To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

[daufhtercrusus]

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

Doesn't seem likely

A 500 a month mortgage is 80k over 30 years at todays rate

What would a mortgage of that size buy in your area?

Where I am - it would buy a half a 1 bed flat

If this is actually for real I recommend you go on Rightmove and look for two bedroom properties in her area, then scroll down to the bottom of the listing and see the estimated mortgage cost of the property.
You will soon realise that £500 per month will get you a one bedroom flat / house at most and see that her mortgage costs are very typical.
I think you should give her some credit. She bought this house initially without a partner and this would indicate her finances are in good shape.
She's an adult, let her manage these things herself, she doesn't need someone telling her what to do.

If we had known that was the repayment when she bought the house we would have told her that was too much but sadly we weren’t informed at the time.

Gee, I wonder why you weren't informed at the time.

Are you suggesting your dd isn’t aware of the ‘current economic climate’?

Why do you think that?

It’s worrying because you think she is an idiot.

Again, not your business.

My ex left when my child was 2 leaving me paying a mortgage of £950 with wages take home of £1450 a month. With his CMS it was okay and I also had a lodger. It worked fine and I’m very glad I didn’t listen to people telling me to sell.

Plus moving costs me will be £1000’s.

She will be fine on her wages of £40,000.

She’s your daughter, your only concern should be for her emotional well-being. She’s going through a lot of change and upheaval and the last thing she would want or need is unsolicited financial advice from her nosey parents. Unless she specifically asks you for your opinion on her finances, I’d stay well out of it and just be there for her.

Your daughter sounds more than capable.

Why do you think you need to worry?

Why are you interfering if you don't know any of the figures and are completely out of touch with the housing and presumably also the employment market.

She could afford the house before this man arrived on the scene. So how about assume she can continue to afford it now?

We rent a 3 bed for £1700 a month. I know it will go up again at the next renewal.

Her mortgage is normal.

I wonder if this is the crux, the OP is worried how her daughter will manage with a child without an man there.

The answer is - probably fairly well if she is savy enough to buy a house on her own and end a relationship that's not working and not just stay together for the child, sounds like she has her decision making capacities in tact.

I think working single parents often get generous benefits. However there is a real balance especially with childcare costs. I know when I first separated I worked out I was better off part time than full time. Paying tax / Ni/ Uc tax taper/ student loan/ childcare costs/ commuting meant That I was better off working less.

I think I last paid £500 a month when I rented a one-bed flat 15+ years ago! Have some faith in your own daughter, OP. She's saved for and bought a house and is adjusting her life to fit her new circumstances. Help her out where you can (not financially but practically and emotionally) but don't interfere.

Your daughter is right and you are crazy out of touch. If you are not willing or able to help, it isn't your concern. She needs your emotional support and not your judgement.

Not being willing to pay more than £500 per month is neither here nor there. When did you buy your first house and what did you pay? Take a look on Rightmove how much it costs now. That is what your rent or mortgage would cost now.

I would suggest, instead of maintenance calculators (which you won't be able to do unless you know the partners salary), I'd suggest you look at rents for a property and as an alternative the costs - including estate agents fees to sell, solicitors, stamp duty, searches etc on a property you'd approve of (in an area of decent schools remember) as well as the resulting mortgage - just to see how realisitc your expectations are... and of course how she's to manage all this time wise with giving the 2yr old whose lost contact with her father, a full time job you expect her to keep and any kind of life. Maybe those numbers will give you some faith in your daughters decisions.

If I bought my house again now it would be about £1100 a month for a two bed terrace.

Yes, £1100 is a lot of money but it depends what she earns, what help she gets with childcare bills/any other government help, what she'll get from him etc.

OP, honestly, give your DD credit.
She bought a house as a single person.
She's a mum.
Holds down a good job.

If you start showing her how little you think of her financial literacy, you risk insulting her at best, alienating her at worst. Just when she needs people to love her most.

Have faith in her. Believe in her. And let her know you're always on her side.

My parents bought their house for a few thousand pounds about a billion years ago I am sure they would be horrified by our mortgage and repayments but times have changed.

You sound mostly like you don't want her to come running to you for financial help, is that something she has a history of? Does she not out her daughter first or do a good job looking after her? She must be successful to be on 40k a year and to own her own home. I think maybe you are a bit jealous or her independence or just overly anxious?

Needs to be increasing her hours, not decreasing them!

When was the last time you bought a house?

Why?

If she can afford everything she needs to, why should she increase her hours?

In the nicest possible way, you need to butt out until she asks for your advice. Her finances are none of your business. I understand your concern comes from parental love but…… your worry is based solely on her mortgage repayments which given all the other variables you can not quantify, is a strange thing to get so worked up about or advise her about.

Your daughter is an adult so let her be an adult. It very much sounds like you are in danger of overstepping her boundaries, your concern doesn’t trump her right to make decisions that suit her.

Not necessarily, when my son was 2 I had to go part time as I couldn't afford nursery full time. By going part time I was able to qualify for free childcare so I could afford to keep working until he turned 3 and was entitled to it anyway so I could increase my hours again. It's madness but sometimes you have no choice

No it's not. She's right - it's a bargain and fixed for another four years.

If she were mine I'd be patting myself on the back for having raised such a sensible forward thinking child able to cope sensibly with a significant change in circumstances.

truthfully, I think your mind is stuck in the 70s/80s/90s.
If your DD lived in my area (not London) she would be paying £1300ish for a 2 bedroom house in rent. The amount your DD is paying in mortgage isn't irregular for people to pay.
I think your daughters solidly living in 2023 mindset and getting on with it.
You should probably speak with her about her plans and her finances, not mumsnet because she's the only one who can confirm if she's got savings and a plan.

But you are worrying about hypothetical situation that hasn't happened.

If the child is 2, then she's already managing childcare and the mortgage. 32K income for him isn't that much, so likely she was manging a lot on her own. As PP state, she'll be entitled to some benefits.

I genuinely think this hand wringing about finances are because deep down you think a woman needs a man to make big financial decisions.

If money gets tight, she could switch her mortgage to interest only until she doesn't need to pay child care, she could rent a room she could change jobs, work from home in the evenings.

Let the problems happen before you start catastrophising