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Original poster

DS hit me - WIBU to ask him to leave

187 replies

samcloudq · 13/07/2023 15:55

I feel like I've failed somehow. DS is 15, birthday is Sunday. Just before the start of his GCSEs he announced he wasn't going to be doing them, said they were pointless and he didn't want to go to college so it didn't matter, I also found out he’d been smoking weed at weekends.

I tried to persuade him to go and do them but he still refused and didn't go in and sit any of them, the school weren't very helpful. I've asked him if he's depressed and have asked him to go to the GP which he's refused to do. All he's been doing is gaming and going out and drinking, and occasionally smoking too. He’s recently started speaking to me with an attitude and being disrespectful, he hit me a few weeks ago and I said if he does that or anything violent/disrespectful again I will take his devices off of him. Last night, I turned the WIFI box off at about midnight as he's been staying up very late and not waking until 1/2pm in the afternoon, he came downstairs asking why I'd turned it off and I explained which led to him shouting and he hit me again. I took his devices today and as I was he pushed me and told me to fuck off and get out of his room.

WIBU to ask him to leave?

OP posts:
Original poster
samcloudq · 13/07/2023 19:07

I did tell his dad about the drugs but he said that's what boys his age do and wasn't very supportive. They do message but DS hasn't seen him for a while, he gives DS the money via DS messaging and asking, I had no idea until I asked where the money was coming from.

Don't mean to drip feed but I'm not his bio mum, he was living full time with his dad when I met them as his bio mum was living abroad, she has since tried to get back into his life but DS has refused. The reason he's living with me still is because when his dad was moving away he chose to stay with me as he was settled at school and had friends but he does call me mum.

He wants to be a gamer and stream it live on twitch which he doesn't need GCSEs for but he wouldn't listen when I said it might not work out, be there forever etc.

OP posts:
Lavenderflower · 13/07/2023 19:08

I just wanted to added, I'm not attacking you in anyway or your parenting but rather son has really crossed the line. He needs to understand that he cannot be hitting you.

CatStankShame · 13/07/2023 19:08

Shit.

Ok. So that changes things a bit.

Put him and his stuff in your car and drive him to his dad's and leave him there with him.

Weedoormatnomore · 13/07/2023 19:09

samcloudq · 13/07/2023 17:03

He didn't seem very keen on doing his GCSEs when he was picking his options but that was because he didn't know what he wanted to do, his behaviour was okay though, he would misbehave occasionally and have a bit of an attitude but he was never violent. He said he wasn't doing his GCSEs as he doesn't need them for the job he wants so they would be a waste of time etc.

I was thinking of sending him to his dads however he lives around 3.5 hours away and doesn’t see DS, although he is the one giving DS money whenever he asks.

Feel for you hearing of a lot more kids pushing or hitting their mum.
What does his dad say about his behaviour drinking and doing weed at 15. What job is he planning to do with no gcses ? I would have left him playing games as sounds a lot better than him being out drinking etc

Anxioys · 13/07/2023 19:09

That is all the more reason to send him to his dad's- don't do this parenting role. You will be hurt

user01082312345 · 13/07/2023 19:11

samcloudq · 13/07/2023 19:07

I did tell his dad about the drugs but he said that's what boys his age do and wasn't very supportive. They do message but DS hasn't seen him for a while, he gives DS the money via DS messaging and asking, I had no idea until I asked where the money was coming from.

Don't mean to drip feed but I'm not his bio mum, he was living full time with his dad when I met them as his bio mum was living abroad, she has since tried to get back into his life but DS has refused. The reason he's living with me still is because when his dad was moving away he chose to stay with me as he was settled at school and had friends but he does call me mum.

He wants to be a gamer and stream it live on twitch which he doesn't need GCSEs for but he wouldn't listen when I said it might not work out, be there forever etc.

Ok I know this is far from a funny situation, but when I read that he wants to be a gamer and stream on twitch, I laughed out loud. He is not going to make any sort of living doing that. It's a hobby.

This kid isn't even your bio son? Seriously, send him away. Not your responsibility.

Getupat8amnow · 13/07/2023 19:12

Get his dad to pick him up or you drop his stuff off at his dads and change your locks.

Weedoormatnomore · 13/07/2023 19:13

Sorry just saw your post easy solution just send him to his dad especially if that's his dad's attitude.

