Husband's kids have zero work ethic

[tiredofthisshit21]

I have two DSS, aged 17 & 22. Neither of them have any desire to get a job. Am currently dreading the summer hols when the 17yo will be in the house all day while I WFH and DH is in the office. 22yo is coming back after finishing his masters and expecting to be supported financially. I feel done with it all - my own adult child (20) is working in uni town all summer and not expecting anything from me.

AIBU to have DH speak to them both about finding work?

@SeulementUneFois that sounds very controlling and almost abusive. They are adults. Plus how are they supposed to search for jobs with no internet?

This is what I did at 17. I didn't have the confidence to get a job that summer but I did cook (for 6) every day in the week, do the laundry (for 6) and walk the dog every day. And from recollection it was still a glorious summer of swimming with friends and lounging in back gardens in the sun.

@pleasedontoutmeguys
That's just a made up 'oh what about the children ' line that you've just made up to try and put the OP and anyone who supports her back in her box.
In reality what they're doing is playing video games and screeching while the person paying for the house, OP, is trying to work.
They can search for jobs in the evening.
Or maybe try to earn the internet by cleaning up after themselves rather than expecting OP to cook and clean for two grown adults who expect maid service.

that is easily changed.
have lost with expectations for them to complete by end of day. they're only there 3 days a week :s

@tiredofthisshit21

If they weren't your step children and were posting this I can guarantee most reply's would be to tell them to get off their asses and get a job

My dc both had summer jobs from 15 and one has now finished college and is working full time in that job until uni next year (gap year for some life experience) and the other is grown up and earning a very good salary working hard for a house.

We made it very clear to them that they wouldn't be lounging as young adults while we picked up the slack financially or any other way.

How things have changed.
I moved out of home at 18 and had to work in my career very hard to get where I am like many of our age group but it seems to have slipped by some people who are banging their young adults and then wonder why this generation don't want to work

Unless they are taking GCSEs late/at college a 17 year old will be at the end of Y12 at school, regardless of whether they are an autumn or summer born.

They will not be either just finishing GCSEs or just finishing A-Levels.

Loads of jobs round here. Only the private school teens from wealthy families don’t work everyone else’s are.

YANBU especially if their Dad isn't even around and the house was yours before you even got together with him. I would stress it is your working space and they have to keep the noise down. If their Dad isn't even there why can't they stay with their mum?

I wouldn't be picking up after them or shopping for snacks or cooking for them. They are adults or almost adult at 17. My own DDs were doing summer jobs from 16 too and when home from Uni. Some people raise very entitled youngsters. Your husband is the one who needs to tell them to pull their weight around the house. You are not the housekeeper.

YANBU both of them should be cooking dinner for the family if they are doing nothing all day, they should be unpacking a dishwasher and picking up after themselves. They should also be making cups of coffee or tea for those who are working and making lunch too. My two children do this, they are 20 and 17.

Why are people defending their laziness? I can understand the frustration at the no job bit but to be fair the eldest has just finished their masters, hardly like they have sat on their arse for the last 4 years. And no not all students have a job, some do for necessity and some do for beer/party funds which includes my niece.

Their Dad should be talking to them about respecting the house, I wonder if they do the same at their Mum's house, ie noise when work is going on.

*If they weren't your step children and were posting this I can guarantee most reply's would be to tell them to get off their asses and get a job"

Agreed

I asked eldest what his plans were and he said he was just gonna chill for a bit
What's 'a bit'? Could be 3 months, could be 2 weeks. Why are you assuming that he won't do anything for months?

It sounds like your assumptions are borne out of frustration of having to share your home 24h half of the week out of fear they can indeed turn out to be real. Or do you have clear indications that indeed, he is unlikely to look for work until forced?

I haven’t read the full thread but OP you should know that on MN you should roll out the red carpet for SC . If you object to anything such as laziness , mess etc you clearly don’t like your SC .
It’s utter madness .
I agree with PP, if these were your own DC , you would be asked why they don’t have jobs and why they aren’t doing chores .
I have DC , DSDC, DGC and DSGC and none of them would be allowed to behave like that ! My 18yr old SGC and 16 year old DGC both have summer jobs while 15 year old DSGD is earning some money doing odd jobs for neighbours .
YANBU.

I don’t think it’s fair to say they have “no work ethic” one is 17 and one has just finished a masters.

They are there 3 days a week because it’s their home 3 days a week as that’s where their dad lives.

