Can you do more for a human than carry their child?

[TRexTara]

I was reading another thread where the OP yet again is not being treated with consideration by her husband after having a baby.

AIBU to think that there is very little more you can do for another human being than to carry and birth their child, continue their DNA and make them a parent?

I do not even think giving them a kidney is as big or as life changing as pregnancy and child birth is upon the woman.

I don’t think I knew myself how hard it would all be! But I don’t feel like being pregnant was a chore….. I think it’s lovely if couples can come together and embrace birth. I’m just confused what you are want

And no, I don't believe the man should be forever thankful for the woman choosing to go through with pregnancy and childbirth as let's be honest it's the woman's choice regardless of what the man wants. Majority of men will be grateful and in awe of their partner depending on the situation. But most women aren't doing it solely for the man, they're doing it for themselves, let's be real

I guess it depends on your own experience. But I know I'd have gone through all I did regardless of my partner. I'm glad he was there holding my hand, but if he wasn't I'd have done it all anyway to get my children 🤷‍♀️ so no, I don't expect eternal gratitude from him, I'd have done it all without him.
I didn't give up my uterus for him, I gave it up for my children. I'm thankful my body was able to do that, I'm thankful he had working sperm 🤷‍♀️ but I absolutely don't expect him to treat
E like an organ donor. I'd rather he concentrate on how we come together as parents and respect me for that

Are you just arguing for the sake of arguing? Because I hope you aren't defending a woman being mistreated by a man

That's your experience. That the woman desperately wants pregnancy more than the man. That's not my experience or the experience of an awful lot of women.

Many women are forced to carry children they didn't actively choose btw.

That wasn’t your initial point though

This must be a very British middle class experience that I am not familiar with. That the woman is begging to have that mans baby, despite him not wanting children, so then she has his child, and somehow he becomes a great father.

I'm sorry but I've personally never come across this. I must not be posh enough.

Points evolve.

Agreed. Of course a woman forced to carry a child shouldn’t necessarily feel happy about it. But i still don’t understand why you think a woman who chooses to have a child should expect their partner to be indebted.
I expect my partner to be supportive, but that’s it.

Pregnancy can be hard going but you do it more for yourself rather than a man. I think a lot of men don't realise how hard it can be for some women.

There are absolutely more selfless acts you can do for another person many of them already listed.

But a partner should treat you with respect regardless of whether you've had a child with him.

Well my argument is that he should absolutely feel indebted.

Not so much an argument but an opinion

It’s just a very unusual opinion I think. I’m still confused by your direction. You want men to appreciate and be thankful that woman have babies?
its tough I get it……but it’s also just nature

Tbh, I see where you're coming from. I didn't have a baby for my husband but I went through a hell of a lot to give us both a baby. It's not that I think he owes me something in return but I do agree with you that you would think pregnancy and childbirth should be met with more respect than that man you mentioned was showing.

As for the 'biologically intended to do' comment - yuck. Pregnancy and childbirth comes with a whole host of body-altering risks and possible mental health risks, some of which are so common that medical professionals don't take the impact on individuals seriously. It's also really dismissive of women who cannot conceive or suffer multiple miscarriages, like somehow they've failed at what they were 'biologically intended' to do. Women are people not just brood mares!

Really? I never met a man who hit that stage. All the men I know were coerced into having kids.

This! This! It's exactly what I'm pointing out. You carried his child for him, it's HUGE and he is an ungrateful bastard

Ehh, did she carry his child for him or did she carry their child for them?

I find this thread weird and quite misogynistic.

The vast majority of women on MN are having babies because they wanted them. Or because they accidentally got pregnant and chose to keep the baby. Let’s be honest op you are talking about forced marriages.

Its choices.

This whole theme lately of trying to almost make deities out of women for choosing to take part in a biological function is odd.

It often the basis of really unhealthy relationships. With the partner and with the children. The whole ‘I sacrificed my life/body/career etc for you’ is bloody awful. Especially, since in most cases it was a choice driven and made by the woman.

and holding up women as the ones who do the most for their partners because they chose to have a child with them, is deeply offensive to women who don’t have children. They can never show their partners the same love and respect as a woman who did have kids? Imagine if you were a woman who couldn’t have kids reading about how you can never do the ‘most’ for another human while others can. It’s like the whole ‘you don’t know real love until you have your own child’ bullshit.

I think women who feel the need to say these things are usually deeply unhappy with their choices. They feel the need to try and convince others that their choices make them better than others or that people should owe them. Martyr behaviour allows people to not responsibility for their own choices. They did XYZ for someone else, not for them. The fact that they aren’t happy is a sign of how wonderful they are. Again, deeply unhealthy.

(Teenage pregnancy, abusive relationship, strict religious community blah blah).

This sentence explains a lot.

I had the babies, stayed home and looked after them, still taking on most of the emotional and domestic work after 20 years. He stayed at his job, didn’t get to spend as much quality time with his kids, consequently isn’t as close but works incredibly hard to earn the bulk of the money to support our family. We are a team, mutually appreciative, mutually supportive.

I cant relate while my husband thinks moms have a bigger role in becoming a parent because of pregnancy,but i am so thankful for my husband being the way he is, pregnancies dont come easily for me its doctors appointments testing,months/years of daily ttc,supplements meds etc- since he has done everything without complaining its the point that no matter how much a woman wants a child,no way its going to happen without a man. So i think both need to appreciate each other because you can go on parenthood journey without another

Er no we are not all wired to pass on our genes. How presumptive of you.

Having a baby is a choice made for selfish reasons, because you/they want a baby. Giving an organ and potentially saving a life is huge.

The thing is, men should respect their partners and treat them well, regardless of their reproductive status. They should simply respect because they are people. If that doesn't happen, or they're abusive , that won't suddenly change because "she gave me a baby". Even if it did, it's an artificial type of respect directly linked to the woman's fertility/usefulness.

So no, men shouldn't respect women because they have babies. They should respect women, because they're women. That in itself is enough.

Evolution disagrees with you, perhaps you know better, though 😏

Evolution disagrees with you, perhaps you know better, though

Evolution might but biology doesn't.