DH dreads his day with our son?

[HJB2021]

Okay, so firstly he loves our son and adores him. I’m not hating on him. However once a week he had looks after him whilst I work, (he does shift work so works out he can do childcare once a week) he car share and I need the car for work, so they have to use to bus to get into town (it’s a 5 minute bus ride) there isn’t a huge amount to do in town, they is a small soft play and park, however DS loves to just be out and on the bus. DH always seems down when it’s his day to have DS because it’s boring going into town doing the same thing. I then feel so guilty, I want them to have a lovely day together. His argument is if he had a car he could take him to groups and do different activities, however we cannot afford another car at this time. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed it’s such chore for him once a week?

I would say he needs to get on with it. He needs to find a solution if it's a problem for him.not u.

is there a library nearby? Or a cafe? McDonalds? Pet store? Supermarket?

there must be a way for him to mix it up in town. Our town isn’t big enough for a soft play but I could (did!) entertain a toddler one day a week for a long time without repetition.

Sometimes I dread having to parent my kids all day (5yo is now at school so only 3yo now). It's not cos I don't love them or some nonsense like one other commented said.

It's just little kids can be really boring and repetitive sometimes. Anyone who acts like preschool kids are just non-stop awe and wonder are either really bloody lucky or talking bollocks.

I also don't have a car and an entirely reliant on walking/public transport 5 days a week. Bus to town is 10 min walk away and takes 20 mins in. Our town center is v run down and depressing, with the only softplay I could reach now closed. So my options are playgrounds, the library and a cafe with a built in play area in town.

So it's safe to say, I am in a similar position to your husband. But I have no real sympathy for his arguement here. I cannot understand the "let him have the car" attitude of most of these comments. Why on earth shouldn't OP use the car on her work day? Husband will be fine on a bus, loads of us manage every day!

OP, your husband just needs to suck it up. Yes childcare can be annoying and boring sometimes but as a parent you gotta make it work. Don't solve this for him, let him figure it out, just like loads of us mums have done in the past.

The thing is, being with a small child is kind of boring. Thats life . It’s one day a week, he just needs to suck it up

surely he can take the bus to another town? Go swimming, try a new soft play? Is there a train? There must be other activities he can try

Can you join a car club? Zipcar is great and reasonably priced off peak. The idea of my husband moaning to me about this on the one day that he provides childcare would annoy me. I would advise him to look for a solution rather than guilt trip you …

Suggest he starts a thread on here, we can hand him his arse!

I was really ill, so DH had to parent DS, who at the time was train mad , DH made some sandwiches bought a day travel ticket and took DS on trains, trams for the day, DS loved it, he needs to grow an imagination, pathetic

Are there dad groups in town? When DS starts school it will get easier because school brings social opportunities and activities.

I would suggest that he finds other things to do in town & offer to help him, but don’t actually do it for him.
Joining the Facebook group for your town & asking on there would be a good start as people will be able to suggest things locally that you’ve never heard of.

I agree with people saying that he needs to do it for himself, so you offer to help & don’t take over/do it for him.
The name calling is out of order though.

Fairly simple solution, bus/train further afield or drop/collect you from work.

Hi,
My experience with Dads, when they are not the sole caregiver they can lack direction a little. They are accustomed to Mum doing everything and I guess we just learn as we go, so often to be a Dad it is those times on their own. It is reflected better when you look at parents who have separated perhaps after many years and some Dads don't know what to do. I would suggest speaking to him and seeing his perspective other than "boring". He might just feel out of his depth a little. This is one day a week that he can connect with his son. It's an amazing opportunity for sure. He shouldn't miss it. Definitely a bit of research games to play, local library . I think he might need a wee hand.

I’m sure this far down no one will even read this comment but something to add: it’s ok for either you, or your husband, or anyone else to find entertaining a young child boring. It is! It is totally ok to adore a child and still look at the prospect of a whole day entertaining them with dread. I KNOW we’re supposed to treasure every minute and all that but i’m going to put it out there: i found the baby and toddler stages dull dull dull. My kids are 6 and 7 now and i love spending time with them because they’re fun and can talk and do stuff.

Your husband needs to suck it up. Which it sounds like he is.

You need to chill and appreciate this age may not be his age. There are years and years in which at different stages he may end up doing stuff like sports that you are not as into.

Exactly this. And because it's boring doing things that you could do in 2 minutes in 20 minutes means you have less time to "fill"! Suggest he goes the long way round on the bus. Or walks. A 30 minute walk with a toddler could take half a day. Eat lunch at the cafe, bus back, then a nap: sorted!

Has he said he dreads it or do you just feel that? You say he seems down but if he isn't saying he dreads it you aren't being fair to put that on here and have loads of people being nasty about him. Maybe just leave him to get on with it without you deciding how he feels.

I echo some of the comments about how lucky this dad is to have this time with his son 1:1. It's a special opportunity to form an attachment and deep relationship that will really help in difficult parenting years ahead. He might think the boy won't remember but he really will.

Agree! I can't believe we're all looking for solutions for a dad that's bored once a week.

First World problems lol

As the saying goes, "Only boring people get bored".

Why can't DH make his own fun? Meet a friend for a playdate in a park or have someone over to the house? Go on a scavenger hunt, paint a picture, visit the library (sign up for the summer reading challenge!), bake some gingerbread men, make dinner for you to come home to, build a den, make a bird feeder, do some housework (not sure how old your DS is, but my boys (3&6) love dusting, cleaning the windows, vacuuming etc). If he doesn't want to do the same old thing, then why doesn't he do something else, and make that fun instead?!