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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

483 replies

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:42

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:58

He’s not on the mortgage, no

OP posts:
Ilikejamtarts · 14/07/2023 16:58

If she knows the ex's income she will be able to get a fairly accurate calculation of child maintenance, also she may be entitled to benefits through universal credit. The online benefit calculators can be very inaccurate but there is a manual calculation you can do that will work it out down to the penny. Maybe you could explain your worries and see if she would be happy to go over the financials with you and work out the above calculations as well to make sure her and her child aren't going to be left struggling. It will give you some peace of mind and also make sure she isn't making any rash decisions while emotions are up in the air?

Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 16:58

wutheringkites · 14/07/2023 16:56

Op, the cost of housing varies so much across the country that you won't get any clear answers on what is reasonable to pay.

A 4 bed in my part of the uk for £1100 a month would either be derelict or the steal or the century

Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 16:58

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:58

He’s not on the mortgage, no

So she’s on a sufficient salary to get a sole mortgage?

Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 16:59

Why wasn’t he on the mortgage?

Circe7 · 14/07/2023 16:59

I’ve recently become a single parent and staying in the family home for now, which has a huge mortgage. I’m on quite a high income but it’s tight while I am paying childcare.

My thinking is that I have some savings to subsidise the cost of living for now. Moving would cost around £15k, probably more. It can be quite hard to port mortgages in practice even if they’re theoretically portable. It is very stressful to move as a lone parent with young kids. It would involve disruption to them on top of the disruption of their dad leaving. I don’t want to make big life decisions about where to live right now as so much has changed. If it gets unmanageable I’ll move or go interest only for a bit. Chances are I’d save a few hundred pounds a month by moving for a much worse house which I’d make less money on in the long term. I don’t expect to stay in this house forever though in a few years I might work full time and get a pay rise and then it will be fine again.

Original poster
daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:59

@Ilikejamtarts oh I didn’t know that, thank you. He earns 32,000 as he announced his pay rise in May! I will put in the figures

OP posts:
Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 16:59

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:56

@Yfory yes exactly, we are worried she is not considering the running costs etc alone. Our energy bill last November was 300. I doubt it will be cheaper this year.

You seem to think she’s not the sharpest tool in the box

when she managed to secure a sole mortgage based on her salary alone

MusicInAWord · 14/07/2023 16:59

You should mind your own business. It's not up to you to tell her what she can or can't afford.

wutheringkites · 14/07/2023 17:00

@Herewego81

It's roughly what we pay for ours and my MIL thinks it's a fortune. Unfortunately, we couldn't move to the 90s to buy a house!

Original poster
daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:00

@Herewego81 she owned the house before they got together. He moved in. They had not been together long.

OP posts:
Mutabiliss · 14/07/2023 17:00

A mortgage of £1100 is perfectly normal, that's how much ours was at first. Slightly reduced now but not much. And that's for a three bed.

Moving house costs a lot of money, if she can afford it and she's happy there why not stay.

Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 17:01

Op you are obviously not close to your daughter if she has taken the decision to keep all financial information from you

So I’d assume that she independent and sorted and that she’s not going to come to you for any kind of support

sunshinesupermum · 14/07/2023 17:01

Sorry but this is none of your business. She is right that the house is an asset and if her mortgage payments are fixed until 2027 then she knows what to budget for until then. I don't understand why she has to go part time to 4 days a week though?

Original poster
daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

OP posts:
Notellinganyone · 14/07/2023 17:01

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:51

I just hope she doesn’t turn to us to help meet the payments. She is saying that figure is reasonable nowadays for the size of the house etc and she wants to hold on to the asset… that’s all fine but at 1,100 a month it doesn’t strike me as realistic! If we had known that was the repayment when she bought the house we would have told her that was too much but sadly we weren’t informed at the time.

But she’s an adult- so it’s actually not any of your business. Let her sort her own life out and butt out. Why should she inform you ?

Nodeepdiving · 14/07/2023 17:02

With all due respect OP, you sound a bit overbearing. There is no reason why you should know what she's earning (it sounds like you believe you should have this information) She's clearly old and qualified enough to be earning a decent wage. You sound like you haven't fully accepted that she is now an independent adult, which also changes the parent-child relationship. I imagine that is difficult. However, if you are not directly involved in her life financially, which it doesn't sound like you are, then it seems a bit odd for you to be worrying she'll turn to you for help. Have some faith in her ability to make these decisions for herself.

Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 17:02

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:00

@Herewego81 she owned the house before they got together. He moved in. They had not been together long.

Wow

So she got a sole mortgage based on her salary alone and she must have been young.

She sounds sorted op

but you don’t seem to think very highly of her financial acumen

orangeleavesinautumn · 14/07/2023 17:02

£1000 a month is what most of my sons friends are currently paying for a single room in a shared house. £1100 a month for 4 bedrooms is never going to come around again. If she possibly can hang on to it, she will be in a good position

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 17:02

daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent?

You judge whether housing is too expensive by comparing it to income, not to relationship status. You haven't said what she does for a living so we're all in the dark.

Also, going from FT to 4 days pw wont decrease her income "drastically". Because of tax, she'll still have more than 80% of her current salary.

Besides, it truly is her own business.

TooManyAnimals94 · 14/07/2023 17:02

You seem to consider selling up a magical solution. I'm in a similar position to your daughter and I really struggle to afford my place so did the sensible thing and put it on the market. It's been nearly a year and not a single offer. The same may well happen to her and then she has the cost, stress AND the mortgage.

KevinDeBrioche · 14/07/2023 17:02

You need to stay out of it. That’s a pretty normal mortgage these days and she’s told you what she wants to do so don’t risk your relationship by giving unwanted - negative - advice.

Herewego81 · 14/07/2023 17:03

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

Yes, and I’m guessing that your daughter earns more than either of you ever have given she was able to take out a sole mortgage on her salary alone at a young age

Original poster
daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:03

@orangeleavesinautumn that is likely in London though which is to be expected. We are north of the midlands…!

OP posts:
Gonnawashmymouthout · 14/07/2023 17:03

Rent on a 3 bed private rent would be about the same where I am, and it's not an expensive area. Only social housing would be cheaper: and she probably wouldn't be entitled to that. So she's absolutely right to sit tight.

That's the problem with the older generation: they were used to cheaper housing costs and are baffled why youngsters are struggling to afford housing

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