School detentions

[Drhollyfrazier]

They just don’t sit right with me at all. Teachers don’t want to be there so why do they insist on keeping children after school? I don’t understand where the mentality comes from that they can keep children there as a punishment past when they have to be there. Also lunch time detentions. Kids can have a break which would probably refresh them for the last few hours of the day but keeping them from their friends and a break from out of the classroom is surely only going to bring out an attitude and negative mood for the rest of the day.

When I was in high school 2007-13, I was often given detention for not completing homework, pretty much every week. That’s because I was so depressed during that time I wouldn’t get any sleep all night, having panic attacks, sometimes self harming. Every subjects teacher missed the warning signs of my MH and the response was detentions.

I just think it is absolutely not the right of schools to keep kids after school hours. aibu

Orrrrr, i could be one of these parents with academically high achieving children, who are also a part of a sport that requires them to train on average 12-15 hours a week right after school.

We have a family timetable that needs to be worked efficiently in order for everyone to get what they need out of the week and school detention does not fit in with this.

Rest assured discipline & manners are taken very seriously in our household but my child is not getting a detention if they are late due to something possibly outwith their control is not happening.

I’m a teacher (20 years’ experience) and a parent.

I’ve told my children’s school to let me know immediately of any poor behaviour and I will (a) support their sanctions in school and (b) sanction again at home. My eldest has autism and ADHD diagnoses, and I barely hear a peep from school. I guess it’s because school and I are working together to support my children.

I know which child of the previous two posters I’d rather teach.

Another experienced secondary teacher here.

My first teaching job was at the school where my husband had been a pupil! When that was discovered one of the old senior staff brought out a very dusty punishment book and showed me all the entries for him being caned for smoking, etc.!

However, i can say with full conviction that none of my children will ever be kept in school detention against my will. No-one overrides my decisions when it comes to my child including detention

Then good luck with secondary school! Do 'your decisions' also apply to what time your child must go to school, whether they have to do homework, whether to wear the correct uniform etc?

School need the support of parents for discipline to work. It you don't like that a school issues detentions, then you need to talk to the school ahead of time, or choose a different school. It's not fair on the school, or your child, if the rules don't apply equally to all children.

What you describe is a much better approach.

Swearing teachers / fighting / damaging property are all things that deserve consequences but detention for human error like not having pe kit / planner signed / forgotten pen is ridiculous.

Can you Imagine if you forgot your work lanyard etc and then at the end of the day you were put in a room with all the other naughty employees who’d forgotten theirs too/ similar offences. There’d be uproar.

Can you Imagine if you forgot your work lanyard etc and then at the end of the day you were put in a room with all the other naughty employees who’d forgotten theirs too/ similar offences. There’d be uproar

But there are consequences at work for poor planning, forgetting to do things, being persistently late, and so on. They may not be immediately apparent, but they will cause problems in the workplace, and with your ability to do your job well. School is just trying to teach these skills, and detentions are part of that. If you are telling your child that these things don't matter, then you are doing your child a disservice.

Absolutely agree. Allowances can and might be made for certain situations. We’ve had national level athletes and West End performers at my school but do you know what - never would their parents just outright refuse. Instead, on occasions, an alternative to a detention might be agreed.

Education is a partnership and not a pick and mix counter where you just ‘pick’ the things you like.

I doubt detention happens for the planner not signed once. Detention for repeating failing to do something after reminded numerous time is appropriate.

Indeed, there's like be a warning for a lanyard forgotten regularly. Hopefully though, after detention, the child becomes more focus and unlikely to have that same problem as an adult.

My kids school is pretty good.
If you don't do homework (and to be fair if you talk to the teacher they will usually give you an extension etc) if it isn't done you get a lunchtime detention in order to do the missing work.
That seems to be to be pretry straightforward way of getting the work done and handed in.

After school detentions are very rare and due to bad behaviour. The school has about 60% of kids coming in on school buses so after school detentions massively inconvenience families, and I think that is slightly the point, to make mum and dad engage with the behaviour at school.

But they are few and far between. By keeping them as a rare thing, and using other ways to deal with behaviour, then they are more effective.

These are all fair points.

The specific detention im talking about is in English law it appears there needs to be no notice given and children can be held regardless.

If my children ever behaved in certain ways been spoken here, aggression, vandalism etc then i would allow detention at a specific time agreed by both the school and I.

I think people are assuming im a freestyle floaty parent. Im far from it.
I fully support the schools right to discipline but it has to be a partnership between me and the school.

Totally agree OP my dc will absolutely not be attending detentions should she ever happen to get one

*Orrrrr, i could be one of these parents with academically high achieving children, who are also a part of a sport that requires them to train on average 12-15 hours a week right after school.

