Husband's kids have zero work ethic

[tiredofthisshit21]

I have two DSS, aged 17 & 22. Neither of them have any desire to get a job. Am currently dreading the summer hols when the 17yo will be in the house all day while I WFH and DH is in the office. 22yo is coming back after finishing his masters and expecting to be supported financially. I feel done with it all - my own adult child (20) is working in uni town all summer and not expecting anything from me.

AIBU to have DH speak to them both about finding work?

Why? Because she had a social life, and a job. Is that not healthy?

I think you need to give them a chance to find some work. There are plenty of hospitality jobs around so it shouldn't be a problem.

But yes I would expect a 17yo to work at least part time during the summer. I started at 13, cleaning a pub.

Ask them directly what sort of jobs they are looking for this summer. Make it an assumption that they will look for work. Keep an eye out for pubs and shops advertising for summer help, and tell them what you find.

Whatever you do, don't cook for them, tidy their rooms or do their washing. They don't need that sort of help.

A 17 year-old yes they should be funded by parents. They are still a minor.

I'd think it bizarre that anyone expected otherwise.

17 isn't an adult

This.

It's their home, their dad is supporting them. I don't see the issue, it's normal parenting.

Just don't pick up after them.

Why do people think a 17 year old has just finished GCSEs? I assume he's half-way through the sixth form.

If he was a July/August baby, he'll have finihed his A Levels and left school.

A 17 year-old yes they should be funded by parents.

OP isn't his parent.

Why is the 22 year old coming back to your house, rather than his mother's (which I assume is/was his family home/primary residence)? How much of their summer holiday will be spent at your house?

My daughter started working at 14 at weekends. Most of her friends have weekend jobs outside the home - sports coaching, pet sitting/dog walking, babysitting, running coffee stalls at sport, helping at kids' clubs etc - they are a very enterprising bunch! There's really no excuse for either of these older children to be sitting around all holiday being unproductive, especially the 22 year old.

Op said they don't live with her FT.

She'd rather they didn't live with her at all

I know what she said, which is why I'm asking her how much of their holiday will actually be at her house, and whether their mum's house is their primary "base", such that her concerns about them being under her feet all the time are unfounded.

The mad stepmother bashers are out in force, I see.

I’m generally against children in full time education having term-time jobs if it can be avoided. On average, those who work have poorer grades.

The 17 year old shouldn’t have to pay towards household costs but it’s not unreasonable for him to get a summer job if he’s expecting his social life to be funded.

The 22 year old - he’s an adult so he needs a job, but I find it hard to believe he has no intention of getting one. Surely he doesn’t expect to live off his parents forever?

Three days a week.

I would be so proud if a child of mine had done a masters.

OP; does your dh not do any housework either?

I’m generally against children in full time education having term-time jobs if it can be avoided. On average, those who work have poorer grades

do you have any links to research?

@Baconisdelicious

Yeap. We were dirt poor and my mum was totally against us working while studying. It always strikes me as a very American tradition.

I think as OP has avoided explaining what the 17 year old is doing, he must be in his school / college holidays rather than lazing about with no ambition. In other words, the very opposite of a lack of work ethic.

And same for the 22 year old who has just completed a masters.

@5foot5 so your opinion, then?

sorry wrong person!

I don't really understand why they're still doing some kind of 50/50 custody arrangement at their age.

I know loads of divorced families, and when the kids were post 16 they lived in their main residence and just visited their dad when they wanted (obviously in some families they live with dad but in the case of my friends all live with mum)

These two going to a different house just to doss around for three days, what's the point?

And no OP, YANBU to expect them to do something useful and contribute to your household, even the 17 year old "child".

It's starting to sound like you're jealous that they have the summer off and you have to carry on working as normal 🙈

It's not unusual for a 17yo not to work and the eldest has just completed a Masters so presumably hasn't had the time to work.

If they want some time off then that's their decision. Lock yourself in your office while you work and let them get on with it. You don't need to pick up after them or take them anywhere.

sound like the classic evil stepmother.

17 year old is a kid and as you are married to his dad you are partly responsible for him until he leaves full time education. He doesn't need to get a job, there's plenty of time for that when he is an ADULT.

Those saying they worked from age 13...poor you! that's nothing to show off about and find it very sad.

It's none of your business OP, wind your neck in and give it a rest.

I honestly find it very surprising that so many people don't encourage their kids to get part time jobs and think it's ok to have them lazing around the house all day every day. It stands them in good stead later in life - that's what I believe, anyway.

I will be locking myself in my office. But it gets very wearing having to tell them to keep the noise down when they're gaming with their mates and yelling at their screens when I'm in meetings.

And to the poster who doesn't understand why we're still doing contact arrangements at their age: I completely agree.

Completely my business when it disrupts my home.