Husband's kids have zero work ethic

[tiredofthisshit21]

I have two DSS, aged 17 & 22. Neither of them have any desire to get a job. Am currently dreading the summer hols when the 17yo will be in the house all day while I WFH and DH is in the office. 22yo is coming back after finishing his masters and expecting to be supported financially. I feel done with it all - my own adult child (20) is working in uni town all summer and not expecting anything from me.

AIBU to have DH speak to them both about finding work?

Oh behave. Your spite is pathetic. 😂

and I also agree with the poster who said this:

If they weren't your step children and were posting this I can guarantee most reply's would be to tell them to get off their asses and get a job

Just see how it goes before rushing to judgement. I never had a part-time job while still at school and I am in Ireland so had 3 months off to literally do nothing bar hanging out with mates, this was back in the 90s. When I finished secondary I got part-time jobs when I was in uni and also went away for summers to work in America and Europe. The 22 year old probably needs a bit of downtime to get some headspace and figure out what they want to do. They have been in full-time education since they were 4 so give them a chance, they are not just on summer holidays they need to figure out the direction of their future and getting stuck in a mindless temporary job isn't always a good thing. As others have said a Masters is very full on so they are probably exhausted.

As for the 17 year old I wouldn't be expecting them to get a p/t job if they didn't want one but I would expect them to be contributing to chores in the house so get your dh to do a weekly schedule with them

I love this mum brigade of expecting you should just tolerate shit you wouldn't take from your own because, somehow, being a step child is so different and they should be worshipped by all.

Imagine if MIL said she was coming to stay for the summer, sat on her arse letting you run round after her the entire time, didn't pay a penny towards herself but expected dinner on the table/food in the cupboard and couldn't even have the decency to keep the noise levels down while you continued to work at home to pay for all this. Slightly different story then.

They may be husbands children, that isn't a free pass for inconsideration and laziness. As a minimum I'd be insisting that they clean X, Y, Z everyday, cook dinner for everyone each working day, clear up after themselves and use headphones/shut room doors to keep noise contained. Frankly if i were the only one home, my SCs would not be spending their whole summer here. when my SCs are here, they are their dads responsibility. I cook, clean, wash etc but I am not a babysitter for their mother and father.

Taking a few weeks off after completing a masters is one thing, which I bet the OP might be open to in a normal situation.

However, I suspect it is the preceeding years of mess, doing nothing around the house, expecting to be fed and watered while they roar whilst gaming, are the real issues here, which she is quite rightly allergic to.

And this is HER house, which I sincerely hope is being left in its entirety to HER daughter.

Funny how men always manage to find a working solvent house owning women to house them and their children🙄.

I sincerely hope your daughter never felt pushed out of HER own home.

So you would all be happy with your biological kids being treated like the OP's DSS's? Wow. When they only live there three days a week.

At 22, he doesnt need to be living there at all. If he wants a masters - Fab. Bloody well pay for it all rather than leeching off the woman that married your dad. and its not 3 days a week, it'll be the whole of summer. Where is their mother in all this? Kids are lazy arseholes, I bet if being at their mums was the easier option they'd be there. As it stands, I bet daddy runs around wiping their arses and they know its a far better ride at his house, not having any expectations of being decent human beings.

The 22 year old should have a job lined up tbh. If he's done a degree and a master's he should be competent enough to find a job of some sort. Chilling out for weeks/ months after Uni would not impress me as an employee.
The 17 year old might need some support but still needs to look for work if only for his cv.
I wouldn't be bankrolling them, I'd be paying less of the bills and expecting at least the older one to contribute otherwise he'll be there forever and it won't be good for your relationship.

"Don't most students work through uni though?"