If mum and dad are happy for the 17 year old to not get a summer job, then really that’s up to them.

The 22 year old should be looking for a job, but he’s just finished his masters so if he wants to have a few weeks of chill time then I’d say that’s reasonable.

I don’t think you actually care about their “work ethic” you just don’t want them in your house 3 days a week. Which is something you should have considered before letting the dad move in. Your bed, you lie in it.

@vivainsomnia I'm basing my assumption on the fact that the 22yo has refused to look for work on any of his summer breaks so far, preferring to spend all his time sleeping and gaming, and his brother is just the same to be honest.

@Mylovelygreendress oh yeah, I know. Water off a duck's back. It's why I didn't post in Step Parenting but hasn't really made a difference.

Getting a job on his summer breaks is different from getting a job after he’s graduated.

What do you want people to say? All pile on this thread with hate for them? Your Step children are horrible litttle shits with no work ethic, lazy as fuck and they should be forced out at 8am each day with copies of their CV and not be allowed back till they find something?
Oh and you own daughter is pure perfection in every way.

Your home is not just your own. You share it with your "D"SSs, although it doesn't actually sound like you think they're very "dear." You're begrudging a 17 year old the fact that he (checks notes) lives in his own house over the summer???

I would also begrudge two adults screeching on video games while I was trying to work, and then expecting to be waited on and not lifting a finger to help around the house.

God knows that you see enough threads like that from mothers at the end of their tether.

Obv they need to get jobs to pay for social lives as a minimum

I had a paper round 11-15

At 15 I worked at my local
Coop - think it was 2 nights a week as all was allowed 4-8

increased hours at 16 while I was full time at college and did 2/3 evenings 4-8 and Saturday 9/5 during the 2yrs at college

This was in 1989 so 34yrs ago when shops shut at 8pm

I left coop at 18 once I had a full time job in my career that I trained for at college

There are many jobs to be had - usually cleaning - waitress - supermarkets

What does dad think op? Does he feel they should get summer /part time jobs

OP, I can well imagine your annoyance.

Kindly meant but you need to take back control.

No gaming at ALL during your working day.

I have a 19 and 23 year old so I know the noise. One has a pitch that the dogs three roads over can hear🙄.

No way would I tolerate that during the working day.

Secondly tell your husband HE is responsible for all shopping and cooking while they are here.

Leave the mess but tell your husband the minute he comes in the door to get on it.

No way would I be picking up after my sons leaving their mess about.

As for the jobs?

Yes they have summer jobs at university.
They are on sun holidays at the moment but do work for most of the summer, like their friends.

They actually like earning their own money and as someone who always had part time jobs, we actively encouraged them.

Your daughter sounds like a great young women, you have every reason to be proud of her.

Summer work and part time jobs are the making of young people.

Nothing like seeing how hard some people work for shit money to give them a taste of the real world and increase their motivation to do well at university.

Part time work, particularly those jobs that are dealing with the public are massively confidence building, adding skills that will stay with you.

Regarding the mess they leave around, my friend used to gather anything left lying about into black bags and throw them into the garage.

She said they weren't long getting the message to keep their stuff in their rooms!

*Summer work and part time jobs are the making of young people.

Nothing like seeing how hard some people work for shit money to give them a taste of the real world and increase their motivation to do well at university.

Part time work, particularly those jobs that are dealing with the public are massively confidence building, adding skills that will stay with you.*

Thanks @billy1966 - 100% agree with all of this.

That's exactly what I was wondering while wading through her defensive responses against anyone who disagreed with her. Why post on a forum and ask if you're unreasonable if you're just going to fight with all the very many people who say, well, yes, actually, I do think that's unreasonable? It seems like a terrible waste of time for all involved and no one can help someone who doesn't want help and instead only wants to be right or to be a martyr complaining/venting and wanting sympathy but not to change anything. So, I'm leaving this thread. OP, start looking within, or into the mirror, for change, as that's where the answer lies, but it doesn't seem to be answers you want. Not really sure what you want and your posts make me feel really bad for your stepsons, and your daughter too actually, so, good luck and all of that, but, there's nothing else to be said here.

22 and already done a masters?
amazing

It’s the OP’s house!

18-21 Bachelors degree.
21-22 Masters degree (they’re a single academic year, full time)

What’s so hard to believe about that?

@Hibiscrubbed
did i say i didnt believe it?