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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

483 replies

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:42

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

OP posts:

redskytwonight · 14/07/2023 17:03

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

I assume you and your DH have not bought a house recently? There's not too many houses you'll be able to buy with a £500 monthly mortgage.

wutheringkites · 14/07/2023 17:03

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

But when did you buy your house?

She can downsize but moving costs a lot of money and she probably won't halve her monthly mortgage cost.

CindersAgain · 14/07/2023 17:03

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:00

@Herewego81 she owned the house before they got together. He moved in. They had not been together long.

Her salary might be more than you think then. If she’s managed to get the mortgage on her sole salary.

So if she could afford the mortgage before she met him and she then gets some maintenance then that seems like she’d be ok?

itsmylife7 · 14/07/2023 17:03

She can always rent out a room as shes got a 4 bedroom.

Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 17:03

TooManyAnimals94 · 14/07/2023 17:02

You seem to consider selling up a magical solution. I'm in a similar position to your daughter and I really struggle to afford my place so did the sensible thing and put it on the market. It's been nearly a year and not a single offer. The same may well happen to her and then she has the cost, stress AND the mortgage.

Any property on the market for a year is overpriced. Fact

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 17:03

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:56

@Yfory yes exactly, we are worried she is not considering the running costs etc alone. Our energy bill last November was 300. I doubt it will be cheaper this year.

Oh do come off it. She bought the house. She's been running the house and paying the bills for a while. She is perfectly aware what the running costs are.

LittleOwl153 · 14/07/2023 17:04

So the thing is OP if she stays put now that doesn't stop her selling up and moving on at a later date does it? Selling up now in a largely dead market will result in her getting significantly less capital than she could get from the place in a year or two. The partner could also say some it was his if she sells at the point he moves out - so by going it along she isn't having to pay him off.

You need to give your daughter the support to sort things out for herself not telling her she is wrong at the first hurdle. She sounds like she has her head screwed on and it putting your granddaughter first as her dad is about to walk out of her life - a 2yr old by yourself is not a walk in the park.

redskytwonight · 14/07/2023 17:04

It sounds like she was affording the mortgage before her ex moved in, so why wouldn't she be able to afford it now?

Whataretheodds · 14/07/2023 17:04

It depends what she earns and how much alternative accommodation would be.

If she has to buy somewhere at £250k and a penny she'll be paying stamp duty of £12k plus estate agent fees, legal and conveyancing and moving costs. Us probably taking a hit on the sale price.

If she has a fixed rate mortgage her repayments aren't going up till the term ends.

If you are concerned about her taking a risk perhaps you could offer to help her work out what the actual risk is, which noone can possibly know without her actual income (salary, CMS, benefits) and outgoings.

PowerBMI · 14/07/2023 17:04

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

You sound over baring and out of touch.

Your daughter is an adult. She managed to get a mortgage and she had a child.

This is her decision and if you must, tell her in advance you won't be able to help her with payments.

This really isn't your decision. And ita nor necessarily a mistake either. If she can keep up the payments and iga what's she wants to do, leave her to it

bellsbuss · 14/07/2023 17:04

To rent a 2 bedroom where I live is £1450

orangeleavesinautumn · 14/07/2023 17:04

what is her job?

going down to 4 days might make sense, - she could well save more in childcare than she loses in pay - remember you don't lose 20% of your pay dropping 20% of your hours

OnlyFannys · 14/07/2023 17:05

What is your estimate of 40k salary based on? You didn't know her mortgage payments so you aren't very close to her finances. It sounds likw you are just guessing and catastrophising based on a assumptions. She must earn a fair amount if her mortgage is over 1k with half the mortgage paid off or she wouldnt have been able to buy the house.

pointythings · 14/07/2023 17:05

@daufhtercrusus in London the mortgage on a 4 bed would be a lot more than £1100. I think you need to read up on what housing costs are like these days before judging your daughter, you seem to be stuck in the late 90s.

Floralnomad · 14/07/2023 17:05

Has your daughter actually asked you for any money , if not then keep your beak out and keep your opinions to yourself . If your daughter has managed to save enough to buy a house I’m fairly sure she wouldn’t have reduced her hours on a whim without looking into the financial side of it .

pocketshelled · 14/07/2023 17:05

MusicInAWord · 14/07/2023 16:59

You should mind your own business. It's not up to you to tell her what she can or can't afford.

Indeed.

Whataretheodds · 14/07/2023 17:05

Exactly @OnlyFannys @pointythings

Ireolu · 14/07/2023 17:06

It's ultimately none of your business OP. She got the mortgage in her own. The bank would have stress tested her finances before lending her the money. She is currently not asking you for help. Leave her be.

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 17:06

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

Okay. I call reverse.

You sound like you're cos playing an interfering granny.

3WildOnes · 14/07/2023 17:06

You sound pretty ignorant of current housing costs.

She seems pretty switched on and sensible if she managed to buy a four bed house alone.

If I were you I would mind my own business.

NoSunNoSun · 14/07/2023 17:06

I actually think she’d is in a pretty good position and knows what she is doing. I can’t see the point in her moving, probably/possibly losing her good fix rate and paying a lot of money in fees/solicitors/stamp duty etc.
Where I love it costs £1000 to rent a one bedroom flat.

Squashyy · 14/07/2023 17:06

redskytwonight · 14/07/2023 17:04

It sounds like she was affording the mortgage before her ex moved in, so why wouldn't she be able to afford it now?

This.

I don't see the point in this thread. Your daughter sounds perfectly capable of making her own financial decisions.

AxolotlOnions · 14/07/2023 17:06

You are really intrusive, totally out of touch on the cost of things nowadays (£1100/month is rent for a 1 bedroom where I live) and really negative about your daughter. Why would you think she doesn't know the running costs of the house she's been running for at least 3 years! This is why she doesn't tell you things. Stay out of it.

Original poster

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:06

@OnlyFannys we have no idea how much of the mortgage is paid off. We just think it is too expensive now she is paying this alone with a child. That’s not the same as living in a house totally alone. She will need to heat it for our granddaughter so can’t just put a jumper on for instance

OP posts:

Original poster

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:07

Can’t seem to work the maintenance calculator

OP posts:

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