DS hit me - WIBU to ask him to leave

[samcloudq]

I feel like I've failed somehow. DS is 15, birthday is Sunday. Just before the start of his GCSEs he announced he wasn't going to be doing them, said they were pointless and he didn't want to go to college so it didn't matter, I also found out he’d been smoking weed at weekends.

I tried to persuade him to go and do them but he still refused and didn't go in and sit any of them, the school weren't very helpful. I've asked him if he's depressed and have asked him to go to the GP which he's refused to do. All he's been doing is gaming and going out and drinking, and occasionally smoking too. He’s recently started speaking to me with an attitude and being disrespectful, he hit me a few weeks ago and I said if he does that or anything violent/disrespectful again I will take his devices off of him. Last night, I turned the WIFI box off at about midnight as he's been staying up very late and not waking until 1/2pm in the afternoon, he came downstairs asking why I'd turned it off and I explained which led to him shouting and he hit me again. I took his devices today and as I was he pushed me and told me to fuck off and get out of his room.

WIBU to ask him to leave?

You’ve been a hero, OP, but you are now unsafe in your own home. Every day.

This is simply not right. You need to go to the police immediately. Explain the situation and say that sadly the boy needs to live elsewhere, preferably with a parent. If you feel emotionally up to it, you could explain to his father what happened and say that the best way to speed things along would be for the father to come pick the boy up.

Please do not drive the boy to a parent. It is a potential disaster.

cos they are not married she’s not a step anything mmm ok she’s the person with care then but technically she isn’t as she’s no PR regardless if married or not. Bio parents can rock up and remove him but I don’t think that will go down well but he does need to go to Dads

its 18 to age out from social works by the way not 16 but they won’t do nowt cos legally he can leave home and do his own thing.

Please read about private fostering. It ends at 16 unless child has a disability. Private fostering is care by anyone who is not a close family member, when not arranged by the state (hence “private”), for more than 28 days. Step parent is defined as partner by marriage or civil partnership, not just a partner (or in this case ex-partner).

Councils have duties to privately fostered children once they become aware of them, including checking the suitability of the arrangement and visiting every 6 weeks in the first year and 12 weeks in each year thereafter.

They’re relatively small in number but are also an underreported group.

The. I'd say. I was happy to have you stay after we split up to help with your education. You've decided that your education has ended and you've been physically violent to me when I've tried to parent you. So my offer of living here has ended. Your dad will be here tomorrow.

Ring dad and saw he has to be here tomorrow.
Whether dss is there or not, his stuff is packed and dad takes it all home.

Change your locks and buy dss a train ticket up to his dads.

This will not get better.

(Oh and hide anything valuable/precious in your car boot as he may lash out)

I would wait until his dad was there to tell him. I wouldn't tell him the day before he had to go, not if he's been violent.

Does his dad pay you to take care of his son? Do you get the family allowance?

I agree with the PP about calling the police - he needs to learn asap that he can't hit people without consequences.

It’s all well and good saying this but for foster kids it’s 18 we’ll 17 when aging out upon their 18th birthday unless they want to leave at 16 and we can’t do anything about that.

as for private foster arrangements SS is meant to come out not bloody likely as they are under funded and under staffed so this isn’t going to happen sadly. They’ll make the right noises but that’s it.

its now time for his parents to step up and parent him

Definately call professional help.
Your son's behaviour is escalating and needs clever intervention now.
Is there help at your son's school?
Can you involve the Police? You have been assaulted.
Do the Police have advisors or community courses that your son would benefit from?

@samcloudq

put yourself first OP

@crossstitchingnana

are you kidding?! Op taking him for a nice shopping trip when he’s hit her?!

I know, that advice was like guidelines on how to raise a misogynistic, violent, abuser.

I am speaking from experience of having difficulties with my teenager in the past, although she was a girl.

She hit me, verbally abused me and was generally vile. Also, smoking huge amounts of weed.

Punishments, shouting, taking devices away just made it worse. I told her the abuse was unacceptable and was DV. I had to chose which boundaries were vital and which I could let go of.

Digging in and threatening to chuck him out may just harm your relationship. Me and my dd now get on really, really well and she has apologised for her behaviour.