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 13/07/2023 19:13

Pack his things and send him back to his dad. He's done with school? Then he absolutely doesn' t need to be living with you any more.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 13/07/2023 19:16

So both parents have left him. I wonder why he is like he is?
You sound like you’ve done lots for him but it’s time for his parents to step up.
So no Yanbu by asking him to leave.

MuggleMe · 13/07/2023 19:16

For sure send him to his dad's. He stayed for school, that's done with. You've done well beyond your duty.

muckerfish · 13/07/2023 19:16

oh gosh. Get rid. He doesn't respect you and he abuses you. Take him to his dad's.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/07/2023 19:22

He needs to go and live at his dad’s house. I know he’s still a child, but he’s the size and strength of a man, and needs to know that you cannot hit women ever.

It would also get him away from the negative influences that have driven this.

Presumably you don’t have PR, which means just that - you don’t have this responsibility.

Re gaming - there’s a good living to be made in that world, but he needs to study, do his exams as a retake and apply to the tech companies when he has the qualifications. He can’t just expect to make money playing games - everyone would do it if it were that easy.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/07/2023 19:23

Even if he were your bio son I’d say take him to his dads tbh

Ilikewinter · 13/07/2023 19:23

Wow OP how on earth did you end up in this situation?
Like other PP have said, hes finished school now so absolutely no need for you to be putting up with this attutude. His dad needs to step up and start being a parent.

ZebraDilemma · 13/07/2023 19:23

Giggorata · 13/07/2023 16:05

He is 15 and too young to be asked to leave home, like an adult. He is still technically a child and vulnerable to criminal coercion, exploitation, etc, particularly since he now seems to be mixing with drug users.
If he is violent and beyond your control you should speak to Children's Services for support, possibly involving respite care, as a matter of urgency.

This

Where on earth do you expect him to go?

NoCoincidence · 13/07/2023 19:25

Tell his dad he either collects him or you’ll be contacting children’s services to end the current arrangement.

Blobblobblob · 13/07/2023 19:26

samcloudq · 13/07/2023 19:07

I did tell his dad about the drugs but he said that's what boys his age do and wasn't very supportive. They do message but DS hasn't seen him for a while, he gives DS the money via DS messaging and asking, I had no idea until I asked where the money was coming from.

Don't mean to drip feed but I'm not his bio mum, he was living full time with his dad when I met them as his bio mum was living abroad, she has since tried to get back into his life but DS has refused. The reason he's living with me still is because when his dad was moving away he chose to stay with me as he was settled at school and had friends but he does call me mum.

He wants to be a gamer and stream it live on twitch which he doesn't need GCSEs for but he wouldn't listen when I said it might not work out, be there forever etc.

You owe this violent little shit nothing.

Put his crap in your car, dump at his dad's, done.

He doesn't respect you because he knows you're a mug. Why else would you be housing him while his parents do fuck all?

3AndStopping · 13/07/2023 19:28

Send him to his dad. Useless waste of space piece of shit can deal with it.

ATeamsvan · 13/07/2023 19:28

I hope I'm not the only one uncomfortable about a 15 year old child being called "a little shit" etc.

3AndStopping · 13/07/2023 19:29

@ATeamsvan he is a little shit! His 15 not 5! Come on now…

Saschka · 13/07/2023 19:31

ZebraDilemma · 13/07/2023 19:23

This

Where on earth do you expect him to go?

Show quote history

To either one of his actual parents? OP is his dad’s ex.

AppleKatie · 13/07/2023 19:32

I would tell him very calmly and clearly that when he wants safety, education, to be drug free and build a responsible future then you will be ready and waiting with open arms but until then you want him gone from your house and living with one of his actual parents because you are not prepared to be hit by a man in your home.

then I would get him out.

Also surely he is 16 if he was supposed to sit his GCSEs this summer?

Weal · 13/07/2023 19:33

Do you have any order in place (PR? Adoption? ) or is it an informal arrangement that he lives with you?

You can’t just ask him to leave at his age. You can call the police and ask them to remove him/ report his assult and/or aski for his father to come and collect him.He’s crossed a line….twice….he needs to be away from you. For his sake as well as yours.

Naunet · 13/07/2023 19:34

Send him to his dads, no way should you have to deal with with this.

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