To ask what the rudest thing your child has said to you in a melt down?

[DrSeuss84]

Tonight my very hormonal, 12 year old, pre teen told me to “shove off” when I made a joke about her playing with Lego instead of tidying her room. Quickly followed up with “you ruin everything”. It took me back a bit to be honest. It was completely out of character. It got me wondering 2 things:

1. is this normal teenage behaviour? Or is my child suddenly going off the rails?

2. what’s the worst thing your child has said in a rage.

I can't believe so many children would be so nasty and rude to their parents. I'm truly shocked at the language such young children would use to their Mum.

Especially the ones that aren't even having meltdowns 😆

It seems very bizarre to me that people take such offence at others using the word meltdown. Meltdowns are not unique to those who are ND, otherwise it would be a lot easier to diagnose people. However the frequency and triggers of them are very different. My youngest has had meltdowns, but she has probably had less in her entire life than ds has had in a day.

I'm too busy dealing with my own battles to worry about others use of language.

At 13 years old I was told to fuck off. I changed my parenting to teen mode after that - never heard it again.

This just shows a lack of knowledge about neurodiversity. Not blaming you, but most people don’t have a clue.

You're the one who's possessive over it 😂 I believe that everyone can use it.

No, I'm not, as I wouldnt use it except where appropriate.

Are you one of these people who declares themselves a ‘a bit OCD’ for perfectly typical cleaning habits as well…

Oh god, don't. I actually heard someone claim to be 'a bit autistic' because of their perfectly normal cleaning habits.

Some children find it difficult to rein in their words or regulate their emotions? Of course. So perhaps explain that they can be as rude as they like - but only on their own and in their bedrooms. One day, they will have to engage with infuriating adults, so children have to learn how to deal with others without using bad and inappropriate language. Even if they have their own businesses, they will have to interact with others. It's impossible never to be part of society unless you live on a desert island. Some children learn faster than others, but even so, they do have to learn social skills or they are going to have sad, lonely and difficult adult lives.

So perhaps explain that they can be as rude as they like - but only on their own and in their bedrooms. One day, they will have to engage with infuriating adults, so children have to learn how to deal with others without using bad and inappropriate language

dammit <slaps forehead> why did nobody tell me this before? It’s going to make SO much difference to how my autistic PDA son navigates the world! Won’t somebody just give @Snippysocks a Nobel prize already.

🙄

It’s genius advice, honestly it should come as a booklet when our kids got their diagnosis! I mean what a ‘ah duh’ moment for us with ND kids…

Life-changing 😂

So how do the thousands of parents with ND children deal with it?

@Snippysocks do you honestly think that we haven’t tried the eye-bleedingly-fucking-obvious stuff, like…explaining that their behaviour is disappointing and inappropriate, imposing consequences, removing toys and the like. Your posts imply that you think ND = bad parenting, which is offensive and ablist. And batshit.

I suspect 10 minutes with DS would be an eye-opener for you.

Is someone allowed to apologise on Mumsnet without being slated? If so - I apologise. I've just done a bit of research on autism and melt downs. Sorry. I was wrong.

I think this is one of the bloody hardest things to do in the world, takes a very rare sort of person to simply say ‘hey I talked about something I wasn’t fully aware of and after looking into it better I see from another perspective’. Wish there were more people like you around.

Meltdowns in the realest forms can happen to anyone, it’s the fact that when they happen they have to be recognised as a severe loss of emotional and possibly physical control and this primarily and often happens when someone is autistic/adhd or similar. Parents and those who are themselves ND need the language to distinguish the difference otherwise people do sneer at the thought of ‘having a meltdown’ being comparable to any other form of brief yet ultimately manageable loss of emotional control.

Thank you.

This is just my opinion formed through my personal experience but I think the most obvious difference between a meltdown and a tantrum is that in meltdown you lose the ability to keep yourself safe, which is not the case with a tantrum.

For example my 22 year old (the one who gave me a concussion) knows how to cross the road safely. In meltdown he would run in front of a bus without hesitation. He wouldn't even see it.

With a tantrum there is still some measure of control, of self preservation, danger awareness. That is absent during meltdown.

Nope, but I've said I've had meltdowns in the past, because I have! because anybody can have them.