Can you do more for a human than carry their child?

[TRexTara]

I was reading another thread where the OP yet again is not being treated with consideration by her husband after having a baby.

AIBU to think that there is very little more you can do for another human being than to carry and birth their child, continue their DNA and make them a parent?

I do not even think giving them a kidney is as big or as life changing as pregnancy and child birth is upon the woman.

@saraclara Thank you for making your point clearer. It's a question that's been in my head lately, so after reading the cheeky fucker SIL and useless husband thread, I thought I would ask. Your experience is that I'm wrong and there are many more things you can do for a human than carry their child. Thank you for your input!

My point is literally what I said, is there anything more you can do for a man than carry and give birth to his child, then raise that child? I don't think there is and I think it's an action that deserves more respect.

Err, no. I didn't have my children as a favour to my (ex) husband. I had them because we both wanted them.

We raised out children together. I did not raise them as a favour to him.

I'm not sure it's really useful to project this idea that women are owed eternal devotion for having the kids they probably wanted more than the men in the first place.

Yanbu

This

Even though most people on here completely disagree with me, I'm still really glad I started the this this thread. Im now wondering if I perhaps see things differently to most of the mothers on here because of my personal experience. Something for me to think about.

Thanks!

I'm not sure it's really useful to project this idea that women are owed eternal devotion for having the kids they probably wanted more than the men in the first place.

Absolutely that. Mumsnet is full of wommen who've bestowed sainthood on themselves for getting pregnant and giving birth. It's nauseating.

2 people have sex and the women either get pregnant or not the baby sits there for 9 months then is born

Animals have been doing it since time began

I think the hundreds of meals DH has cooked for all of us over 10 years is far more effort than pregnancy and childbirth. And far more boring and repetitive with no end in sight.

@TRexTara Actually the firefighter who came into my burning home and literally dragged me out risking their own life and saved mine yes, they did a lot more than that.

You spreading your legs for your fella because you wanted a child nope.

That's how you see pregnancy and childbirth? That's interesting.

I got told by my ex 'what did I get out of this' and I said 'I grew you a son' and he said 'oh no, I'm not having this, don't try and act like this is some kind of gift you've given me'

What is your experience that’s prompted this? Do you feel you had children for your partner or ex and he doesn’t appreciate you for it as much as you think he should?

Your comments are echoed on here in other contexts “I stopped working to care for his children and now he’s left me” sort of thing. But most women have children because that’s what they want and, at least in this country, a woman who gets pregnant can decide not to go through with it whether or not the father agrees and to go ahead with it even if the father is completely against it.

We have those rights, which is as it should be, so suggesting women should be sainted because it’s women who happen to be the sex that makes and delivers babies isn’t something I agree with. It’s just one of those things.

I had all manner of trouble having mine but I wanted them and don’t regret any of the pain, immobility, surgery, infections, injuries etc etc and I don’t think my husband owes me. If he’d had the option to have one of them so I didn’t have to do it all I think he’d have said yes and I still wouldn’t have wanted him to. It’s been a huge privilege as well as a bit of a ball ache at times.

I've been in two fires before. A close relative was badly burned trying to help another close relative. Incredibly brave. But It didn't take 9 months abs ten hours of Labour.

Really interesting to me though that despite people disagreeing with me, the examples they use to disagree are extreme and horrible often horrific situations. So there is an understanding of how profound and life altering that carrying a child actually is.

Apart from the pp who thinks making a bit of dinner every night is harder.

Are you mad? Of course donating an organ trumps pregnancy!

For one thing, people so desperately in need of an organ they they're on the transplant list will die without that incredibly unselfish act, especially on the part of a living donor.

Very few people have ever died for want of a baby.

This! This! It's exactly what I'm pointing out. You carried his child for him, it's HUGE and he is an ungrateful bastard.

Yep. As a Physiology graduate this is about right. I got pregnant. I didn't grow a baby as the baby grew in my body due to the appropriate biological processes and signalling pathways that have evolved for humans to successfully reproduce over millennia.

I have more input (and less success) in growing tomatoes each year.

I’ve had two children and can categorically say I didn’t do it for their dad but I get what you’re saying.

It's not "huge".

It's really commonplace. Almost all female mammals give birth and have done so for many thousands of years.

Does he suffer permanent injuries every time he cooks dinner?

Just a thought OP do women whom cannot conceive, do ever get to attain the level of respect and greatness that you are so proudly professing too or are they forever below you.

No, but nor did I during pregnancy or birth so I am biased. I find the monotony of cooking overwhelming with zero reward. So committing to it for years is a bigger sacrifice to my mind than pregnancy!

I'm not being entirely serious here, obviously. But I also didn't bear a child for my husband either. I did it because I wanted to.

If you are having a child for a man, you are having it for the wrong reasons.

Of course, ideally, you both need to want a child. And have a clear picture of what life will look like when child arrives, expectations, wants and needs etc.

And of course it needs to be respected what a woman's body has been through in order for the baby to be here and that all woman are different in terms of emotional needs and physical recovery.

But in all honesty if this needs explaining to your man, you shouldn't be having his child. IMO

Thanks @toomanyleggings

Not going to go into my own experiences on AIBU because it could get quite upsetting for me. (Teenage pregnancy, abusive relationship, strict religious community blah blah).

But, my sons wife is pregnant right now. My first grandchild. Even if the two of them were to split up in future, (God forbid) I just think that what she is doing for him and in some ways for me too, is an incredible gift. Pregnancy and child birth is hard, it's risky. I think she deserves respect and gratitude from myself and my son. I would absolutely lose my shit if my son didn't appreciate her and what she is going through.

God no! That's not what I'm saying at all!