A stranger grabbed my babies hand and I didn’t react

[Jacketpotatogirl]

I had an awkward encounter yesterday that has never happened to me before and I do not think I reacted correctly.

I’m a first time mum to a 2 month old and I have anxiety which is probably why I didn’t say anything. A stranger (mid 40’s) came up to me and my DS in a coffee shop whilst I was with my friend yesterday and grabbed his hand out of no where, I didn’t even see her before she did it and she didn’t even start talking to me first. She then continued to tell me how gorgeous DS was. But kept putting her hands all over him and up his arms. I froze because it made me feel uncomfortable but I didn’t say anything as I do not know what I should of done in this situation.

What would you have done? Because DH told me I should have told her to not touch him and now I wish I spoke up but didn’t want to sound like I’m over reacting. It made me feel really uncomfortable, is this normal? What would you do?

I absolutely love babies and always coo over them but I’d NEVER touch a strangers baby or worse, kiss them especially without asking the mother or father first if I could touch them. I’ve read through every comment and opinion and decided that actually he is my newborn baby and I can decide who touches him and who doesn’t. Once he starts putting everything in his mouth I’m sure I’ll be less likely to care but even the comments saying I should have empathy for the woman who needed to touch him etc is just a bit odd. My baby isn’t there to comfort anyone!
I just think in real life, these woman commenting nasty stuff.. would they sit there and tell their friend or daughter to get a grip. No they wouldn’t but because it’s anonymous on mumsnet that means all the nasties can come out and write what they want hidden behind a screen.

Please, if you’re touching other people’s babies without permission - stop. You can be kind and friendly to a new mum with her newborn without your hands all over them. If you want a cuddle, ask!

I have asked this question at a mums group on Friday and every single mum said no they wouldn’t want a stranger grabbing their newborns hand.

Also, so many comments about me putting anti bac on him. It is this baby safe water spray like water wipe but a spray version- no alcohol or anything.

For all those saying about germs etc for me it’s more about boundaries why strangers think it’s acceptable to touch a child they don’t know, to me is odd. I don’t suffer with anxiety but I’ve always felt uncomfortable in similar situations I think it’s a natural instinct from a mother to feel protective of their baby.

Babies melt when you touch them. Didn’t you know?

Same 😂 I hope none of you ever move abroad! In a lot of countries this is totally normal to touch and coo over strangers babies! Where I live now restaurant staff will literally pick up the baby and take them to visit the other restaurant staff so that you can eat in peace and they can coo over baby! Also I’d not be spraying sanitiser spray on my baby. They’re full of dangerous chemicals and babies build their immune systems by exposure to germs! Using sanitiser on babies and children actually does them harm in the long term as their immune systems will be weaker.

And on the flipside...

"The British are so unfriendly towards children" 🙄🙄

Cross posted!

It's insane the amount of MNetters who think no-one should so much as glance at their baby without written permission.

I wouldn't give it a second thought OP, people who touch babies are just from a different generation where it was thought to be a nice thing to do. Though you can always say politely that baby has a lowered immune system and not to touch if it really gives you massive anxiety.

A random man picked up my toddler daughter when I was out shopping with my Mum. I was putting my things through the til, mum was ahead of me with the pram and my daughter in reigns. I shouted to my mum that my purse was in the change bag, she got a bit flustered and was trying to hold my daughter while rummaging through the bag, suddenly I see this man lift my daughter, I dropped my shopping and ran towards them. I realised he was trying to help my mum by putting my daughter in the pram as he could see my Mum was overwhelmed but I nearly had a fit, I was shaking for ages afterwards. Everyone should know you don't pick random kids up whether you think you're being helpful or not. I thought he was trying to run off with my child. Scary! So you do get these types from the older generation but I did give him a bollocking out of pure fear.

I’ve not had my baby yet, but I’m surprised to see that based on the responses to this thread I’d be in the minority not being okay with this! Don’t understand why strangers can’t have boundaries with these things, I will absolutely not want random people on the street coming over and touching my baby. It’s really weird.

