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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A stranger grabbed my babies hand and I didn’t react

299 replies

Jacketpotatogirl · 14/07/2023 09:07

I had an awkward encounter yesterday that has never happened to me before and I do not think I reacted correctly.

I’m a first time mum to a 2 month old and I have anxiety which is probably why I didn’t say anything. A stranger (mid 40’s) came up to me and my DS in a coffee shop whilst I was with my friend yesterday and grabbed his hand out of no where, I didn’t even see her before she did it and she didn’t even start talking to me first. She then continued to tell me how gorgeous DS was. But kept putting her hands all over him and up his arms. I froze because it made me feel uncomfortable but I didn’t say anything as I do not know what I should of done in this situation.

What would you have done? Because DH told me I should have told her to not touch him and now I wish I spoke up but didn’t want to sound like I’m over reacting. It made me feel really uncomfortable, is this normal? What would you do?

OP posts:
CaroleSinger · 14/07/2023 10:12

Jacketpotatogirl · 14/07/2023 09:20

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream I am sure nothing would come of it and he will be fine, one of my friends babies was really unwell in hospital due to being touched at a wedding and I think that’s where my anxiety comes from

Really??

girljulian · 14/07/2023 10:13

I wouldn't touch a baby myself but I wouldn't be surprised if someone did. Obviously you're his mum and you're within your rights to say "please don't touch my baby" but older people in particular would find this bizarre, I think. I work with a lot of older women and they often grab my hands and touch my face, let alone a baby's -- and I'm in my thirties!

Zoopernoodle · 14/07/2023 10:14

I thought you meant someone was about to snatch your baby, Op going by your title! What have we become? Obviously you shouldn't allow people to kiss your baby but the woman meant no harm. I was taught to give a new baby a bit of silver and still do (£1 coins) for luck and I usually give it to the parents to put a Lotto on. I think people are just so delighted to see a new life. Babies are building up their immune systems when they are outside, ready for when they start crawling about etc.

notacooldad · 14/07/2023 10:15

I has this a lot when I had babies.
What did I do? I spent a couple of minutes chatting to the person and not recoil in horror as people seem to do now.

Roselilly36 · 14/07/2023 10:16

peacocktail · 14/07/2023 09:15

I often look at babies and tell Mum how beautiful they are but I would never dream of touching

This ^ I absolutely love babies, but I would never touch a strangers baby, the thought wouldn’t even cross my mind to do so.

I can remember this happening to me when my two were babies, you will be ready to speak up next time I am sure.

Many congratulations on your baby OP Flowers

RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway · 14/07/2023 10:17

Seriously OP, catch a grip and stop making your anxiety other people's problem.

legalseagull · 14/07/2023 10:17

Were her hands covered in dog shit? I don't understand this anxiety and dousing kids in sanitiser. You're doing your baby's immune system hard by not exposing them to anything. That's why so many kids caught illness was following lockdowns - lack of regular exposure.

Bizarre. This wouldn't even register with me. I'd just be beaming with pride that someone was saying how cute my new baby was Grin

DuchessOfSausage · 14/07/2023 10:17

Yanbu, @Jacketpotatogirl .

AnnaNims · 14/07/2023 10:18

Some people do this. I’d smile and move on.

What on earth do you think will happen?

Original poster
Jacketpotatogirl · 14/07/2023 10:18

@TheBirdintheCave Thank you for your reply. I personally have never touched someone else’s baby without permission so I didn’t realise this was a thing. I knew family and friends would want to hold baby which is completely understandable as I always want to hold a friends baby but didn’t know strangers would just walk up to baby and touch them.

I think if she had spoke to me first rather than what I felt was grabbing his hand behind my back I would of felt more at ease but it wasn’t until baby cried I realised what was going on. Just a bit weird that someone would start touching baby whilst my back was turned. Plus as it made him cry I definitely think it got me in mama protective mode haha!

I have realised I shouldn’t have got the baby sanitiser out and that was an over reaction but I don’t know I don’t think I’m happy with strangers touching my baby without me knowing.

OP posts:
Paella2022 · 14/07/2023 10:18

Total non issue.
Humans are programmed to be tactile with other humans and adults naturally programmed to nurture the young.
I could understand if your baby had a particular health issue making them more vulnerable, but seeing a kind and interested stranger as a threat is so sad.

