Page 9 | Husband's kids have zero work ethic

NurseryNurse10 · 17/07/2023 18:30

I worked for someone who had a 7 year old who I nannied. Mum also had a 17 year old son who would be at the house from late June when he finished college, all the way through to October when he started uni. No job at all, just lounging around the house. Was a total nightmare. With that said, if isn't so easy just to get a job especially if heading back to uni in a few months. Not unless you are near theme parks or seasonal work opportunities. Which we were but I know many are not.

Janey331 · 17/07/2023 19:31

Herewego81 · 16/07/2023 10:34

I remembered your Name

going by all your pay threads you really really don’t like your step children, do you

@Herewego81 I don't blame her if they are entitled, lazy arses. The older one who just expects to come back from Uni and doss about whilst being funded for doing jack all is bang out of order, his father should be telling him he needs to get a job on his return.

Janey331 · 17/07/2023 19:34

tiredofthisshit21 · 16/07/2023 11:09

Don't most students work through uni though?

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@tiredofthisshit21 yes indeed, they should get a job whilst at Uni. A lot of 'kids' today don't grow up until they're in their 30s, expecting the bank of mum and dad to bankroll them. I don't blame you for being fed up of it.

Birdeegirl · 17/07/2023 19:38

I have been in a very deep depression today thinking about the school holidays it's actually nice to know someone else is also dreading them too. I can't offer any advice sadly on teens/young adults that don't work. Maybe only offer them money if they do chores etc? I can't see that working though to be honest. Kids are so spoilt these days and wangle themselves out of everything. Some can be so cheeky and even violent.
I honestly give up 🤷‍♀️ so sorry you're going through this it must cause havoc in your relationship 😌

Livelovebehappy · 17/07/2023 20:03

Screwballs · 17/07/2023 10:31

I love this mum brigade of expecting you should just tolerate shit you wouldn't take from your own because, somehow, being a step child is so different and they should be worshipped by all.

Imagine if MIL said she was coming to stay for the summer, sat on her arse letting you run round after her the entire time, didn't pay a penny towards herself but expected dinner on the table/food in the cupboard and couldn't even have the decency to keep the noise levels down while you continued to work at home to pay for all this. Slightly different story then.

They may be husbands children, that isn't a free pass for inconsideration and laziness. As a minimum I'd be insisting that they clean X, Y, Z everyday, cook dinner for everyone each working day, clear up after themselves and use headphones/shut room doors to keep noise contained. Frankly if i were the only one home, my SCs would not be spending their whole summer here. when my SCs are here, they are their dads responsibility. I cook, clean, wash etc but I am not a babysitter for their mother and father.

Why is the MIL being brought into this?? Stupid comparison, seeing as your home wouldn’t be the MILs home fgs., but obviously is the dsc’s home. If OPs dh is paying half the bills and joint living expenses, then whether he chooses to subsidise his dcs with his own money isn’t her concern. Not saying i agree with adult children sat around on their arses, but it isn’t OPs battle. Their home, just like it is hers.

JaneyB321 · 17/07/2023 20:15

Britishweatherisawful · 16/07/2023 13:55

Mumsnet vs Real life:

MN: It's their home too, they can do what they like.

Real life: They're visiting their dad.

MN: Step mum should be happy to contribute.

Real life: Step mum has no obligation to contribute.

MN: It's perfectly normal for a 17 year old and 22 year old to be supported.

Real life: 17 year old should have a part time job and 22 year old should be making a full time job priority.

OP, you should not have to feel uncomfortable in your own home. If your husband isn't at home, they don't need to be there. I hope your husband sees sense soon. It's frustrating when someone else kids can't be arsed to work, but expect it handed to them, which then affects your finances.

Spot on, 100%. ✅️

Mademetoxic · 17/07/2023 20:22

PinkiOcelot · 16/07/2023 10:39

Well you know what happens to those who expect? They’re disappointed!

where is their mother? Do they live with you?

the 22 year old definitely needs to be looking for a full time job in his field of study and the 17 year old just needs a part time job stacking shelves or something.

Why does it have to be in his field of study? Any job will do. A job is a job.

celticprincess · 17/07/2023 20:28

When I was 16 I got a Saturday job once my GCSEs were finished. There wasn’t much holiday work but up until I went to uni I did work weekends. It seems harder for kids to get Saturday jobs these days though as shops don’t employ week day people and then Saturday people like they used to. Shops open 7 days so staff work 5 days on rotas or cover part time all the hours needed. It probably depends what work is like in your area as to expectations. Perhaps they could be encouraged to volunteer for a charity over the summer a couple of days a week to get out and a sense of work ethic??

