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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

483 replies

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 16:42

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

OP posts:
Mumtothreegirlies · 14/07/2023 17:07

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

£1100 a month for a 4 bed is an absolute bargain. 4 bed houses where I’m from (not even London) are well over half a million.
I think staying put is sensible.

DaisyThistle · 14/07/2023 17:07

If she has a 4 bed could she rent out one or two of the bedrooms to female lodgers? That would bring in an income that would cover a chunk of mortgage and utilities.

Jongleterre · 14/07/2023 17:08

I wouldn't be encouraging her to move. Her mortgage sounds a good deal to me and selling and removal fees would take a big hit on her savings etc.

AlligatorPsychopath · 14/07/2023 17:08

Why are you so convinced your daughter's a fucking idiot?

It's her house. She bought it alone. She's been running it since she bought it. She knows her budget and what things cost. She's an actual real grownup who has presumably been managing her own finances for years and is managing to raise her own child. You're talking about her like she's 5.

You need to seriously step back and get a grip, or you'll damage your relationship with her very badly.

Dibblydoodahdah · 14/07/2023 17:08

You sound really out of touch OP. I bought a small two bed in the North 20 years ago and the payments were £500 per month back then. My current mortgage is £2600 per month - that’s for a five bed in the SE but we’ve got 60% equity.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 14/07/2023 17:08

Her finances are nothing to do with you.

She's obviously doing well for herself if she could buy (and mortgage) the house on one income - and having a small child living there won't make much (if any) difference to the running costs. Why would it?

bewilderedhedgehog · 14/07/2023 17:08

Well it sounds to me that she has thought this through and she is an adult. I understand why you may be concerned, but actually these are her decisions. If she can manage the mortgage she is avoiding significant costs of moving as well

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 14/07/2023 17:09

She could have an au pair in a 4 bed house, that could save her a huge amount in child care. If she's bought this house on her own, and managed up till now, I think you'll find she carries on managing. I would just offer her your emotional support and as much help as you can with your grandchild. Sounds like she has the finances covered.

PuddlesPityParty · 14/07/2023 17:09

OP that’s cheap! I’ve just had a mortgage approved for a 3 bed and it’s gonna be about the same monthly as your daughter. I’m north west in a very very cheap town.

NotDavidTennant · 14/07/2023 17:09

A four bed house seems a bit excessive for one adult and one child but, as others have pointed out, the cost of moving might wipe out any saving she made from downsizing.

orangeleavesinautumn · 14/07/2023 17:10

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

O my goodness, how long ago did you buy a house? Mine was £700 a month for 3 beds in a block of flats more than 20 years ago!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/07/2023 17:10

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

She isn't you.

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 17:10

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:07

Can’t seem to work the maintenance calculator

Probably not the best person to interfere in someone's finances then.

wutheringkites · 14/07/2023 17:10

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 14/07/2023 17:09

She could have an au pair in a 4 bed house, that could save her a huge amount in child care. If she's bought this house on her own, and managed up till now, I think you'll find she carries on managing. I would just offer her your emotional support and as much help as you can with your grandchild. Sounds like she has the finances covered.

This is a good idea but it probably depends on where she lives.

OnlyFannys · 14/07/2023 17:10

Why are you so convinced your daughter's a fucking idiot?

This in spades. My mother does this and treats me like a moron despite the fact I earn 77k and own my own home (even, shudder, as a single parent). It makes me not want to engage with her.

orangeleavesinautumn · 14/07/2023 17:10

NotDavidTennant · 14/07/2023 17:09

A four bed house seems a bit excessive for one adult and one child but, as others have pointed out, the cost of moving might wipe out any saving she made from downsizing.

and she can take in a lodger

LegendsBeyond · 14/07/2023 17:11

She’s an adult, so I’m sure she can look after herself. Just stay out of it. I’d be furious if my mother interfered like this.

wutheringkites · 14/07/2023 17:11

Are you generally a bit helpless yourself op?

PowerBMI · 14/07/2023 17:11

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:06

@OnlyFannys we have no idea how much of the mortgage is paid off. We just think it is too expensive now she is paying this alone with a child. That’s not the same as living in a house totally alone. She will need to heat it for our granddaughter so can’t just put a jumper on for instance

What you think, doesn’t matter.

She knows how to pay bills, she knows how to plan finances. If she finds it to expensive, I am sure she will change her mind.

Elphame · 14/07/2023 17:11

Have you seen how much it costs to rent a 2 bedroom house nowadays?

If not, then go and have a look before you condemn £1100 for a 4 bedroom house as "expensive". You wouldn't get a 2 bedroom for anything near that around here (and I am not in London or the SE)

This really is absolutely none of your business. Your daughter seems to have made sensible financial decisions so far so leave her to it.

OnlyFannys · 14/07/2023 17:12

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 17:10

Probably not the best person to interfere in someone's finances then.

Show quote history

😂

CatStankShame · 14/07/2023 17:12

JeandeServiette · 14/07/2023 17:10

Probably not the best person to interfere in someone's finances then.

Show quote history

Golden. Love this.

orangeleavesinautumn · 14/07/2023 17:13

she can change her mind whenever she wants, OP, she isn't tying herself in for life

Back2front · 14/07/2023 17:13

None of your business. Step back.

Wintersgirl · 14/07/2023 17:13

daufhtercrusus · 14/07/2023 17:01

I think we are just shocked at the repayments. DH and I would never have contemplated more than 500 a month so we were surprised to learn it was over a thousand.

I think you're the one being unrealistic!