A stranger grabbed my babies hand and I didn’t react

[Jacketpotatogirl]

I had an awkward encounter yesterday that has never happened to me before and I do not think I reacted correctly.

I’m a first time mum to a 2 month old and I have anxiety which is probably why I didn’t say anything. A stranger (mid 40’s) came up to me and my DS in a coffee shop whilst I was with my friend yesterday and grabbed his hand out of no where, I didn’t even see her before she did it and she didn’t even start talking to me first. She then continued to tell me how gorgeous DS was. But kept putting her hands all over him and up his arms. I froze because it made me feel uncomfortable but I didn’t say anything as I do not know what I should of done in this situation.

What would you have done? Because DH told me I should have told her to not touch him and now I wish I spoke up but didn’t want to sound like I’m over reacting. It made me feel really uncomfortable, is this normal? What would you do?

Yes, I did. Doctors aren't beyond criticism you know. If a paediatrician told a mother never to allow anyone to touch a baby without washing their hands first, then they are an idiot. A chronically unwell, immuno compromised baby, maybe, but a normal healthy infant? No

LOL. I was shocked when this happened to us. Can you believe it was right at the start of the first lockdown? People will never stop 😰

Oh good grief - petting farm? Really? Stop with the hyperbole.

Some of the comments on here 🙄
I was exactly like you OP. The actual thought of somebody touching my precious baby with their dirty hands made me so anxious. Did they wash their hands after going to the toilet? Did they pick their nose? Did they stroke an animal after it had just rolled in poo?
I have got so much better now she's on the move and touching everything and anything.
At the time, I even used to say that I won't be able to be like this with any future children because I wouldn't be able to stop my current baby touching my new baby with their germ riddled toddler hands. Even though I knew I was being OTT, having a baby hand sanitizer for the times a complete stranger thought it was acceptable to touch her, made me feel much calmer.
And for the nasty posters. If I was a baby, I would much rather have a Mum who used a baby hand sanitizer on me, than a Mum who went around judging and taking the piss out of a Mum who's quite clearly suffering with PPA. As women and Mum's, you need to do better.

Except the ones who contract herpes simplex (like my DD) and end up in intensive care.

@SoShallINever I'm so sorry that happened to your baby. I hope they are ok now.
It is an incredibly rare occurrence though of course that is no consolation to you.

@SoShallINever Sorry this happened to you xx

When my DDs were born, I had random old ladies coming up and crossing their palms with silver for luck.

So much has changed recently and I don't think it's entirely healthy psychologically.

A baby born to someone after a previous miscarriage or stillbirth

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Do you honestly think you know more than a medical professional who spends their working life in intensive care looking after ill babies? That's really quite staggering. Surely you must accept you are not qualified to be making such a judgement?

I don’t think it’s necessarily due to Covid.

I remember threads before 2020 where mums were encouraging each other to be stern and abrupt towards the (mostly) elderly ladies on the street who dared to touch their babies’ hands or feet.

When someone pointed out that those ladies most likely didn’t mean any harm and were probably just craving some human interaction, the response often was “It’s not my/ my baby’s job to entertain them”.

I agree with the poster before you:

The ‘assert your boundaries’ pendulum has swung too far the other way now. Women freaking out because someone went near their precious. It’s so neurotic and unhealthy.

Don’t feel bad, I was walking along the street a little while ago when old lady, she was (I assume) a Chinese tourist, grabbed my toddler by the arm and rubbed her hands all over her face, and I stood there and did nothing, I froze. I obviously wasn’t expecting it and I felt awful afterwards because DD doesn’t like being touched by anyone she doesn’t know and she kept saying “my face, my face” for about an hour afterwards.

This seems to be one of those things that only ever seems a big deal on Mumsnet.
What did you think would happen to your baby, OP?
And as for smothering him in antibac, I just find that a bit sad.
Appreciate I'll totally be in the minority though!

My baby was premature she was in nicu for 4 months we were wandering around the hospital grounds one day dragging her oxygen cylinder clearly visible to all, enjoying some actual sun and a woman started reaching into the pram I nearly had a heart attack after that I was afraid to go out anywhere 😢 why people think it’s ok eludes me

Was DH with you, or did you speak with him about it later on?

