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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS hit me - WIBU to ask him to leave

187 replies

samcloudq · 13/07/2023 15:55

I feel like I've failed somehow. DS is 15, birthday is Sunday. Just before the start of his GCSEs he announced he wasn't going to be doing them, said they were pointless and he didn't want to go to college so it didn't matter, I also found out he’d been smoking weed at weekends.

I tried to persuade him to go and do them but he still refused and didn't go in and sit any of them, the school weren't very helpful. I've asked him if he's depressed and have asked him to go to the GP which he's refused to do. All he's been doing is gaming and going out and drinking, and occasionally smoking too. He’s recently started speaking to me with an attitude and being disrespectful, he hit me a few weeks ago and I said if he does that or anything violent/disrespectful again I will take his devices off of him. Last night, I turned the WIFI box off at about midnight as he's been staying up very late and not waking until 1/2pm in the afternoon, he came downstairs asking why I'd turned it off and I explained which led to him shouting and he hit me again. I took his devices today and as I was he pushed me and told me to fuck off and get out of his room.

WIBU to ask him to leave?

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 13/07/2023 15:59

Where would he go? Can you call children's services and ask for support?

Babsexxx · 13/07/2023 16:03

Contact the mash team for early help referral first as he is only 15! So sorry op! Xx

takealettermsjones · 13/07/2023 16:04

Sorry, I realised that sounded abrupt, I didn't mean it to.

I meant, would you be saying he needs to go and live with dad/grandma/uncle etc for a bit, or is there nowhere else? If it's the latter I think you would need SS support.

Giggorata · 13/07/2023 16:05

He is 15 and too young to be asked to leave home, like an adult. He is still technically a child and vulnerable to criminal coercion, exploitation, etc, particularly since he now seems to be mixing with drug users.
If he is violent and beyond your control you should speak to Children's Services for support, possibly involving respite care, as a matter of urgency.

DisquietintheRanks · 13/07/2023 16:08

You can't just throw him out. But you can and should call the police and report him. Show him that you have zero tolerance for violence.

DisquietintheRanks · 13/07/2023 16:09

And get rid of the xbox permanently. It's just going to be an endless bone of contention bw you.

Meeting · 13/07/2023 16:11

Call the police.

Where do you expect him to go?

RedHelenB · 13/07/2023 16:13

What happened between him being an ok teenager to the refusal to do exams?

Ep1cfail · 13/07/2023 16:19

Giggorata · 13/07/2023 16:05

He is 15 and too young to be asked to leave home, like an adult. He is still technically a child and vulnerable to criminal coercion, exploitation, etc, particularly since he now seems to be mixing with drug users.
If he is violent and beyond your control you should speak to Children's Services for support, possibly involving respite care, as a matter of urgency.

This.

I'd also remove his devices. What other privileges does he have?

Gerrataere · 13/07/2023 16:21

@samcloudq So when he said he wasn’t going to do his GCSEs or college, what did you say in return? How is he intending to support himself in the future, especially already funding a drug and alcohol habit?

You can’t make him go to the doctors and he’s a while off 18. I’d actually not take the Xbox off him but I’d stop buying anything that isn’t essential for his care. Obviously food, clothes when needed. I’d not pay for new games or any treats, I’d probably not even pay for a mobile at this point. Have a new house rule where the internet is turned off at 11pm every night. Say these rules will be relaxed when he either goes back to school or he’s 18 and moving out. Which he will be on the dot of midnight of his birthday if this is how he chooses to behave.

Talk to him when things are calmer. Reiterate that if he wants genuine help to get back on with his life then of course you will do everything in his power to help him, but otherwise he’s in his own. He will have his basic needs met but otherwise he’s crossed to many lines to live the life of Riley without putting any effort in.

LakeTiticaca · 13/07/2023 16:22

RedHelenB · 13/07/2023 16:13

What happened between him being an ok teenager to the refusal to do exams?

Weed. You know that stuff that everyone says is harmless?

NotAllPets · 13/07/2023 16:31

I think you need to take this further than some people are suggesting, he has hit you twice. You need support and advice. Where you get this from depends on how you’re feeling, you could call the police or social services. What have the school said about his absences? Is there someone there you could talk to? What about support for you, his dad, any other family?

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 13/07/2023 16:33

Call the police.

Ask for referrals.

x2boys · 13/07/2023 16:36

NotAllPets · 13/07/2023 16:31

I think you need to take this further than some people are suggesting, he has hit you twice. You need support and advice. Where you get this from depends on how you’re feeling, you could call the police or social services. What have the school said about his absences? Is there someone there you could talk to? What about support for you, his dad, any other family?

GCSE,s finished about a month ago.I imagine he will.have left schoo! now
Where wull.he go.Op.?
Are there any family members he could stay with?

Spanielsarepainless · 13/07/2023 16:36

In addition to your other measures, take the door off his room.

smooththecat · 13/07/2023 16:37

Spanielsarepainless · 13/07/2023 16:36

In addition to your other measures, take the door off his room.

Terrible idea

ATeamsvan · 13/07/2023 16:41

I wouldn't be bothered about him sitting up late on the Xbox, that's a safer thing to do than going out and taking drugs or drinking. Where does the money come for this?

CatStankShame · 13/07/2023 16:43

Stop funding him
Contact the police about assault

Not sure why he can't game in his spare time

Relentlessbollox · 13/07/2023 16:49

You should use the systems available and call the police but I wouldn’t hold much hope.
Violence towards women is minimised too often and from a son to mother, even more so.

I suggest you come down on him harder than hard thing coming down.
Take away his devices and leave him with little option than to start communicating and listening to you.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 13/07/2023 16:50

Remove any devices, funding, pocket money etc that he gets straight away. He isn't entitled to any of that stuff.

What was his behaviour like before this?

Do you have any support?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 13/07/2023 16:51

Spanielsarepainless · 13/07/2023 16:36

In addition to your other measures, take the door off his room.

Everyone needs a safe place to be alone, to vent, unwind and recharge. Taking his door away will only antagonise the situation and make him more likely to leave the house all together or lash out

MushMonster · 13/07/2023 16:53

You would not be unreasonable, but he would not end up in a place that would make his situation any easier at all.

LightSpeeds · 13/07/2023 16:53

Relentlessbollox · 13/07/2023 16:49

You should use the systems available and call the police but I wouldn’t hold much hope.
Violence towards women is minimised too often and from a son to mother, even more so.

I suggest you come down on him harder than hard thing coming down.
Take away his devices and leave him with little option than to start communicating and listening to you.

What, when he's already started being violent towards her? 🙄

ATeamsvan · 13/07/2023 16:53

I would want him staying in his room not running off to be with his drug smoking friends. We don't know if there is a dad/gran/auntie etc who could talk to him and he through to him the pain he is causing. I imagine he's feeling pretty miserable in himself too. If he is still on the school role I would contact them too at least they know who to make a referral to.

TheDuchessOfMN · 13/07/2023 16:53

Is his father involved?