English people are so weird, it's fine imo, don't put hand sanitiser on your baby, that will damage their skin more than the stranger who will probably boost their immune system. Madness. People say be kind then behave like this.

Honestly I think you are overthinking this. Someone touching the babies hand isn't a huge issue. Wipe their hands with a wet wipe and on you go. Honestly if you have more children their siblings will literally be putting their filthy hands all over them and they are way more likely to have picked up germs from playgrounds, school, gardens etc. And you can't be worrying about it all the time. If you'd have said something you may have upset the poor lady who had good intentions.

If this anti bac spray you're using is just like water and very gentle, then what is it supposed to kill?

People have always been this way they can just talk about it these days without being judged- unless you're a jerk and do judge. People weren't happier or more resilient in the old days.

"Work on your anxiety otherwise your baby will get it too"?? Crikey do you really think that's a helpful thing to say with someone who's said they struggle with anxiety? Also babies can get sick from strangers touching them, back in the old days where this type of thing wasn't challenged it was during a time that women had to put politeness first in front of their own feelings: something that many people still struggle to change in their behaviour. Also the death rate of babies was higher and people didn't have the same knowledge about the low immune system of babies. Is it anxiety this lady is displaying or is it protective first time mum behaviour which is natural and should be respected and also generational habits of keeping quiet to save confrontation.

You haven't said why though??

Op I’m with you. I have an almost two year old but the first time this happened I froze and didn’t say anything but didn’t feel comfortable

I learned from it and now ask people not to touch my daughter, even now when she is almost 2

i wouldn’t worry about the people commenting on this thread. Sure some will be ok and others not. That is their choice but the way I see it is newborns are very vulnerable so it’s especially a no touch zone for my baby then and now I feel like my baby can’t say no for herself so it’s my responsibility to say no for her. She doesn’t like being touched so will say no herself and pull away but there are some instances she is shy etc so I will step in

you wouldn’t have a grown person touching another grown person so why the hell is this acceptable to some people is beyond me

Me too! Restaurant staff cooing over the baby holding him while they were playing hide and seek with the 2 year old. Antalya?

You really need to get a grip.
PFB syndrome.
You are massively over reacting.

It made you uncomfortable and you are allowed to trust your instincts, without being made to feel like you are over anxious! And I get the feeling of wishing you'd said something. I think most people in the real world would empathise with that! Think of a plan of what you will do or say in other situations involving your child, it will help you act in the future. I wouldn't worry too much about this instance though. Some people from older generations especially, just can't resist wanting to touch and hold a baby. Putting a coin in a babies hand, was still a done thing when I had my first born.

It wouldn’t bother me and I’m in the real world last time I checked. Which world are the other people this wouldn’t bother in?

Unless she looked actively and crazily dangerous, I'd have done nothing and chatted away to her about my baby.

Not sure why someone holding your baby's hand would make you uncomfortable if it's clear she's just gushing over how cute baby is.

I feel for you OP, it sounds like you've had a difficult time with losses. It's natural you're a bit overprotective I think.

It wouldn't bother me at all though - when I had my babies people used to cross their palm with silver and I remember being paranoid about where they they put the coin, incase I blinked and my baby choked 🤦🏻‍♀️😅 but I never considered germs. I guess living through a pandemic where we've had it constantly drilled that a slight touch can kill is bound to have an effect on the psyche.

Social media doesn't help either - I see constant pics/videos on mine of babies who have ulcerated mouths allegedly from kisses/touch. Posts about nappies which have caused skin burns It's just constant DANGER DANGER DANGER. It's no wonder so many people are experiencing anxiety.

So I do think you ABU, but understandably so.

I think most people in the real world, can empathise with wishing you'd said something after the fact. In any given situation. Unless you're the type of person, who always has the perfect response everytime. In which case, good for you. I'd guess that most of us have moments when we wished we'd said something or said something different.

For me, it’s just a case of in the past and move on! Once it goes in the past, it doesn’t matter to me anymore.