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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH dreads his day with our son?

317 replies

HJB2021 · 13/07/2023 23:05

Okay, so firstly he loves our son and adores him. I’m not hating on him. However once a week he had looks after him whilst I work, (he does shift work so works out he can do childcare once a week) he car share and I need the car for work, so they have to use to bus to get into town (it’s a 5 minute bus ride) there isn’t a huge amount to do in town, they is a small soft play and park, however DS loves to just be out and on the bus. DH always seems down when it’s his day to have DS because it’s boring going into town doing the same thing. I then feel so guilty, I want them to have a lovely day together. His argument is if he had a car he could take him to groups and do different activities, however we cannot afford another car at this time. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed it’s such chore for him once a week?

OP posts:
Saschka · 13/07/2023 23:07

They can just play in the house then? I wouldn’t buy a second car just so your DH can drive to soft play once a week.

Vanillalime · 13/07/2023 23:09

Can your husband take you to and from work and have use of the car throughout the day?

Sirzy · 13/07/2023 23:09

Can they not drop you at work so they have the car?

Original poster
HJB2021 · 13/07/2023 23:10

I’ve suggested this, but he doesn’t want to waste the petrol money

OP posts:
YourNameGoesHere · 13/07/2023 23:10

Vanillalime · 13/07/2023 23:09

Can your husband take you to and from work and have use of the car throughout the day?

This sounds like the most sensible plan.

If you live somewhere where he can't actually gey to many places easily without a car then yes I can absolutely see why it's boring.

cestlavielife · 13/07/2023 23:10

He doesnt love and adore him
If he cannot be bothered to do something your son likes to do and put child first

But given you belive he loves and adores him then
Carry on with your day say nothing leave them to it
He will figure it out

Original poster
HJB2021 · 13/07/2023 23:11

@cestlavielife he absolutely loves and adores him

OP posts:
RoseslnTheHospital · 13/07/2023 23:12

Don't feel guilty, it's a totally normal situation and your DH is being a bit limp in not managing this for himself. You say there isn't much to do in town, but I bet there's a lot more than the obvious things. Has your DH researched about what's on? I bet there are play groups he could attend, or baby/toddler activities he could do. He could come up with a variety of activities to do, even if it's coming up with different games/activities to play in the park. I bet there are smaller local play areas around and about he could find and walk to. Is there a library? They could go and choose books, or if he's lucky they might have a baby/toddler activity on his day. So many ideas.

cestlavielife · 13/07/2023 23:12

Sure he does
Then why is he so down at spending a day with him?
He should love thinking up something to do at home with him or enjoy the bus becsuse his son loves it

RoseslnTheHospital · 13/07/2023 23:13

Also, if you can get a bus into town, then surely there are more buses from town he could get to go to different places?

PermanentTemporary · 13/07/2023 23:13

So tell him you don't think it's a waste to spend the fuel money if it means he has a better time with his son.

Tbh I do get your dh with this. I found out I wasn't a particularly 'natural mum' in a lot of ways and being able to do things like go swimming, visit friends or just go to a different park really helped me

cestlavielife · 13/07/2023 23:15

Or put son in childcare on that day
Problem solved

Podcats · 13/07/2023 23:15

He sounds like a right moaner. Ffs. I didn't have a car when ds was born and I walked everywhere with him. Parks, softplay, toddlers, into town. On the days I didn't do that we played at home and used our imaginations. He needs to get a grip. So feeling guilty. This is not on you.

Saschka · 13/07/2023 23:16

HJB2021 · 13/07/2023 23:10

I’ve suggested this, but he doesn’t want to waste the petrol money

Just likes whinging then?

Bikechic · 13/07/2023 23:17

dont solve this for him. He can work it out for himself.

Notmineagain · 13/07/2023 23:19

Why do they need to be going out? Surely they can do something at home. I too would feel dread at doing the same thing each and every time.

jelly79 · 13/07/2023 23:19

Do you not have the car when you are with DS? Do you manage?

thecatinthetwat · 13/07/2023 23:20

Little kids are boring on the regular, that’s life. I don’t think it’s really the car thing. It’s more a tough shit type of a thing. It’s fine that he finds it boring is what I’m saying, it is boring.

Redshoeblueshoe · 13/07/2023 23:20

I managed to bring up 2 DC on my own, no car. There's a million things he can do, he's just to lazy to spend a bit of time thinking about it.

YourNameGoesHere · 13/07/2023 23:21

Notmineagain · 13/07/2023 23:19

Why do they need to be going out? Surely they can do something at home. I too would feel dread at doing the same thing each and every time.

To be fair to him depending on your child it's definitely easier if you can get them out the house for a while. It stops you going completely cuckoo staring at the same 4 walls and helps break up the day.

CreeperBoom · 13/07/2023 23:21

When DH and I had a day off each with DC, our rule was that the person with the kids got the car. That meant a 6am bus for a 8am start for the person working, but it made such a difference being able to go to swimming, a variety of play parks, etc, for the person at home.

Original poster
HJB2021 · 13/07/2023 23:22

I’m worried I’ve explained it unfairly on his part, he doe’s honestly love playing with DS and makes him laugh all the time. He just struggles that on my days with DS I have I have the car and attend groups and see mum friends (he works near to home so doesn’t require the car on work days). I would struggle not having a car, but it’s only once a week, and he takes DS on the bus to the soft play or park. I know I have better social life with DS but that’s because I’ve made the effort to meet mums etc

OP posts:
Mumtothreegirlies · 13/07/2023 23:24

How old is your son husband? How is this even your problem? It’s once a week. A 5 minute bus journey is surely walkable anyway. Why doesn’t he get a bike with a seat. Your son would love that.

RoseslnTheHospital · 13/07/2023 23:24

There really are many more things he could do rather than repeat the bus/park activity each week. Unless your town is minuscule there will be other things he could do. He could also alternate with staying at home and do home activities like baking, crafts, messy play, etc etc. so many things that are possible.

Happytohelp2 · 13/07/2023 23:26

Hope he’s got a birthday coming up: Rainy Day Toddler Activity Book: 100+ Fun Early Learning Activities for Inside Play (Toddler Activity Books) amzn.eu/d/dAUN7pS Next birthday present…

maybe include a paint box, glue stick, paper etc.

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