AmaraTamara · 14/07/2023 10:20

Op you'd have big problems if you visited touchy feel countries like Italy, Greece, Turkey. People loooove cooing over babies in these places. It's all with good intentions and teaches babies love. I do get though that is not ideal with germs. On the whole it's a good thing I feel and stock up on wipes...

widowtwankywashroom · 14/07/2023 10:20

Isolate your baby then and not let them interact, what a sad indictment of life in 2023

Original poster
Jacketpotatogirl · 14/07/2023 10:21

@widowtwankywashroom This is a brilliant idea!!

OP posts:
awaynboilyurheid · 14/07/2023 10:22

Your post said it all.. a stranger touched my baby and I didn’t react …why would you? Nice they were interested.

FartSock5000 · 14/07/2023 10:24

@Jacketpotatogirl don't beat yourself up too hard over this. Your fight or flight response rendered you immobile and that is perfectly normal. We all like to think we'd fight back or react like a kickass but in truth most people freeze up.

Jimminycricketz · 14/07/2023 10:25

JFC. I can’t believe the amount of people replying who think it’s okay to just touch another human without consent. It doesn’t matter if it’s a baby, a child, or an adult. Take the germ thing out of the equation and just think of it in terms of body autonomy. The only people on this thread that need to get a grip are the lot of you that don’t understand consent. I’m sure you’d feel different if it was someone randomly coming up to you and stroking your arm/ face without permission.

Whatiswrongwithm · 14/07/2023 10:26

fairgame84 · 14/07/2023 09:18

It wouldn't bother me but then DH is from a country when random people kiss your baby. We took DD when she was 8 months old and hotel staff would kiss her forehead, hands and cheeks.

8 months old is well out of the ‘don’t possibly breathe to close to my newborn’ territory.

MrsRachelDanvers · 14/07/2023 10:27

There’s a respected colorectal surgeon discussing our obsession with being germ free and if it’s damaging our microbiome and contributing to the rise in bowel cancer and allergies in young people. Sanitiser because someone touched your baby?

2mummies1baby · 14/07/2023 10:27

When this happened to me, I said very firmly, "Please don't touch my baby, she hasn't had her jabs yet."

To those of you saying OP is being ridiculous, my sister is a consultant paediatrician and told me not to let anyone touch my baby without washing their hands first until the baby had had her first three rounds of jabs. Admittedly this was in the winter, so there was a lot more going around, but trying to protect your unvaccinated baby from stranger germs is in no way unreasonable.

RedHelenB · 14/07/2023 10:28

Jacketpotatogirl · 14/07/2023 09:11

@Bells3032 I drowned his hands in baby safe sanitiser spray! Obviously she was just being friendly and nice but I’ve never had anyone do that before and didn’t think people touched babies anymore like that!

Touching babies to me is normal. Nothing will happen to your baby because a stranger cooed over them. I certainly never sprayed sanitiser on my brood if that happened. Yabu.

Greenbirdgreengrass · 14/07/2023 10:29

FartSock5000 · 14/07/2023 10:24

@Jacketpotatogirl don't beat yourself up too hard over this. Your fight or flight response rendered you immobile and that is perfectly normal. We all like to think we'd fight back or react like a kickass but in truth most people freeze up.

Someone was touching a baby out of delight and nurture for a fellow little human, and complimenting the mother on their baby, and you are talking about fighting back, being a badass and freeze modes?!?!

Jesus! What a terrible indictment of our society and values.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 14/07/2023 10:29

It's fine if you don't like it. I know someone who is extrovert and loves babies and goes round gushing and grabbing their little toes, etc. Most of us would love to but realise it's overstepping the boundaries these days. Decide now for when/if it happens again whether you want to smile and move the baby away, so saying it with body language, or actually say something. This is a hard one for those of us who don't like being impolite or making a scene and therefore becoming the centre of attention. But you are perfectly entitled to tell people not to touch your baby. I wouldn't want randomers grabbing me! You could say that he's a bit snuffly today, so best to keep a distance.

Willmafrockfit · 14/07/2023 10:29

i see no problem with people taking a baby;s hand

AmaraTamara · 14/07/2023 10:29

Humans evolved to cuddle, hug, touch as ways of expressing love. It's very innocent with babies. The chances of a random granny wanting to hold the hand of a teeny 2 month old being an abuser, pedo, are really very slim. Don't take it out of context and make vast generalisations about bodily autonomy. For goodness sake...