We have a family timetable that needs to be worked efficiently in order for everyone to get what they need out of the week and school detention does not fit in with this.

Rest assured discipline & manners are taken very seriously in our household but my child is not getting a detention if they are late due to something possibly outwith their control is not happening*

Why should your children be exempt from detentions just because they are high achieving and play sport after school? Why should the rules not apply to them, or should detention only apply to academically challenged children who do no extracurricular activities?

I agree it can be unfair of have a detention for one-off lateness that isn't the child's fault, but such is life. But many schools (at least in my experience) do lunchtime detentions for one-off offences (if at all), with after school detentions for repeat offenders.

Lunch time detentions would be fine.

Afterschool is an absolute no no, but then i just cant really imagine my children being in that position.

you say being late and forgetting things are little issues but my god, they really aren't within the school context; if a few stragglers turn up late to my lesson, it's disruptive, the class is waiting for them to settle in, they like to make a big song and dance about taking their coat off etc. if a couple do this, the lesson is off to a terrible start.
Same with forgetting stuff. How much of the lesson do you think should be spent handing out spare pens and pencils to those who've forgotten? Which they never return or just throw on the floor as they leave. Imagine a lesson like RE or History with very limited time as it is and EVERY LESSON is spent with the first ten minutes dealing with late comers and those who have 'only' forgotten equipment.

If my children ever behaved in certain ways been spoken here, aggression, vandalism etc then i would allow detention at a specific time agreed by both the school and I

Bloody hell, if my kids ever behaved in these ways, I would absolutely expect an instant detention, if not several ! I'd be raging with my children, and if they had to miss their sports club because of this, then so be it. I certainly wouldn't be negotiating with the school to change the time because it was inconvenient.

My DDs school has lots and lots of detentions, they are one of those 0 tolerance schools and when DD was struggling with her mental health they were very lenient on her. This was on your parents to communicate to the school and really, it's a shame you didn't have a trusted adult you could go to to share your worries. This isn't the average 13 year old though. Yes lots are struggling but it's still not the majority. Forgetting your kit and everything else is very disruptive and actually if a child is often in detention it's picked up by safeguarding in my school. Most teachers will try to figure out the problem. I don't see what else they can do to be honest, schools don't have the staff for restorative justice and even that doesn't work for most teens. I've worked in a school where that was in place! Did you actually work as a class teacher in a secondary school? Or on call?

Afterschool is an absolute no no, but then i just cant really imagine my children being in that position

Maybe they will, maybe they won't. I've got three (now adult) children, and they got five after school detentions between them, in a combined 21 years of school. So it wasn't too bad at all. But what I would never have done is questioned that, or asked to move the detention because it was inconvenient. It they did something to get a detention, they had to suck it up as far as I was concerned.

You sign up to a school, you have to abide by the rules in that school. If that includes an after school detention than that's what happens. It's not your wish. You can move them to a school that doesn't do them if you don't like it.

Yeah to be fair this is a kinda irrelevant discussion for me as the 3 high schools in our do not do detentions.

I’m a teacher and I think there should be a study on the success of students who support the school compared to those that don’t. I have a couple of students that are currently on managed moves, both of these have parents that refuse to accept their child is ever in the wrong. No homework, I can’t have given him a sheet (I did and it’s also on the school app). He was late, I can’t have noticed him in the room on time. He told me to fuck off when I asked him to empty his mouth, another student told him to say it. Their behaviour has got gradually worse and they both have had serious incidents with the police (together), ones parent can’t understand how her good little boy can do that and she never saw it coming, the other is insisting the police are making it up.

On the other hand, with students that know we are working together with parents and not following school rules and policies, that they have agreed to by attending here, there seems to be much more success as a result of this.

You are absolutely correct, I don’t want to stay after school, I also don’t want to spend my lunch with your child rather than going to the toilet/ setting up for next lesson, but I’m doing it because I believe in the long run it will improve your child’s behaviour meaning both they and other students can be in an environment where they can actively learn!

Yeah to be fair this is a kinda irrelevant discussion for me as the 3 high schools in our do not do detentions

So your 'I'd never allow a detention' is irrelevant, as you will never be in that situation. As a matter of interest, what do the 3 high schools do instead?

Ahh, another parent raising snowflakes.

Instead, try raising your kids to be responsible, reliable and resilient, and not to use excuses when they fuck up.

Then the obvious consequence of their detention is they have to miss the training and explain why to the coach. I am sure that would help motivate them to change there ways.

wpuld be a lot more effective than Mummy going to school saying everyone is far
to busy to follow the school rules!

Absolutely no idea, oldest going into high school next year so im sure ill find out.
I do know they do have seclusion rooms that pupils are sent to if they are sent out of class but thats all i know of just now.