Husband's kids have zero work ethic

[tiredofthisshit21]

I have two DSS, aged 17 & 22. Neither of them have any desire to get a job. Am currently dreading the summer hols when the 17yo will be in the house all day while I WFH and DH is in the office. 22yo is coming back after finishing his masters and expecting to be supported financially. I feel done with it all - my own adult child (20) is working in uni town all summer and not expecting anything from me.

AIBU to have DH speak to them both about finding work?

They have zero work ethic but one's a child and the other's just finished a masters degree - ok OP.

This isn't about work ethic, you just don't want your husbands kids around you. Honestly you sound absolutely awful.

Mine are similar ages and I am happy to support them and let them have a break after working hard on their studies this year
My decision to make

Your approach and your husband’s approach seem very different,you need to discuss this with him and try and reach a compromise

Don't most students work through uni though?

Don’t think OP sees it that way

I agree they should be working and contributing to the running of the house.

I also agree there seems to be some resentment about them generally living with you and I think you need to resolve that for all your well-being's sake.

Some courses don't allow for it. My daughters doesn't.

Some do some don't. It is a compete mixed bag with ds's friends.

Agree with pp this isn't about the kids work ethic or what is best for them it is 100% about you not wanting them in your home acting the way you want with no recognition it is also your dh and their home.

So a 17yo in full time education should be contributing?

This. Exactly how OP comes across.

I didn’t work during my masters. In fact we were actively encouraged not to work because it was very intense, getting a degree in one year is no small feat. I came home after and was unemployed for about 6 weeks until I got a temp job in an office whilst I looked for something I wanted to do. Give them a chance. Have they actually said they’re expecting to come home and not work at all for the foreseeable?

Have they actually said they’re expecting to come home and not work at all for the foreseeable?

I asked eldest what his plans were and he said he was just gonna chill for a bit.

They do nothing around the house. If I sound resentful it probably comes from having to pick up after two more adults.

I don't think op would feel so resentful if they were out and about rather than at home all day, getting a job is obviously one way they would be out of the house and unburden the financial aspect.

I agree for the 17 year old but not the 22 year old. The latter is a proper adult and they need to fund themselves not laze around the house

There's your issue OP why are you picking up after them ?
No wonder they want to live at home.
Stop being a martyr

@Bogofftosomewherehot yes of course. It doesn't have to be financially it could be doing housework or at least picking up after himself. Why does he get a free pass at 17?

You need a house rota and they pitch in. Where I live parents can't afford to fully keep adult children, so it isn't something I come across. They might house and feed them, for a while, but nothing else. You need to agree with your DH how long you both are going to substadise the eldest for, then it comes just out of your DH's money. The youngest should get help until out of education, but again most young people are in part time work.

This

If they have no work ethic that's because they've been brought up given everything

Maybe it would help to separate out what is reasonable and what is not? I would say reasonable that it's their home, but they do a share of cooking/cleaning etc, especially if not working, and if they want extra spending money, they go out and find a way to earn it.

14yo DS didn't want to do any courses or activities this summer. He has a list of tasks to complete before we go on holiday and then he'll have spending money. I just wanted to introduce the concept that life is not a free ride. He's getting the hang of it and just went out and got himself a paper round.

I did a master's myself and know many people who did. All had to write and submit a dissertation by September and the summer months were intense doing so. I remember it being one of my most stressful time. I worked but I was older and really did my dissertation during my working hours as it was part of it.

Are you sure it's not the case for the eldest? At 17, it would be great to have a summer job. Some do, many don't. Those who do are usually helped by their parents to get one.

If 22 year old has just finished a masters, presumably he is looking for a job related to that? Lots of newly graduated students haven't found something yet and are under a lot of pressure to do so. If he has no intention of looking then of course that is a problem, but seems unlikely after all that work.

What is the 17 year old doing? If he is going into Year 13 then it's six weeks holiday and back to school so not the end of the world. My son never got a job of any description until he graduated with a masters and his first job was very highly paid.

Potentially you are being a bit harsh.

When my DD was 17 she did have a part time job one evening a week in term time and then in the holidays she was able to do a few more hours there during the day. That still left her with a lot of free time and much of that she spent around the house. Why wouldn't she? It's her hone.

She didn't do a masters, but after finishing her degree it was six months before she found her "proper" graduate job. During that time she had the occasional seasonal job but she was living at home and we didn't expect a financial contribution. Once she got her proper full time job then obviously she paid her own way. I don't think it is unusual to support your DC like this.

I'm not convinced there are many jobs for teenagers. My 17 year old has been applying for a year and can't even get an interview.
Besides one has just finished uni and one is still in education, it's not like they're 40 and refusing to work

It must depend on where you live. We are surrounded by McDonald's, other fast food places, supermarkets, warehouses, discount shops etc that all the teens I know are working in. Turn 18 and hospitality will take them on. If you aren't rural perhaps redo his CV.