A stranger grabbed my babies hand and I didn’t react

[Jacketpotatogirl]

I had an awkward encounter yesterday that has never happened to me before and I do not think I reacted correctly.

I’m a first time mum to a 2 month old and I have anxiety which is probably why I didn’t say anything. A stranger (mid 40’s) came up to me and my DS in a coffee shop whilst I was with my friend yesterday and grabbed his hand out of no where, I didn’t even see her before she did it and she didn’t even start talking to me first. She then continued to tell me how gorgeous DS was. But kept putting her hands all over him and up his arms. I froze because it made me feel uncomfortable but I didn’t say anything as I do not know what I should of done in this situation.

What would you have done? Because DH told me I should have told her to not touch him and now I wish I spoke up but didn’t want to sound like I’m over reacting. It made me feel really uncomfortable, is this normal? What would you do?

People do this all the time. Honestly I'd prob say thanks and then move baby away gently and calmly and then use some baby friendly sanitiser spray

@Bells3032 I drowned his hands in baby safe sanitiser spray! Obviously she was just being friendly and nice but I’ve never had anyone do that before and didn’t think people touched babies anymore like that!

Totally get this, happens all the time to everyone. As you've only got a newborn I think you're well within your rights to just say please don't touch my baby as his immunity very low and don't want to risk him/her getting something. Anyone who acts offended by this can get lost, you never touch a baby without asking mum first

@Tiredjoanna thank you! I wasn’t sure if I was being unreasonable hating this woman doing this but next time I’ll tell them not too

I’d say “No touching please!”

Good, don't ever feel bad about it. Adults don't walk around grabbing strangers hands so why should it be different for a baby?

I don't get what all the fuss is about, what do you think is going to happen from someone touching his hand. Babies are not more vulnerable than they used to be years ago you know.

I often look at babies and tell Mum how beautiful they are but I would never dream of touching

It wouldn't bother me but then DH is from a country when random people kiss your baby. We took DD when she was 8 months old and hotel staff would kiss her forehead, hands and cheeks.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream I am sure nothing would come of it and he will be fine, one of my friends babies was really unwell in hospital due to being touched at a wedding and I think that’s where my anxiety comes from

I'm not sure what the massive issue is of holding a baby's hand,? Seemw a big over reaction to me. I used to take my babies around on travels to other countries and people seem to be much more tactile than here to youngesters. What do you think is going to happen?

This used to be much more common, my DS is 22 and I can remember a lot of people (gently) stroking him or telling me what a lovely baby he was boast, a complete stranger even gave me a £1 coin to 'wish him luck'. It honestly never bothered me but perhaps I am just very laid back we hadn't been through the Covid years of sanitising everything.

No baby has ever become really unwell in hospital due to being touched.
You drowned your childs hand in sanitiser??!!
I suggest you get in touch with your GP and manage your anxiety.

You really need to get out this unhelpful mindset of,

‘I’m a woman so I must always be nice and compliant.’

Seriously, try booking some therapy sessions that teach you how to become more assertive. Hypnosis can be good at breaking down past traumas and give you the confidence to stand your ground in difficult situations. Even if you’re unsure and don’t feel worthy, do it for the sake of your child.

What would you have done?

Smiled, said thank you and got on with my day. This is a complete non issue. I don't understand what you think will happen if someone touches your baby's hand?

Hi @Jacketpotatogirl omg i have the same anxiety and am also a first time Mum. A shop assistant touched my baby's head and after it happened i was so angry with myself why didn't i just say no sorry could you not do that. I'm slowly gaining my confidence and will speak up next time.
The situation happens so quickly and i totally hear you about freezing xx

I like the emotive language - "grabbed" - yeah, right

In the nicest way OP I think you need to get some help with the anxiety for some the only person I know who was really like this was a friend of mine. Very lovely woman but absolutely paranoid about germs. Her now teenage son has picked up on this and is hyper sensitive about lots of things and got obsessed with washing his hands. When he was about 6 he wouldn't play in the park properly or climb trees et cetera because it was "dirty" was very sad to see. And it was very tiring for his mum. And actually there is quite a lot of concern that the rising allergies is down to being too clean. I know anxiety can be real bugger but it's worth thinking about counseling. Your DH doesn't seem to be of much help and could be fueling it.

I think 'drowning' a child in sanitizer is probably more worrying. So bizarre. No wonder there's so many allergies nowadays

I really do wonder how people get through life

Non issue imo. What reaction do you think you should have had?

one of my friends babies was really unwell in hospital due to being touched at a wedding and I think that’s where my anxiety comes from

Sorry but this is BS, there is no way of knowing where a baby comes into contact with many bugs. It could just as easily been a family member carrying something.

This wouldn't bother me at all OP it's just a human reaction to be drawn to a beautiful new baby. I wouldn't do it myself though.

Once a rather filthy looking homeless man admired my baby then leaned in and stroked his cheek. It did freak me out and I was straight out with the sanitiser but it was kind of heartbreaking actually he looked so vulnerable and was almost tearing up at the sight of the child. I initially felt awful for letting it happen, like you I froze but after I think it was a nice thing to happen to an unfortunate person and I was glad I didn't get upset.

Non-issue for me. Your baby will be fine.

Do you never shake hands when being introduced?

This.

Only on mumsnet do I encounter this mentality that your baby being touched or held by someone else will lead to them becoming seriously ill.

Also no offence but what happens if / when you have another. Will you stop your older one going to nursery/ play groups in case they bring home some lurgy.

I say this as a parent who had a child that was in NIQU for a week with an infection. Raising children in bubbles is not good for them