If he was with you, why didn't he interject and say something to the grabber, rather than telling you you should have done?

I had the same BUT this tradition ( experienced in the NE where my DH is from, nowhere else that I can recall) was explained to me beforehand and those doing so ASKED if they could.

I really don’t understand what’s so hard about asking and knowing the person is ok for you doing so instead of just taking away a person’s or mother’s right to say no because of your own want (not need) to access a stranger’s baby.

Sorry a late response! I had to stop reading all the replies as it was making my anxiety bad!!! Our back stories sound similar...(although I'm an older mum) but I get the anxiety throughout pregnancy and after.
Anyone on here that is slabbering to OP about oh get a grip etc needs to go fuck off!
They have obviously never had pure anxiety/depression...its fuckin hell on earth..I wouldn't wish it on someone I hated. Antidepressants aren't an easy option...they make u feel sick,exhausted,even fat!!! But anyone that needs them will take them no matter what way it makes u feel physically...cos anything is better than the living hell that is anxiety. So if you have no true experience...shut the fuck up and leave this poor girl alone!
As for your original question..I think u done the right thing...nothin then felt bad afterwards, because no matter what u done u would've felt the same...you would've felt bad had u made a scene or told the woman off..so you chose the best option!

Congratulations on your rainbow baby,enjoy him and I hope u get a break In your anxiety- it does get easier xx sending hugs xx

Why are people being so adverse.. saying the OP needs help etc? It's HER baby.. l would have actually said something to the woman.
People try and touch my Grandson who is eight.. he has beautiful long hair and they feel they can touch it.. it's NOT appropriate.
If a child is not old enough to give permission to be touched then the parent should be asked.
Even l ask my Grandsons for a cuddle.. l just don't do it..
Covid is still about too.. ( I've just had my fourth bout) ...

This. It all seems totally over the top. Crawlers/Toddlers throw everything into their mouths.🙄

I'd have thought since covid people would have stopped doing this. It still happens? First time someone did this to my baby I bit their head off and felt guilty afterwards about being cruel. It's hard to react appropriately in that situation, they should understand not to touch a stranger's baby - surely!

I’m really starting to despair with the negative posts on here, it’s like most of Mumsnet thinks everyone bar who you live with is the enemy. Since when are people obviously being friendly the worst of humanity? This obsession with hand gel on kids since covid in my opinion is over the top and unhealthy as it leads to no build up of immunity. Please reach out for support with your anxiety. I feel like my children are going to grow up and be surrounded by unsociable terrified adults by the posts on here. Someone on another negative post yesterday about acquaintances celebrating their new baby said ‘and these are the people asking where their village is’ - so true.

Jesus Christ, only on mumsnet!

It's a miracle the human race has survived as long as it has.

Christ, how will you cope when the baby is crawling on manky floors.

Honestly ignore the nasty comments, OP.

Yes nothing is likely to happen or no harm done but going up and touching a baby you don’t even know is fucking weird.

Sorry but it is. I may smile and say how cute a baby is (most likely not) but I’d never walk up and without ever speaking to the parents, touch their baby.

Everyone acting like it’s perfectly normal to do that are odd as fuck too.

Only on MN do people think it's acceptable to go up to a woman and her baby, who they don't know from Adam, and without saying a word to the woman, start touching the baby's hands and arms.

It's fucking odd, that's what it is and if you do this-quit it. At least speak to the mother first and don't do it with no warning. OP isn't wrong to feel uncomfortable about it.

Is it the end of the world? No, of course not. The woman wouldn't have meant any harm and the chances of any "germs/infections" causing any issues is pretty much zero, but OP is allowed to feel a little taken aback.

Also, I thought MN was all about supporting those with MH issues but when it concerns a new mother who is clearly suffering with some anxiety it's all "get a fucking grip," "how do you fucking survive."

JFC I suspect it's some of you that need to get a grip if going up to stranger's baby's and touching them is something you make a regular habit of.