A stranger grabbed my babies hand and I didn’t react

[Jacketpotatogirl]

I had an awkward encounter yesterday that has never happened to me before and I do not think I reacted correctly.

I’m a first time mum to a 2 month old and I have anxiety which is probably why I didn’t say anything. A stranger (mid 40’s) came up to me and my DS in a coffee shop whilst I was with my friend yesterday and grabbed his hand out of no where, I didn’t even see her before she did it and she didn’t even start talking to me first. She then continued to tell me how gorgeous DS was. But kept putting her hands all over him and up his arms. I froze because it made me feel uncomfortable but I didn’t say anything as I do not know what I should of done in this situation.

What would you have done? Because DH told me I should have told her to not touch him and now I wish I spoke up but didn’t want to sound like I’m over reacting. It made me feel really uncomfortable, is this normal? What would you do?

I really feel for you, all these comments are so unpleasant! I would have reacted the same as you, smiled during and worried afterwards! It's invasive! With my first baby I would have cleaned his hand for sure. But with subsequent babies I've realised that they encounter grubbier things every day. My baby is always grabbing bus handrails then immediately shoving his hands in his mouth, when I pick up his older sibling from preschool the other kids are always kissing his cheeks and rubbing their hands all over his face 🤦‍♀️ After constant sicknesses for the first few months, he's now much healthier than his older sibling was at this age. And when (if) your little one starts nursery, I can bet they'll be licking the floor in no time.

I get the anxiety, believe me! And the worry that you didn't protect your baby from whatever gross illnesses a stranger might have. But this kind of thing only strengthens a baby's immune system ❤️

I thought someone was trying to kidnap your baby from that dramatic title!

Baby safe sanitiser wasn't a thing when mine were babies but I can't imagine cleaning my child because a person touched them.

I am glad you are having counselling and enjoying your rainbow baby!

@thatthat was in response to jimminy cricket, about bodily autonomy...

Theres a big difference between kissing a newborn or even telling visitors wash their hands before picking baby up, and a 30 second interaction from some ole dear putting probably a finger and thumb on a babies hand in a buggy. What would I do, well what i used to do when it happened all the time when i had 3 babies over the years, was smile and say isnt she adorable thanks very much and keep walking. Wipe their wee hand with a baby wipe and move on. Is it a bit yuk, yes. Does it need you to be assertive and start shouting leave my baby alone, No. Just deal with it as you will have to deal with many many things about having kids that you wont bloody like, and move on.

And dared to ring doorbells uninvited!😂

Where I live it is still very common to give babies a silver coin for luck, especially the older generation who don't know the baby.

Give it six months and PFB will be finding a long forgotten half eaten biscuit on a church hall floor and shovelling that down before you've had chance to blink.

Right, so fast forward a couple of years, that same woman could be the person who finds your PFB who has just wandered away from you in a couple of seconds, in the supermarket. She would be very the person who comforts your child, ( possibly takes his hand) and returns him to you safely, happily.
Would that be OK with you?
What a sad, distrustful, suspicious climate we live in. This mindset, more than anything, is the most damaging to health, happiness and general psychological equilibrium.

I heard a doctor speaking recently, she said the thinking now is that over sanitising, which stops the body producing a normal immune response, is causing allergies as it creates a crazy reaction that a little dip under the tap doesn’t cause. I think we have to rethink sanitising everything. As your baby grows OP, you’ll be less and less in control of what he comes into contact with. Best to accept you can’t control his environment and you shouldn’t try to.

It is not a huge deal but the decision is yours, if it makes you feel uncomfortable then you have every right to politely say "please don't touch"

Its not taking it out of context a vast generalisation at all. Babies are little people who cannot say yes or no yet. It’s not okay to just touch them because they’re cute little babies - regardless of if it’s an abuser or a random granny. Most babies have families and extended networks to love and cuddle them. They don’t need strangers to provide that. If you can’t understand that then perhaps you need to have another look at consent..

@zanahoria This is kind of how I feel about it. I appreciate many comments say they’d be fine with this but for some reason I just don’t feel happy with strangers touching my baby. He isn’t as vulnerable as such now but was unwell at birth and in NICU where I was told he might have sepsis. I think they drummed it into me that until he’s a few months I should ensure to sterilise and remain from taking him out in big crowds or around unwell people. Obviously that doesn’t help my anxiety, but this stranger touching him suddenly brought up everything and I thought I better sanitise his hands in case.

Personally I am just going to say to people not too in future until baby is a couple of months older. Obviously when they get to 3/4 months they start putting everything in their mouth so I’d probably be more relaxed lol

@Jimminycricketz DS didn’t like it either (do babies like anything though to be fair?) which is why I wasn’t a fan of it. He was crying and could see he wanted to move his hand away. I don’t know, just wasn’t happy about the situation really.

I just think I would of preferred her to at least chat to me so I could see her first or ask to hold him etc

I thought you were going to say they tried to take the baby!

Op in a few months your baby will be crawling, eating crap off the floor and licking everything. I couldn’t get upset about a stranger admiring my baby

I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at this.

I’m getting old, but the world has gone completely mad. People, especially babies and toddlers need to interact with each other. What a sad place we live in when a mother feels the need to douse their baby in sanitizer because someone touched their hand.

threads like this make me worried for todays babies and toddlers. Honestly, your reaction is so ott.

What would I have done? Probably had a nice chat with her and asked her if she wanted a cuddle with him! I loved it when people interacted with my baby.

Please get help for your anxiety. It honestly takes a village to raise children, which you will come to realise, and raising kids in a sterile bubble is damaging.

This is so sad. What on earth has become of the human race that we sanitise our babies after another human affectionately touches their hand. I get that it's personal space etc, but the woman was being friendly. Please don't pass your anxiety onto your baby.

It doesn't help that we're not long out of a pandemic when it was normal to sanitise everything.

Don't worry OP, it will get easier. And to be fair, if he cried she was probably a bit rougher than she should have been

Do try and enjoy your baby. They grow up so fast!

This!!!! OP i dont let strange people touch my children randomly. During the pandemic (yes people are that stupid) i had to physically put my hand out to stop someone touching my child when the distance rule was still in place. They didnt like it too much when i pushed their hand (not forcefully just enough to move it away).... funny that.

People should ask, a lot of people wont mind others touching their children. I have let older people who have asked or put their hand out and said may i have a high five and i do understand your worry after loss as i have had miscarriages/stillborn son. But absolutely no one is entitled to put their hands on anyone else especially babies.

If your boundaries are no one even with asking touches your child you stay firm!

Oh no! Stranger germs! Thank your lucky stars it wasn't an "old lady"! They can be fatal.

I don't think that's unreasonable.

Someone has invaded your personal space, which includes your very precious rainbow baby. It can make you feel very uncomfortable and it isn't always easy to handle. People should not feel they have the right to just touch a random baby/child.
Friends of mine had a sign on their buggy along the lines of ' I'm too small for your big germs '. It looked commercially made, so might be worth following up.

There’s also an entire school of thought that some issues we see with kids now like asthma are because we are too clean and reliant on dousing everything in strong chemicals.

Op (I mean this kindly) your little one will seem to get all the bugs going, especially from nursery but it’s all part of them growing a healthy immune system (no one seems to tell you about this when you become a new mum)

It's a bit OTT but I'm not sure why you and your husband feel that your baby will be damaged by having their hand and arm stroked. You're over reacting majorly. Don't be too precious, it won't help your child in the long run.