To think my daughter is taking a crazy financial risk?

[daufhtercrusus]

Unfortunately my daughter has separated from her partner with a 2 year old. She saved to buy the house they both lived in and both paid half the mortgage after they got together. He is not making any claim on the house as it was a short lived relationship which is fortunate in the circumstances. He has however said he wants not part in my granddaughter’s life which has left my daughter deciding to go part time to four days a week which will obviously reduce her income drastically. I know she will be able to claim maintenance but we don’t know what that looks like and I wouldn’t like her to rely on that. Me and DH both think she now needs to move to find somewhere with lesser mortgage payments, daughter is saying 1,100 for a four bed house is a good deal and it would be pointless moving now. She’s never told us her finances before but I am shocked she is now left paying this, surely this is far too much to pay especially as a single parent? Am I unreasonable to encourage her to downsize and get somewhere which much lesser payments? Her current rate is fixed until 2027 but it is portable. I am very worried for her.

None of this, her plan to work 4 days, not to downsize, her mortgage, income or how she will manage to heat the home are any of your business. Why are you attempting to work out maintenance with a calculator?

Unless she is dependent on you in some way, which sounds unlikely, you really need to butt out. Are you pushing your opinions on her or just be fine here? If you’re really this anxious about her finances maybe look into some MH help. Honestly OP, she sounds absolutely fine, and it it doesn’t go to her plan, she’ll make the changes she needs to as an adult/ parent/ homeowner.

Please don’t assume or treat your dd like she’s an idiot. She’s obviously fairly sensible if she’s got what sounds like a reasonably paid job, a child and a house with a mortgage. Support her in her decisions. Don’t judge.

*venting

I'd stay in her shoes. She can downsize if rates start to squeeze too much and she can't take a mortgage holiday. The next few years will be tricky with childcare costs but that's paid between them. This is pretty low these days as mortgage/rent costs go sadly.

Leave her to it and stop trying to control and micro manage her. My mum does this with both me and my sister and it makes me dislike her to be honest. I can manage myself. She still tries to interfere in money matters with me and I'm nearly 50. I received some cash from a will about 6 years ago and she tried to control that and I got "the face" when I told her what I'd used it for. It's my money. £500 is highly unusual these days. You don't have a clue

She doesn't have to heat ALL of it for your grand daughter though

If she owned the house before him, then she was managing the mortgage and she didn't and still doesn't need him financially. Have a little faith in her.

Are you trying to be goady OP?
Where could anyone have bought a first property with a £500 mortgage in the last 10 years.
And leave your daughter alone, it's none of your business, and I think we can all see why she hasn't discussed her finances with you!

If it weren’t for the economic climate I would agree with staying out of it but it is worrying in the circumstances

Why are you involved? She mortgage owns a property in her name. Let her get on with it.

So maybe offer help with going through the facts?

If she says no, just leave it. Unless you think she's incompetent or an idiot?

OP by the sounds of it you are massively out of touch with the reality of rent or mortgages these days. Even if she moved she would likely be paying not a lot less than that given her interest rate on her fix is probably much lower than current offerings and if she finds somewhere decent for under £500 I’d be very surprised

Op I’ll take a punt that you have very very little financial experience and do not work in any way in finance?

And nor does your partner

WTF, is this a wind up? My mortgage is £1k a month for a 2 bed mid terrace. Your daughter has a great deal and if she says her salary can cover it then you need to butt out.

Your daughter is sensible not to confide in you re her finances

I can understand your fears and she will always be your daughter but like some pp have said she managed to secure the mortgage on her own. That's quite an achievement. If things are tighter because of other increases she may have other options such as extending the term. Remember it's her income plus child maintenance coming in. If she's paying for nursery/ childminder then that won't be forever.

I do know people who have turned to parents/ siblings to bail them out when they have gone against advice or mismanaged their own money. I think it's unlikely for your DD but if it does then you simply say you can't help financially. If she can't pay the mortgage she can talk to the provider and try to resolve or sell and downsize.

You should probably have a look at mortgage calculators on prices of 2 beds in the area. It might be impossible to get a mortgage of £500 for your DD even on a smaller property.

I get you're concerned for your daughter, but it sounds like you're getting yourself in a state/interfering for nothing.

You seem massively out of touch with the cost of houses/mortgages and I bet if you're estimating your daughter is on £40k, she's probably on £60k+ as I imagine your guessing mortgage costs is as good as guessing salaries!

I live a very different life/work a type of role to that of my parents and they'd probably think I was on £50k which to them would be an amazing salary and completely underestimating costs would think would fund a high lifestyle, I'm actually on £100k+ and life quite conservatively!

I’m not surprised she didn’t tell you anything before.

she clearly does not need your help when it comes to managing her finances. If you actually want to help her, just be there and support her through this break up emotionally.

If you think her mortgage is high OP then take a look at rental prices in the area, they're insane. Big detached houses are at least £2000-£2500 rent (maybe more) and you don't own anything, she's being sensible if you ask me.

I wonder if she can simultaneously divorce her parents and run free...

Hope she's happy

Again, daughter: not fucking idiot. She knows as much about "the economic climate" as you do. (Probably more, given how completely out of touch you are on the average mortgage or rent.)

Op, the world has moved on since you bought a house. With four bedrooms she could take two female lodgers at £400 a month each.

Ypur dd is an adult who owns her own home, is a mother, a professional woman. You have to trust her to manage her own affairs.

She will get help with childcare, she will get child maintenance. And as for heating - I have a 4 bed house and spent £130 a month on utilities this last year. £300 a month heating a modern house is absurd.

I can see that you're concerned about your daughter but this really isn't your business unless she asks you for financial help.
I think you should keep your mouth and your purse closed and allow her to work it out for herself. Just be supportive emotionally and avoid adding extra stress. Perhaps spend a bit of extra time with your grandchild to give your daughter a break until things settle down.

I think you're making some big assumptions here OP.

Your daughter sounds very capable, and having already financed the house herself and ran it for however long she has had it, she knows what she's doing.

You're treating her like a child, and you 'telling' her what she should and shouldn't be doing at this point is preposterous. If you're not careful you'll either upset her or damage your relationship.

All you can do is make sure she's aware than you wouldn't be in a position to help out if it came to that so at the very least if that WAS on her radar she'd know it's not an option, but it doesn't sound like she relies on you at all though, so I'd try not to worry about her.