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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

483 replies

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:42

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

OP posts:
SpeckledlyHen · 14/07/2023 16:46

I don't understand the bit about deciding to go part time to four days a week which will reduce her income. If she is part time now and going to go to four days a week surely that will raise her income?

Ilikewinter · 14/07/2023 16:48

Despite your worry for her I think you need to keep out of this one.
She obviously think/knows that she can cover the monthly mortgage, until 2027 anyway. And to sell and downsize will cost her money. Maybe her plan is to ride out the next year and then reconsider what she does?.

MsInsomniac · 14/07/2023 16:48

Her world has just fallen apart. Give her time to think properly. Selling and moving house decisions on top of suddenly finding herself a lone parent is a lot to process. She needs you to support her not worry her with what ifs and opinions - when she’s ready and has seen how things are working out I’m sure she will be able to make a decision re housing and costs.

OwlBabiesAreCute · 14/07/2023 16:49

Depending on location that may not be too bad. Could she get lodgers?

Original poster
daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:51

I just hope she doesn’t turn to us to help meet the payments. She is saying that figure is reasonable nowadays for the size of the house etc and she wants to hold on to the asset… that’s all fine but at 1,100 a month it doesn’t strike me as realistic! If we had known that was the repayment when she bought the house we would have told her that was too much but sadly we weren’t informed at the time.

OP posts:
Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 16:51

She will be getting a lot in benefits op

see for yourself on the benefit calculators

Netcam · 14/07/2023 16:52

It depends. If her earnings are low, she will get some universal credit to top it up. A single mother caring for a young child alone is not necessarily expected to work full time hours to receive universal credit. On top of that, the child maintenance will be paid at the rate of the CMS calculation if she does not go through the court. If she has a rough idea of his salary she can put it into the CMS calculator and see how much she would receive. www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance
I was a single parent with a mortgage working part time for 5 years when my children were young and I managed.

CatStankShame · 14/07/2023 16:53

If we had known that was the repayment when she bought the house we would have told her that was too much but sadly we weren’t informed at the time

Why do you think you were entitled to know this, or could have say on whether she proceded?

Hollyppp · 14/07/2023 16:53

£1000 a month mortgage is pretty normal not wildly expensive.
it all depends on her income.

strange that your concern isn’t for your daughter but for yourself if you might get asked to support her through a difficult patch.

3WildOnes · 14/07/2023 16:54

£1100 isn't a particularly large mortgage. Moving costs thousands and thousands in solicitors fees as well as stamp duty. It is also incredibly stressful.

NewmummyJ · 14/07/2023 16:54

What is your daughters income? Is she earns 100k then a drop of 1 day and a mortgage of 1100 is not unfeasible. Sounds like she needs your support during this very difficult time, so containing your anxiety regarding finances may be beneficial to your daughter.

RoseBucket · 14/07/2023 16:54

Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 16:51

She will be getting a lot in benefits op

see for yourself on the benefit calculators

Bit of a presumption? She might be in a good wage. And benefits do not cover a mortgage.

Original poster
daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:55

@Hollyppp obviously concerned for our daughter and as we wouldn’t be in a position to help it is added worry for us.

OP posts:
Yfory · 14/07/2023 16:55

Hard to say without knowing how much she earns.
Personally I would move just because I wouldnt want the cleaning/upkeep needed for a 4 bed place when a 2 bed would be fine. Far less cleaning, heating bills, lower council tax, water bill AND a lower mortgage in a two bed place.
But thats me........ and not your daughter. If she thinks she can afford it then perhaps she can?

Summerslimtime · 14/07/2023 16:55

People are paying much more for much less house. Rent would probably be the same or more. At least that figure is fixed for the foreseeable. Maybe she knows that she can afford the 4 days.

Original poster
daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:55

@NewmummyJ we are not sure, we think around 40,000.

OP posts:
Original poster
daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:56

@Yfory yes exactly, we are worried she is not considering the running costs etc alone. Our energy bill last November was 300. I doubt it will be cheaper this year.

OP posts:
Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 16:56

RoseBucket · 14/07/2023 16:54

Bit of a presumption? She might be in a good wage. And benefits do not cover a mortgage.

Show quote history

No they don’t

but single person of under three - she will be in receipt of benefits short of that part time role being very well paid

wutheringkites · 14/07/2023 16:56

Op, the cost of housing varies so much across the country that you won't get any clear answers on what is reasonable to pay.

Middlelanehogger · 14/07/2023 16:57

How can we possibly answer this question without knowing what your daughter earns?

Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 16:57

And no judgment FgS

just an explanation as to why she thinks she’s able to afford

mondaytosunday · 14/07/2023 16:57

But will she be able to keep the house? Is it in her name only? If he's on the mortgage but not paying how does that work? If it is only her on the mortgage they will have tested her affordability and only she can decide whether she can afford it going forward.

NewmummyJ · 14/07/2023 16:57

Ok so the main issue is probably her childcare expenses rather than mortgage- which will now be cheaper now she is 4 days a week, and she will get 30hours term time once child is 3 so will help matters significantly.

wutheringkites · 14/07/2023 16:57

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:55

@NewmummyJ we are not sure, we think around 40,000.

So maybe she is making the decision to cut her hours so she can claim UC?

redskytwonight · 14/07/2023 16:58

OK, so she needs to work out her finances (with your support if she asks for it, otherwise none of your business) and see if she can afford the mortgage.

You can also make it clear that you aren't in a position to help her financially (if that was something she was expecting).

If she has a 4 bed house she could always have a lodger (I'm thinking someone she knows; appreciate she won't want just anyone in with a young child).