.

Schools aren’t even required to give you notice.

ThrallsWife · 18/07/2023 11:14

I do agree that, in some cases, detentions are useless - some kids have multiple ones every day and it just becomes part of their school day, so has no effect on them anymore.

Other countries don't have detentions and they cope. But they have two main differences:

  1. Education is taken seriously and teachers are treated with respect by the public, the media, parents and therefore also students. Far less disruption in the first place.
  2. Students are allowed to fail without it being the teachers' fault. So students either do the work or they fail, in some cases having to repeat the year, in other cases facing shame for their families, in yet others facing a very bleak future indeed. So students don't prat about in lessons and, for the most part, actually do the work.
GrapeHyacinth · 18/07/2023 11:16

It's your parents who should have noticed your MH problems. It's harder for teachers to notice when they have far more kids to supervise and teach than a parent has to look after.

BrendaMcPherson · 18/07/2023 11:18

justpushingthrough · 18/07/2023 11:01

I dont know if its used here in Scotland ( my kids still in primary)

However, i can say with full conviction that none of my children will ever be kept in school detention against my will. No-one overrides my decisions when it comes to my child including detention.

🙄🙄🙄

HelterSkelter123 · 18/07/2023 11:18

Drhollyfrazier · 18/07/2023 11:06

I absolutely agree.
None of my kids will ever be held back either. That is absolutely not up to the school in my eyes.

Show quote history

Well it is..

If you disagree, home-school.