Mumof2teens79 · 17/07/2023 23:33

tiredofthisshit21 · 16/07/2023 10:57

@Sweetashunni of course, but always out. My frustration is that neither of them ever go anywhere, they literally don't leave the house on days they're here. I don't think it's healthy, and it makes me feel like my home is not my own to relax in.

Completely agree they should go out, but for their sake not yours.
Maybe they can't afford it?
I only worked bits and bobs in my holidays, their was no expectation to do it. And then my parents supported me until I found a permanent job.

Mumof2teens79 · 17/07/2023 23:40

tiredofthisshit21 · 16/07/2023 11:09

Don't most students work through uni though?

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No, not at all. Although I think it's more common than it was.
I only worked holidays.

I would absolutely encourage them to get a job. Not sure I would insist, or resent them for not.

dayslikethese1 · 19/07/2023 22:06

These replies are interesting, is it unusual for teens to work these days? Asking genuinely because when I was at school me and all my friends had Saturday jobs and then later summer jobs and that wasn't that long ago (early 2000s). Has it completely changed now?

dayslikethese1 · 19/07/2023 22:08

*teens/students

RogersOrganismicProcess · 19/07/2023 22:43

Two of my late teens work. Their reputable 6th form college recommends 8-12 hours part time work to give them a more rounded experience before applying for uni. They seem perfectly happy and like they’ve gained in confidence as a result.

Seymour5 · 20/07/2023 06:49

@RogersOrganismicProcess I would totally support that idea. Teen granddaughter is doing just that. She starts 6th form college in September, she’s already ahead of the game!

Trishsenior · 04/08/2024 18:45

tiredofthisshit21 · 16/07/2023 10:27

I have two DSS, aged 17 & 22. Neither of them have any desire to get a job. Am currently dreading the summer hols when the 17yo will be in the house all day while I WFH and DH is in the office. 22yo is coming back after finishing his masters and expecting to be supported financially. I feel done with it all - my own adult child (20) is working in uni town all summer and not expecting anything from me.

AIBU to have DH speak to them both about finding work?

At 17 and 22 years old they are adults that need money coming in to feed an cloth them. How do they realise how that is possible??

TemuSpecialBuy · 04/08/2024 18:47

tiredofthisshit21 · 16/07/2023 10:53

They don't live with us FT but we share all household costs 50/50 so it does mean I am subsidising to some extent.

Just change this so it doesn’t impact you and you can stop giving it headspace

DH has to kick in an extra £150 pm or whatever…

Trishsenior · 04/08/2024 18:48

JaneyB321 · 17/07/2023 20:15

Spot on, 100%. ✅️

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Spit on. These kids need to get a sense of reality. You aren't their real parent either. X

Trishsenior · 04/08/2024 18:49

Superdupes · 16/07/2023 11:07

They have zero work ethic but one's a child and the other's just finished a masters degree - ok OP.

This isn't about work ethic, you just don't want your husbands kids around you. Honestly you sound absolutely awful.

Sorry you don't get this. They aren't her kids to 'finance'.....

Trishsenior · 04/08/2024 18:51

ButterCrackers · 16/07/2023 13:10

The dad and biological
mum should pay up 100% and you should pay nothing. The bills and food and accommodation expenses should be refunded to you. Make an estimate and tell your dh that he’s paying this back to you. There are jobs to be had.

I agree biological should pay everything.

Krumblina · 04/08/2024 19:03

Everyone I knew that didn't go home over summer had a terrible relationship with their parents.

Newmumatlast · 04/08/2024 19:10

tiredofthisshit21 · 16/07/2023 10:57

@Sweetashunni of course, but always out. My frustration is that neither of them ever go anywhere, they literally don't leave the house on days they're here. I don't think it's healthy, and it makes me feel like my home is not my own to relax in.

If they were your own children I bet you wouldn't be talking about them being there meaning your home didn't feel your own to relax in. So yabu. You chose to be with a man with children and in a financial set up where you share household expenses and with him having children he shares and therefore who share your home. You don't like it, don't choose that set up. I say that as a step mum myself

Butchyrestingface · 04/08/2024 19:18

Well, it’s a year on since OP posted so maybe she can come back to this zombie thread with an update.

🧟 🧟‍♀️ 🧟‍♂️

Original poster

tiredofthisshit21 · 05/08/2024 07:19

Butchyrestingface · 04/08/2024 19:18

Well, it’s a year on since OP posted so maybe she can come back to this zombie thread with an update.

🧟 🧟‍♀️ 🧟‍♂️

Eldest has a FT job now. Youngest doesn't, although he is finally looking for one.

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 05/08/2024 12:14

tiredofthisshit21 · 05/08/2024 07:19

Eldest has a FT job now. Youngest doesn't, although he is finally looking for one.

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That's a 50% improvement on last year then. Hope things are going better.