Nope. DS did a few TA hours in his subject in his third or fourth year while studying for his masters but didn't work out of the university. Holidays were for decompressing, and as our only child we were happy to feed him and take him on holidays with us. He lived in our basement flat on two occasions for two of the four years due to a relationship breakdown and Covid cancelling his year abroad when we also supported him, but for the other two years he lived in two different shared houses. We helped him with his rent when we could as his maintenance loan wouldn't cover this and he learned to budget. Not interested in spending money on clothes or clubbing. He is a lovely young man and not entitled in the slightest. When he graduated, we encouraged him to claim Jobseekers / UC while he job-searched for a graduate post in his field. He used part of this time to train himself in a specific area of his subject and he got his dream job after a few months, turning down two others at the same time. He moved to London, passed his probationary periods with flying colours, has received bonuses and is now helping to onboard new recruits in less than nine months. Nothing wrong with his work ethic.

tiredofthisshit21 · 30/01/2022 13:01

It's a no from me, in that I wouldn't have married and moved in with my husband until the kids had all left home. Bottom line for me is I just don't like other people's kids in my house.

I think you say it best yourself OP from a previous thread in 2022.

It's clear from your posts you despise your step children, thats fair enough, maybe you should leave your husband then. But I'd stop making threads to try to get other people to pile on with the hate too. Do they make you feel better that other people think they are lazy nuisances too?

lol at you hunting through old posts to back up your point. Why not ignore the fact its step children and consider if this would be reasonable if they were bio? Or have you not the capacity to have an unbiased opinion?

If they weren't your step children and were posting this I can guarantee most reply's would be to tell them to get off their asses and get a job

I doubt given the fact that a lot of these replies are from people whose own teens and students don't have jobs.

I was at university a decade ago and none of my friends or housemates had jobs. We all survived on student loans plus help from parents. Even at sixth form barely anyone had jobs unless they were paying for driving lessons or a car.

@Screwballs you are the OP aren't you?

Nope, just another SM used to this unbelievable level of judgement and fuckery from ex wives.

Wouldn’t expect 17 year old to get a job if he is going back to school for A levels.

22 year old, let him have the summer to relax. But yes after that he should get a job.

Even taking out the step parent angle this would annoy me! I am instigating rules for my own teens this summer if they are loafing about while we are working they cook tea and do everyone’s laundry. I flipping well did as a teen!

The fact so many people seem proud of making actual children work several hours (especially the one going on about a 14 year old having 3 jobs) is frankly worrying. Wasn't us moving away from child labour a positive step?

And hospitality jobs are moving more towards 18+ across all roles so they can move them into roles involving alcohol if short staffed, which they can also do because there are so many people waiting for jobs.

Plus the number of jobs that want experience even for the most basic of jobs.

17 year old is a child.

22 year old has done a Masters. They aren't fucking lazy if they've done that!

You clearly resent them. That's your problem.

They are most definitely lazy and entitled if they don't lift a finger to help out around the house and expect to be waited on hand and foot while spending their days screeching while playing video games.

They should be helping around the house though @AnObserverInThisDarkWorld ?

Unless there are financial issues a 17 year old still in full time education doesn't need to get a job. There's nothing immoral about just enjoying the summer holidays at that age, there are years ahead to be an adult. I was actually not allowed to work as a teenager for this reason (among others) and here I am with a job, mortgage etc now.

Oh ye. They should be helping at home. But that's not the same as apparently having no work ethic because at 17 and whilst doing a Masters they don't have a job

You feel done with it all?

Well, you have joined their family unit. You made that choice. You sound resentful.

I find it really interesting how different everyone's opinions can be. Generally I think my opinions are pretty mainstream, but then every so often I realise that maybe they’re not. This thread is one of those times. (General elections are generally the other) 😂

I would be quite surprised to see a CV from a graduate who hadnt done any kind of job. And I would see that as a negative.

(Unless they had done some very impressive hobby/voluntary work -and even then I managed to work, play a university team level sport and volunteer ... And get a first class degree back when they were very rare... And party plenty.. .. but then I take the view life is to short to spend it lazing in front of the TV)

I think the culture of teens died when it became harder to get such jobs.pandemic and brexit has changed that and there are now more vacancies than ever before. But before 2020 most busi were not interested in hiring teens. Yes, it was different in the 90s. So am not surprised that they might not assume they should be getting one.